In The Trailerhood
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
You Asked For It
I gotta tell ya, kids, reading the comments from the last post has made me realize, some of you don’t take me seriously. This story makes peopleofwalmart.com, for example, pale in comparison. And yes, I’ve, too, been in the military and heard some disturbing things but this, for me, is worse than anything I’ve ever heard the guys talk about. But, since you all think you can take it, here we go:
First, a little background. I believe I’ve mentioned this character a time or two on this site. I have a co-worker who lives in my neighborhood and unfortunately, that means I get to know more about my co-worker’s life than I care to know. I call him Paris because he is always vying for attention even if it means making himself look stupid. And I mean, STOO! PID! When he tells his stories, he thinks everyone is laughing with him but no, we are all laughing AT him. Idiot.
Anyhoo....as I was thinking about writing this little story, I thought of another story of another neighbor and thought maybe I should start off with that one. You know, kind of ease you in to the filth that lives around me. But no, I think I’ll go right for the throat and deliver the second story as a kicker. You know, while you’re down?
Last week, PH, (Paris, remember?), was in his house with his son and his son’s girlfriend. They all live there and you can always hear them blabbering, getting drunk, cranking the shit music too high, you know, typical crap neighbor stuff. I always thought PH was just a piece of shit, lonely, lacking self esteem and really stupid but I was wrong. He’s worse than that.
See, at about 8pm last week, he came flying out of his door, out of his yard and in to the street, yelling and screaming about something. Naturally, the neighborhood was interested, (or, in some cases, had no choice but to hear), in what was going on. Slowly, heads poked out of doorways, people wandered in to their yards to watch the latest spectacle. Oh the fit PH was throwing. A temper tantrum of incredible magnitude.
He stomped back and forth, practically frothing at the mouth, arms gesturing wildly, beady little eyes growing smaller, face getting darker and darker red, it was something to behold. Everyone wanted to know what was going on. Why was PH so mad! What could they do to help or maybe calm him down?
And then, PH said something that made us all realize, there wasn’t a thing we could do. Hell, there wasn’t a thing we wanted to do. In fact, after PH revealed the problem, at the top of his lungs for several blocks to hear, everyone went back inside and tried to pretend they didn’t hear what they just heard. Or in some cases, some people giggled about it for hours afterwards. (No, not me. I was hovering over the toilet waiting for the puke to rise.)
You see, kids, what upset PH so much was something that had happened inside the home. Apparently, and I don’t know how, nor, frankly, do I WANT to know how, PH caught his son with something PH owns and PH was mighty upset about finding it. How he found it, again, I just really do not want to know. But when the item was discovered on the person of his son, PH decided to fly out of his home, through his yard and into the street to bellow, at the top of his lungs for all the neighborhood to hear....
PH: “Get my buttplug out of your ass! That is my buttplug! I cannot believe you are using my buttplug! Gottdamnit, why are you using my buttplug!?!?”
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Yes. Apparently, at some point, the son found a butt plug sitting around in the house. Obviously he didn’t buy it. His girlfriend didn’t buy it. But he decided to go ahead and insert it in to his ass anyway. And, apparently, at some point, his father, PH, was staring at his son’s butt and noticed his buttplug in his son’s ass. And then proceeded to inform the entire neighborhood about it.
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Right. Shall we go on to the next bit now?
The neighbor who lives right next door to me has a little history of his own antics out here. Thankfully, what happened did not happen while I was here, living next door to him. DrunkFuck, we shall call him. Apparently, some time back, DF was also a crack addict. For all I know, he still is. I just see him drunk. All the time. And he’s one of those drunks who never shuts the fuck up and thinks he’s the authority on everything in the world. I try to avoid him at all costs and only talk to him if absolutely necessary. Like, when the stupid fuck puts his BBQ grill right under my bedroom window so that when he BBQs, my house fills up with smoke and carbon monoxide while I and the cats choke. After two times of this, I had to confront DF.
Anyway, so, he’s in his house one day, drunk, coked out, all kinds of messed up. (Such winners in this neighborhood.) As the legend goes, at some point in time he got in a fight with his old lady. (Different person than who he is with today.) I don’t know what the fight was about or what started it and I don’t care. I do know that alcohol + drugs + two idiots = fight. So they were arguing, loudly, and getting in to it physically. I mean, physically hurting each other. Somehow, DF ended up in just his underwear. Again, I wasn’t here, I don’t know, I don’t care. However, during the altercation with the old lady, she somehow managed to pull his underwear off of him and fling it out the door.
It smacked the window of the neigbhor’s house and stuck there for a minute before sliding down the side. The neighbor was inside their home, minding their own business when they heard something slap the window they were sitting next to. They opened the blinds and were greeted by a pair of underwear filled with human shit stuck to their house. They then, in horror, watched the underwear slide down the house leaving a trail of residue behind.
Now. Kids. Are you getting the full picture? Are you now understanding how serious this is? Will you start taking me seriously in what I say from here on out? When I say something, it’s because I fucking mean it. It’s not because I can’t handle something small or the things that bother me are petty. It’s because I fucking mean it.
Are we all on the same page now?
I hope so. Don’t make me pull out more of these stories because I do have more.
While it may be intended or not, there are times when I feel patronized by some of the things some people say to me in comments and it bothers me. I decided that maybe I have not made myself clear for everyone and that I wasn’t illustrating it fully so that you all could/would understand. I hope this clears any of that business up and that, in the future, you might all give me the benefit of the doubt when I say something is wrong, something is off, something is bad, something isn’t right, something bothers me, etc.
These are my neighbors. When I say my neighbors suck and I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here, I mean it. Do you understand now?
Monday, March 08, 2010
Where's The Hidden Camera?
Kids....sigh....this has to be a joke. Seriously, this is like Candid Camera or some practical joke show and you’re all in on it....aren’t you!?
I have a story to share that would fully explain my neighbors but I’m just not sure how much “disgusting” you can handle. What is your tolerance level, kids? And I mean, gross, disgusting, I really did not need to know that, someone please erase my memory sort of story.
I have to share it with someone. I cannot go through life with this information kept to myself. But, I just don’t know what you all can take. I know I can barely take it...hell, no, I can’t take it and this only drives me on towards getting the fuck out of here.
Nonetheless, I’ll share it only if you all can take it. If I were Acidman, I’d just throw it out there and you would all have to suck it up and quit your sniveling about it but I’m not Acidman...I’m asking before I scrape your braincells from your head.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Pop Quiz
It’s quiz time, kids. It appears that I have some pretty intelligent readers so I thought I’d give you a problem and you give me the answer. I’ve decided that maybe I’m just too harsh on some people, my expectations too high. Maybe the answer isn’t as easy as I thought it was. So, if you’ll entertain me here, I’d like you to all picture the following scenario:
You are driving a boat, (without brakes or reverse), down a channel in a southern direction. The wind is blowing hard in a northern direction. The dock is to your left. You must turn the boat a complete 180 to parallel park the boat so that the dock will end up on your right when you are finished and ready to offload. You have minimal room to do this as the channel is not that wide and there are other boats parallel parked to the dock very close to the front and back end of your boat. Because of this, it is a given that you will need assistance at the dock to park.
With me so far?
You are driving south at about 5mph. The wind is blowing north at about 25mph. (At you.) You need to turn your boat 180 degrees so that the dock that is now on your left, will end up on your right. A person is standing on the dock to assist you with your parallel parking because of the strong winds. Here is a stick figure illustration of what I mean:
I’d also like to add that you are sitting on the back of the boat, steering, and the steps for you to get off of the boat are also at the back, right below your seat. You have a rope at the front of the boat and a rope at the back of the boat. You will eventually tie both ends up to posts on the dock to keep the boat secure to the dock. (Use props if you have to, kids.)
Ok, you begin your turn. Keeping in mind that the wind is blowing north and you are changing position from south to north and you want the back end of your boat to hit the dock first so that you can get down and tie your boat, tell me, when the front end of the boat approaches the dock, should the person standing on the dock:
a) grab that front rope and pull the front end of the boat towards the dock
or
b) kick the front end of the boat off the dock
I’m not giving the answer away, kids. I really want to see if I’m just being too hard on people and that this isn’t common sense. Or basic science...or basic math. You don’t have to ever have driven a boat to be able to answer this, is my opinion. If you take a moment and factor in all the information I gave you, you should arrive at the correct answer. Like I said, use props if you have to. Hell, take a pencil and put it in some bathwater and blow on it, if you have to.
I look forward to the answers. And no cheating!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Where Were You In November?
This time of year is our busy season. We start to build up, slowly, late October, get a big rush between Christmas and New Years, settle down for about a week or two and then we are slammed from mid January to May.
Normally.
And when I say, “slammed”, I mean, we don’t get a break. They toss water bottles at us, sometimes something to eat and we continue, tour after tour after tour after tour until we want to scream.
Last year, around this time, when everyone was hurraying St. Hope and Change’s win, I warned them. I told them, “Better start saving your money now because you won’t see much next year.” And, as with everything, these pot head alcoholic burn outs think they know more than I do. They did not listen. They brushed me off as if I was saying something really stupid. I mean, they were making money, hand over fist, at the time, no need to pay attention to that. The money isn’t going to run out, look at all this money! Pscht. What do you know, Serenity?
Except...hmm.
Where are all the people? Where’s all the money? This is our busy season, is it not? Why are we sitting around like it’s the summer time? Why are you all complaining about how little money you’re making? I thought you all knew better than I did and we would having nothing to worry about. Didn’t you all “pscht” me last year when I predicted this? Do any of you assholes remember anything I said? I’ll remind you:
I said: “You better hold on to what money you are getting now to see you through the next year because we will not be getting a season like this next year with St. Hope and Change now in office and the Dems running the place. I’m serious. Wait until all of those people in the north start getting their heating bills next winter. They will not be coming down here because they won’t be able to afford it. Wait a few months after St. Hope and Change gets his way with this ridiculous trillion dollar spending and people end up without a job at all. Give it a few months, it’ll start. And they won’t be able to afford to come down here. The fucking morons of this country have assured that you and I will NOT have a busy season next year. Watch.”
That’s pretty much verbatim what I said.
And they all ignored me because a) that’s too confusing and too much to think about and/or b) what the hell do I know? I’m just a girl, I don’t know anything.
So, here we are. This year, during our “busy season”, not making half the money we should be making, not taking half the boats we should be taking. And people are starting to get restless. And complain. Loudly. Pissed off they are.
And because it’s necessary, I say, “I told you.” Because while most of the time that is annoying as shit and fucking pisses me off when people say it, this time, these assholes deserve it. “I told you all this last year. I told you all that we wouldn’t be making any money this year because everyone voted for that fucking idiot in to office and you all fucking tools believe the Dems have your best interests at heart. You fucking twits. THAT is why you’re not making any money, idiots! The people cannot afford to come here and spend money on a vacation. I tried to tell you this last year and you all acted like I was stupid. The people aren’t here. They don’t have jobs. They have high heating costs. They have no fucking money. YOU all allowed this to happen. YOU all did this to your fucking selves. NOW you get to see the results of your own actions or inactions. If you voted for St. Hope and Change, it’s your own fucking fault you aren’t making shit this year. If you didn’t vote at all, it’s your own fucking fault that you aren’t making shit this year.
You fucking tools don’t take politics seriously. You roll your eyes at me, you tune me out, you don’t know jack fucking shit about your own country, how it runs, WHO is running it, what their agenda IS and you take something that is precious and spit on it. There are millions of people in this world who would LOVE the opportunity to vote. You have that and you don’t do it. Your inaction IS a vote. You have voted not to take control of your own life, you have voted to let someone else run it for you. Well guess what? This is how they choose to run it. And now you don’t have any fucking money.
That is no one’s fault but your own. Maybe next time there’s an election, you could actually try to care. Even if you don’t care about anyone else in the world but yourself, do it for yourself. If you make that effort and learn and research and pay attention and vote and your guy doesn’t win? THAT IS WHEN YOU GET TO BITCH! But now? Today? No. You have no money because you fucked yourself over. And thanks for fucking me over as well. Assholes.”
I’m a big hit at work.
None of this sinks in. They might think about it for 5 minutes but then they go off, smoke another joint, drink another beer and scream, “PISS!” at the top of their lungs while bitching about who did what around these parts today.
I spent a little money this year...got a new laptop, gun, Kindle. Moved to a new abode. But for the most part, I’ve been saving what I can. Some of my co-workers like to talk about how I “never go anywhere or do anything” but I don’t care what they think or say. They don’t have any money because they spent it all on beer, drugs and partying. I have money saved up because I saw this coming and laid pretty low.
But hey, as long as we all understand that I’M the idiot here.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Do You Need A Map?
Remember GrumpyFuck from yesterday? Well, he got himself in good trouble today, as well.
See, today, we had a very, very rich person come, by helicopter, with his “handlers” as well, to take a private tour. As in, so rich, he is one of the top 10 richest people in this country, rich. That’s not any sort of exaggeration or play on words, he actually IS one of the top 10 richest people in this country. Yes, that rich.
So GrumpyFuck took him and some lady on a private tour. When they got back, Mr. Rich did not tip GrumpyFuck. GrumpyFuck threw a fit. A big, fat, whiny fit. He stomped around, muttered shit under his breath, looked, again, like a fool.
What GrumpyFuck doesn’t understand is that people THAT FUCKING RICH typically don’t handle money. That’s what the “handlers” are for. People that damn rich just spend their money by doing things like taking jet engine helicopter rides over the Everglades and then landing on the “heli-pad” at an airboat place and taking an expensive private tour. They then do other things while there and eventually get back on to the jet engine helicopter and fly off, letting the “handlers” do what they do best. Handle things.
Boss ripped GrumpyFuck a new one today for that little stunt. He explained to him what I just said and told him, AGAIN, that he cannot be throwing tantrums in front of the customers. Especially BILLIONAIRE customers.
Because he threw such a hissy fit, he only got $40.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Way to fuck yourself over, dipshit! That easily should have been a hundred or two hundred dollar boat.
Anyway, I didn’t get to see the screaming...which is probably good because I would have been standing there, beaming and, perhaps laughing. Ok, I would definitely have been laughing. And I probably would have gotten myself in trouble for doing that. But, I did hear about it. And apparently the infamous vein in the boss’ forehead was in full throb so you KNOW GrumpyFuck really, really fucked up today.
Would you like to know how badly he fucked up?
He actually spoke to me after that.
Oh yeah. You know now, for sure, what very little power you have, GrumpyFuck. Karma is a glorious bitch and it’s coming back to bite you in the ASS!
(Like I said, I could tell you all kinds of things but I’m not sure how much you really want to hear. But I did have to share this one because everyone loves it when an asshole gets his.)
Today was a very good day.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Some Peoples Children
At work we have one grouchy, old, moody, bi-polar piece of shit co-worker. He can be fine one minute and someone says the wrong word and he’s in a bitchy little mood, grumpy, growling, being a little fuck. We’ve had our “differences”, to put it mildly. And by “differences” I mean, he hates women so, naturally, he dislikes me greatly. I guess it hurts his miniscule testicles that a female can drive an airboat and do well on tour, sometimes better, than he does.
I’ve been privy to all sorts of names, comments, (usually under his breath), snotty remarks and glares for some time. One day I told him that if he had something to say to me, to man up, grow a pair and say it to my face not under his breath as he’s passing by like a little bitch.
Naturally, he took that well.
So, needless to say, I really can’t stand the old, wrinkled bag.
Then we got a new girl and when we started getting along, he decided that really pissed him off. He started doing everything to her that he had done to me. All of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever, he decided I was ok. He joked around with me, spoke to me decently, wasn’t a complete prick towards me. But he was with the new girl and I don’t forget things easily, nor do I trust the piece of shit.
Today, he decided that I had done something to piss him off, (it didn’t affect him AT. ALL!), so he took it upon himself to come down to the boat I was loading and throw a fit and cuss in front of the people on my boat.
That was the last straw.
I hate to do this but I went and told the boss what had happened. The boss had a talk with him and told him it was unprofessional, makes us look bad and was unacceptable.
Well, guess what. I’m back on GrumpyFuck’s shit list again and he’s currently trying to recruit some of my fellow co-workers to his “side”. :::serious eye roll::: Are you getting it when I say I work with fucking idiots? This 50 something year old twit threw a tempter tantrum in front of the customers over something that did not even affect him NOR was it even a big deal. Like, stupid.
Gah, it’s so stupid I don’t even want to type it but to get you to fully understand what we are working with here, I guess I will.
Most of us are assigned boats. We drive the same boats every day. The rest of them, including GrumpyFuck, do not have an assigned boat because they came after us. Anyway, today, I was up next, got the count and started calling people to the dock to load on my boat.
Except...where did my boat go? It’s not where I left it.
I continue down the dock, looking for my boat. I cannot find it and I’ve got all of these people following me. Finally I see my boat next to the repair shed. WTF is my boat doing there? I call on the radio to ask about that. No one responds.
Fuck it, I’m taking the first boat I see because all of the other boats are claimed. It just so happens to be the boat that GrumpyFuck was going to drive that day. Well, there’s two more people going before he goes and this is the only fucking boat available, I’m taking it. It’s not HIS gottdamned boat anyway, it was purchased and is maintained by the boss. And the boss doesn’t give a flying shit what boat you take, just take the damn tourists on their fucking tour.
So, I start to load this boat. Now someone wants to respond to me that my boat is being fixed so I should take another boat and specify which one they think I should take. (This is not the boss, mind you.) I respond that it’s too late now, I have already started loading because here’s the thing: My boss? Does not care about this petty bullshit. All he cares about is that the people come in, pay, get on the boat, go on the tour, come back, buy more shit. That’s it. And frankly, that’s all I care about either. I don’t give a fuck what some wind bag thinks of me or some pot head or alcoholic piece of crap. What I care about is what the boss thinks and said boss keeping me employed.
But I also do not like drama. Unnecessary bullshit, petty drama.
So here comes GrumpyFuck, stomping down the dock towards the boat. I ask him, because I know what’s coming, if he would like to listen to what is going on or would he rather just be mad. He growls, “Like I’ve got nothing fucking better to do all day than clean fucking boats”. See, in the morning, we come in, we clean the boats we will be using that day. Pick up the trash, wipe the seats down, that sort of thing.
Because I took “his” boat, that would mean he would have to take another boat, (claiming he had to clean it which he fucking did not because it had already been cleaned by the person who was going to drive it that day but ended up instead working on my boat).
Why didn’t I just take that other boat instead? Because I had already marched these people down one dock and down a second while looking for my own fucking boat that not one damn person had bothered to tell me they were working on. And instead of walking them all the way back through a crowd of other people getting on and off boats, I just took the first available boat that I knew was not being used right then.
NOT a big fucking deal.
GrumpyFuck then repeats himself but this time much louder ensuring that those on my boat can hear him. He’s trying to make a statement and he’s trying to make me look bad in front of the people on my boat. And, ultimately, he’s trying to screw me on tips.
“Like I have NOTHING FUCKING BETTER TO DO THAN CLEAN FUCKING BOATS!” he bellows.
In the end, he never even took a boat.
Let’s summarize here:
My boat was missing.
I took what boat I could.
GrumpyFuck throws a fit and curses in front of my customers, twice.
He had no need to clean any other boat because all of the boats were already clean.
He never even took a fucking boat and, therefore, did not miss out on his own, precious, unassigned boat for any tour at all.
In other words, he was in no way inconvenienced at all. It did not affect him at all. He threw a fucking hissy fit for no damn reason and ended up making himself look like a fool. And the boss, whose ass GrumpyFuck kisses non stop, told him that this time, GrumpyFuck was wrong. The boss also told me, “He’s an obstinate old man, he has issues...” when the boss was telling me that the situation had been taken care of.
But I’m the one on the shit list. Course, that shit list is one or two people, (because the rest of us are tired of his shit), but they are such fucking assholes that it makes work sometimes annoying. Because he will be a colossal prick at work, on tour and will do everything he can to try to make me look like shit in front of the customers. Because he’s a fucking four year old.
I have a headache so I’m going to take a nap now. But do you see what I mean when I say I work with fucking idiots?
Monday, June 01, 2009
Finally
After two years working here and asking and asking and asking and always getting some lame ass bullshit excuse, I finally got some time off.
The very first thing people ask is, “Where are you going?”
Why the hell do I need to go anywhere? All I want to do is sleep and be left the fuck alone. I just want a break from the stupid questions I receive all day long, the pissy little attitudes, the back stabbing, gossiping, rumors and the inane conversations my drugged out co-workers have all day long.
In other words, I want to remember what life is like in the real world.
I MAY go visit St. Augustine but I may not. I may just fucking chill out for the 9 days I have off and do absolutely nothing. I live in a vacation spot. I’m about sick to death of tourists. I don’t need any more socialization at this point.
What I need is some peace and quiet and sleep. What I need is to just fuck around and goof off all day long. Stay up way too late at night on the computer, sleep in way too late during the day. Stay out of the boiling hot sun.
This is a mental vacation. I’m mentally exhausted and the very last thing I want to do is go out in to the world, (namely traffic), and deal with ignorant fuckwads.
On my last day of work before the vacation, I went to the store and stocked up on everything I might need so that I don’t have to leave the confines of my house. I have enough to entertain me here. I have the computer/internet, satellite t.v. in which I can use to watch horrible reality shows, I will actually have energy to use my Wii and WiiFit now because I won’t be drained from the boiling hot sun and stupid tourist questions, (not sure if I mentioned that yet) and my retarded, douche bag co-workers, (did I mention them yet? They are especially tiring.) I’ll have the energy to actually do a good cleaning instead of a quick clean. I’ll have energy to spend time with the cats. I will have time to pick up a book and read it instead of getting one paragraph in before I fall asleep only to wake up some hours later with the book plastered to my cheek.
In other words, this vacation, the first vacation I’ve had in two and a half years, I intend on doing absolutely nothing interesting to anyone else at all. I am not going to jet off somewhere just so I have a good story to share with the co-workers who will undoubtedly ask, “Where did you go? What did you do?”
God, assholes, we fucking hate each other. Why are you so interested in what I do with my personal time that has no effect on you whatsoever? It does not concern you, so why do you care? For you to judge how well you think I spent my vacation? Yeah, look, I got done with those, “What I Did On My Vacation” reports in grade school, ok?
None of your fucking business what the hell I do. Go smoke another joint and guzzle another beer. Hey, pop a pill or two while you’re at it and attack the shit out of each other while I’m gone. Actually, I’m probably not going to be gone long enough for that to happen. They’ll spend the next 9 days trash talking me while I’m not around. I can almost guarantee that shit. If I were gone longer, they would eventually tire of that and start attacking each other since I’m not there to be their little punching bag but I don’t think 9 days is long enough.
Maybe it is. Hopefully it is. I would love nothing more than to return and hear that the monkeys turned on each other in my absence.
Now, this sounds like a self important post; as if I’m so fucking important that they will all talk about me. It’s not that. Not at all. I do nothing to these pricks. I mind my own business, do my job and go home. I don’t like getting involved in the petty ass arguments that go on there and let me tell you, we are talking some major pettiness. It’s amazing what makes grown men cry like little girls. The magnitude of bullshit around here is appalling.
Yes, I know, you have pieces of shit no matter where you work. There’s always at least one. I get that. This isn’t my first job nor do I have no other life experience. (Something my co-workers seem to forget. They all seem to believe life began at this place.) But, as bitchy as the bitchiest co-worker I’ve ever had has been, they pale in comparison to the infantile crappings my co-workers drop every day. The second in command told me, when I pointed this out, that I was welcome to work somewhere else. I know that, bitch. (I also know that she is one of the biggest culprits when it comes to gossip and rumors and she didn’t like being called out like that. Immature whore.) I know damn good and well that I don’t have to stay here. Der. However, I also know that I’m not going to let some whiny, snot nosed, crybaby co-worker run me out of a situation where the money is pretty decent. I have a goal and the hell if some fag ass abuser is going to push me away from that.
I know they’ve tried and continue to try. But I’m stronger than they are. I’ve been called WAY worse by better. I’ve had enough experience dealing with little shit nuggets like this. It’s just that this time there’s more of them. It’s annoying as all hell but little pieces of creamed shit will not steer me away from my goals. So suck it, bitches.
This 9 day staycation is going to rejuvenate me so that I can put up with the horseshit for a little while longer as I continue to save and accumulate. Eventually I WILL leave but not until I’m either fired or I’M ready.
That irritates them greatly. Which makes it all the more fun for me. Do you know how hilarious it is to know that your mere existence boils someone’s blood? Yep. I say that to myself everyday:
“The very fact that I live and breathe pisses you off. I need to do nothing more. I’ve already won.”
The people I work with, most don’t even have a high school diploma, (no you do not need to be smart to drive an airboat), do drugs or drink or both, a LOT, are stupid as shit and have no future. Most of them get pissed that I have an education. I don’t throw it in their face but I’m not going to dumb myself down to talk about farts and fucking just to make them feel better about themselves. Most of them are highly irritated that I’m a girl and doing the same job they are. They really, really don’t like the fact that a girl is doing the “man’s job” (according to them), and does it better than many of them. I’m not the best. Certainly not. But I do well. And it annoys the ever loving shit out of them. In fact, some of them accuse me of flashing all the tourists on my boat to make tips. Yah, that’s exactly what I do. It couldn’t possibly be due to the fact that I FUCKING know how to relate to people and make them laugh. It couldn’t be due to the fact that I’ve had years of experience in customer service that has taught me how to talk to people and not AT them. It couldn’t be due to the fact that I’m not a fucking asshole and don’t treat people like shit. It couldn’t be due to the fact that a little bit of acting experience can go a long way. (You just have to act like you enjoy them for 45 minutes and make them believe it.) No, it can’t have anything at all to do with any of that education and experience. It’s simply because I flash everyone on each tour. That’s how I make my money. See, that’s the only possible way any girl can make any money. I mean, we’re girls. We have no skills to speak of. We are all dumb. We have nothing intelligent to say. In fact, why don’t we just shut up and get in the kitchen to make them a sandwich and get them a beer.
There’s just no way I can be making any money off of any of my abilities. None at all. Because girls can’t do anything except cook, clean and fuck. Don’t be getting too big for your britches with your hoity toity education. And stop using big words to embarrass me. (Seriously, I don’t use big words. I just talk like a normal human being. I’m not a pretentious fuck. Let me give you an example of what they think is a big word: The alligator is much more docile than the crocodile. Docile. HOLY SHIT! I can’t believe she talks like that in front of us! Fucking know it all bitch! What the fuck does docile mean? I bet she looked it up to embarrass us. What the fuck does it mean, anyway? Bitch.) I think I’ve used that example before...I’m not sure if I actually wrote that out, thought of writing it out or never submitted the post....but if I repeat myself, well, what can you expect? I’m just a dumb girl. I should have just stopped writing 1000 words ago and flashed everyone instead. I mean, that’s all I’m good for.
Anyhoo, yes, I do intend on leaving one day. I will not work here forever. But now is not the time, bullshit wading or not. First of all, we have an ignorant fool in office who is destroying jobs left and right so now is not the time to be looking for a new job. Great time to buy a home, though. And, frankly, I want to milk this shit for all its worth while I have the strength to do it. At the very least, I want to do this another year. IF I can stomach it, I’ll do it a little longer than that. Honestly I’m not sure how much I can take after that much time but I want to make it at least that long. Then I’ll have a sizable chunk of savings and most of my stuff will be paid off. At that point, I should only owe on one thing but that one thing is an investment for me, really. Once my car is paid off and certain contracts are up and I’ve got a good amount in my savings, then I’ll start to look around at moving the hell away from here. Because this IS the place to get that done.
Then, when I know I can leave any old damn time I please, that’s the point I start telling these fuckwads a thing or two. Right now I pretty much keep my mouth shut because, again, I have a goal. Once I have reached that goal, there will be nothing to hold me back.
And frankly, my next job? I’d prefer to work from home, thankyouverymuch. Enough with the low self esteemed co-workers. I have some of the writing I can be doing, that gets some money to me but I need a good, full time job working from home. I think I’d be much happier, much more relaxed and more at peace. So, let me know if you know of any good, legit work at home jobs. LEGIT, people. Key word.
And now, I’m off to enjoy the rest of my vacation. I think I’ll begin by sleeping some more.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Why Do People Bother?
Recent conversation with neighbors:
ToolSheds: I support what you are doing and I think it’s great. If there’s anything we can do to help you, you let us know. You are wonderful and we like you. You need anything, anything at all, we will help you. Just let us know.
Me: Can you bring (subject) up to (a certain place about 1/2 hour drive time away) since I can’t get the time off to do it myself?
ToolSheds: Oh! No, we can’t do that! That’s too fucking far!
These people do nothing all day long. Well, they do sit on their porch and drink and smoke cigarettes but other than that, nothing at all. All day long. Every day. Day in and day out. Their schedules are completely open.
I’ve noticed over the years that people do this shit a lot. Look, kids, don’t fucking offer shit if you have no intention of actually following through. I hate that phony crap. “Let me know if you need anything.” “Let me know how I can be of help to you.” “Whatever you need, just come to me, I’ll help.” “It doesn’t matter what time of day, if you need anything, I’m here.” “I have your back if you ever need anything.”
Oh shut the fuck up. Bunch of gottdamned liars.
Don’t give me your, “let’s do lunch” line to make yourselves feel better. Sometimes in this life we need help with something and it would be nice to know that if you actually do need help with something, those assholes who stated that you could rely on them to help you out with ANYTHING would actually fucking help you out.
I don’t ask for a lot of help. I’d much rather do as much as I can by myself because I sure as fuck don’t need some twat telling me, later, all the things he/she has done for me as if they are keeping some sort of list and now I owe them. But, when I DO ask for help, it’s usually something that I cannot do because of time or have no knowledge how to do it. And I shouldn’t have to fucking pay for help every damn time I get it. What happened to people being friendly and neighborly? Have we never heard the word, “favor”? Shall I start charging every time I help someone? How stupid is that?
But what irritates me the most are the phony shitheads who prance around acting as if they are great people boasting that they are there for you with anything no matter what. But, when that time comes that you actually need some help, little help that it may be, (seriously, 1/2 hour driving is too much for you? Seriously?), they balk. It’s like they never thought you would actually take them up on their phony offer.
Do not tell someone that you are there for them, no matter what, unless you fucking mean it.
So, to answer one of the most frequently asked questions I get in real life, “Why don’t you ever ask for help?”
Now you know. 
