Fun

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Fairly Simple

They should have had these signs all over the place in Seattle and Miami...and in Miami, have them in Spanish as well since some of those people lie and act like they don’t speak English. 

In Maine, for the most part, people follow the rule of the road called, “Get the FUCK over unless you are passing!”

BUT, many of them do something that drives me crazy...they come to a complete stop when merging on to the freeway.  Argh!!

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Monday, August 15, 2011

And Speaking Of All Hallow's Eve

I have finally found It.  I have been in Misery the whole three months I’ve been here because I could not find what I was looking for, but now?  I know where to go.

There will be a neat little surprise on this site on Halloween.  It won’t be a Pet Semetery nor a Bag of Bones.  You won’t see The Eyes of a Dragon and we are not going to play Gerald’s Game.  But you may need a Dreamcatcher if you’re unlucky enough to fall asleep.  If you are lucky, you will lie there, for hours, eyes wide open as you toss and turn in Desperation, trying so hard to fall asleep, only to suffer from Insomnia after you see what I have for you.

So, go call The Colorado Kid, Carrie and Christine on your Cell, tell them to take a left at The Dark Tower, walk down the Green Mile and meet you at the Black House.  Once you are all there, tell them Lisey’s Story three times while looking in the mirror.  Then go behind the house to the shed and stand Under The Dome light and repeat “11/22/63“ until the Cycle of the Werewolf begins.  When The Shining moon appears from behind the Dark Half of the clouds, stand clear of the Dead Zone, open your laptop, and come to this site.

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Monday, August 01, 2011

Blast From The Past

But with a twist…

I cannot stop watching this.  I don’t know why…

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Monday, July 25, 2011

Go The Fuck To Sleep

This is for the parents out there, especially the ones with young kids.  This is one of the many reasons I’ve never wanted to have kids.  I simply do not have that kind of energy.  Enjoy.

There’s another version of this, read by Samuel L. Jackson and while he does a good job, I like this version better.

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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Now It's My Turn To Play

Yah, I know people have done this before but I haven’t and I’m anxious to see if I’ll get a reply.  Here’s the spam/scam mail I was sent and my reply afterwards:

From: “debtoffice01@freenet.de”
Sent: Wed, June 15, 2011 12:55:40 AM
Subject: CONTACT TNT COURIER FOR YOUR PACKAGE

Our Ref: FGN /SNT/STB

Your Ref: SNT/ATM/822

Dear Beneficiary,

This is to officially inform you that The United Nations in Affiliation with BRS Bank have agreed to compensate you with the sum of $1.300,000.00 USD in a ATM VISA CARD, for self support and to help individuals to own a self charity organization also for you to build your Personal Company/organization so as to help the less privileged.

This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract, inheritance sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems and the World financial Crisis etc. We found your name in the list of those who are to benefit from these compensation exercise and that is why we are contacting you

Your personal identification number is 2911. Provide the following details and forward to the delivery officer of TNT Courier Company;

TNT COURIER DELIVERY SARL. BENIN REP.

Name: Rev.Silas Onore

E-mail:(tntpostal@superposta.com)

Tel:+229 99-80-54-61

.Your name (In Full):

.Delivery Address:

.Phone Number (s)

.Sex:

.Age:

.Occupation

.Valid Identification Document:

The Yellow Tag for the Atm Visa Card has be paid, the only little charges you will pay to the courier service is Security Keeping fee of $195. which will ensure immediate delivery of your Atm Visa Card to your home address.

Regards,

Mrs Estain Abatt

Payment Committee

Cc: UN/BRS

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And here is my reply....man I hope they answer:

Re: CONTACT TNT COURIER FOR YOUR PACKAGE
...
From:
Serenity [Chat now]
...
Add to Contacts
To: debtoffice01@freenet.de

zOMG!  Really?!?!  You want to give me 1.3 million dollars?!  WOW!  Praying DOES work!

See, I am currently unemployed thanks to the idiots who voted for all the liberals in this world, (did you do that, too?), and have been trying to find a way to get some money since I consider myself one heck of a charity case.  I went so far as to get down on my kneecaps by my bed and pray, every night for God to send me a giant bag of money....and here you are!  God loves me!

Ok, so, I can’t give you my “current occupation” unless you consider couch surfing an occupation in which case I will gladly write that in.

Also, what do you mean, “Valid Identification Document”?  Is that like asking me for “my papers”?  Ooh, I feel so WWII!  Are you from Germany?  Is that why you asked me for those?  ‘Vere are yor paperssssss!” Heehee, you silly Germans.

Anyway, I figure you already know my name since you “found it on a list” so there’s no need for me to waste time writing that in.  Also, since you somehow figured out this email address that I hardly ever use, you must be clever enough to find out my phone number so no need to add that in.  If there’s anything I dislike it’s wasting time.  And from what I understand, you don’t either.  Right?  The trains are always on time in Germany!  I get you.  No, I GET you.

As for my gender, should be pretty easy to figure out from my name, no sense in spending time there and of course, I always lie about my age.  I’m afraid I won’t stop lying about it even for 1.3 million dollars.  Sorry but I have my sensibilities, see.

So, that about covers it!  Anything else you need or do you just want to send me the 1.3 million now?  As for the fee, why don’t you go ahead and take that out of my 1.3 million dollars.  Seems kinda dumb to ask me for $195 when you have 1.3 million of my money sitting right there!

I give you permission to take that “courier” fee out of my 1.3 million.  So I guess I’ll be getting a check for 1, 299, 805, right?  KOOL! 

Thanks!!!!

Sincerely,

You Know Who!  HAHA!  (long distance head noogie)

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Sunday, June 12, 2011

Interesting

I was quite shocked at the data for “Oil Reserves”.  That much, huh.  I find that quite interesting, indeed. 

Poodwaddle.com

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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

They Would Get My Business Constantly

This is my kind of people.  If only more businesses would act like this, they would have loyal customers for life.  LOYAL!  I hate texters and cell phone talkers in a movie theater. 

If I lived there, I’d go every single weekend just to show them how much I appreciate them as a business. 

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Sunday, June 05, 2011

How Does It Feel?

HA!  Sweet justice:

Home Owners Foreclose On Bank For Monies Owed

The bank manager sat there for an hour and didn’t know what to do?  Give the people their damn money, idiot!  Shouldn’t have taken an hour to figure that out.

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Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Correctly Done

I’m sure you’ve seen it but in case you haven’t…

Shot In Accordance With Tradition

I know what was probably the first thing to go through your mind when you heard the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed: Was his dead body handled properly according to Islamic tradition? Well, on behalf of the U.S. government, I am happy to tell you that yes, it absolutely was…

...For instance, none of the Navy SEALs in the raid were eating a pork sandwich as they did it. And none of them had on them any depictions of Muhammad (PBUH). Also, the raid was done between prayer times — not during! And when Osama was shot in the face, he was facing westward. I’m not sure that’s actually religiously important, but if it is, then, yes, he was doing that. And when he was shot, the traditional Muslim expression of “Allahu Akbar!” was shouted — except it was an English translation, so it was something like, “Thank you, Jesus!”

...that right there is funny. 

Read it all.

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Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Oops!

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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Ok, Just A Little Politics

I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.

“I want to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!”

“Fine,” I said, “then I want to die after the politicians get their heads out of their butts!”

“You crafty bugger,” said the fairy.

(found online)

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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

No Wonder

That explains why he wants to sue them.

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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Wish I Banked Like Him, Too

So, I took a couple of samples from my blog, here and there, from the years and plugged each sample in to the “I Write Like” analyzer.  This will tell you what great author you write like.  I could not be more pleased with my results:

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

He’s only my favorite author.  EVAH!  I will devour his books when I see them and I did, at one time, own damn near every single book he ever wrote.  Because he’s fucking awesome.

To be compared to him totally makes my day.

(And if any of you actually think I am taking this stupid analyzer that seriously, get the fuck off my site, now.  I would hope that by now you would realize I’m not stupid and if you think I did take it seriously, and were getting ready to type me some comment about how this isn’t an accurate analyzer; it’s the same as those random quiz generators, then you need to go fuck off right this very second.  Why the disclaimer?  Because you wouldn’t believe some of the emails I get sometimes.  So let me end this by adding this:

Some people out there think that I’m too stupid to get it when they don’t realize that they are too fucking stupid to know I already did.)

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Friday, June 04, 2010

Since The Dawn Of Time

If you have ever worked in tech support, you will enjoy this:

Actually, if you have worked with the public at all, you will probably enjoy it.

Brings me back to my tech days with printers and faxes.  Believe it or not, at least 30% of the time, the unit was not plugged in.  Seriously.

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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

LOL!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

Kids, this is why you shouldn’t do drugs.  Or drink too much vodka.  Sorry, I know this is cruel but damn that’s funny right there. 

I want to know if any of you can stand to watch it all the way to the end.  C’mon, kids...don’t be pansies.  Watch the whole thing.

Ok, ok...to make it up to you, how about making the video more interesting?  Let’s put in....a cat!  A cat who reacts hilariously to being scritched.  Set to Trololo guy music. 

Forgive me yet?

(Thanks to moderncat)

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Monday, May 03, 2010

Speedy Is Part Of The Problem

So, here we have a bunch of Mexicans sneaking across the border to steal the government cheese that is supposed to help the actual legal citizens of the United States. 

Why is it that Sylvester the Cat does more to protect the borders than our own Federal Government? 

(Trolls:  Spare me your rhetoric.  It’s a fucking cartoon.  Just enjoy the damn thing.  I put it here in light of the recent law passed in Arizona.)

By the way, I’ve been thinking of renting a U-Haul and driving to the nearest Cold Stone Ice Cream joint to purchase some desserty goodness that I’ll enjoy in my rented Best Western Hotel room for my holiday weekend.  And laugh at the idiots who are “boycotting" Arizona drinks.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!  Bunch of fucking morons.  Boycotting Arizona drinks because of the new law is like boycotting the airboat park down the street because you didn’t like that you had to pay to come in to our park.  By all means, boycott something that does not affect the other in the slightest.  Then again, no one said racist liberals used facts or reason...they just Twitter on endlessly, displaying their stupidity to the entire world.  Damn liberals are funny.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Joke For The Day

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi were standing together on a stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, “Did you know, that with a mere wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with excitement? Their joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice.”

Pelosi replied: “I seriously doubt, that with one wave of your hand, you can do that.  Prove it!”

The Pope raised his hand.....

...and backhanded the bitch.

The crowd went wild.

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Monday, November 02, 2009

Mafia Wars

A few months back, I was enlightened about a game called Mafia Wars by someone at work.  I went online to look at it, didn’t really get it and kind of forgot about it.  Now that I have my mocking face book account, I see I can play through FB and those who have signed in to be my pal and who play MW are apparently in my Mafia.  Cool.

I just signed up last night and am currently working on jobs, making money, getting points for more energy, attack and defense and the like but there are some things about this game that I totally do not understand.

Was wondering if any of you who do play, (especially those who are in my mafia), would be willing to answer some of my questions. 

I have questions about fighting.  I have questions about gifting, (where do I get those and how do I give them?) I have questions about these new places; I’ll see someone’s status stating they need help with something....how do I help them?  Do I have to have so many points in a category, (attack, stamina, health), to be able to help them?  What happens if I lose all my health points?  Do I die and that’s it for Mafia Wars for me?  Any quick ways to gain points?  How many points should I aim for in each category? 

Getting started is always slow going in any game, I know this and it’s going to take me awhile (time....time, time, time, always waiting for time to pass for more energy), but any helpful hints and tips, little secrets, would be appreciated.

If you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about and you have a FB account, go look at Mafia Wars and sign up.  Then request friend status to my FB account, (why the hell aren’t you there already?), and be part of my Mafia.  I like the idea of kicking some ass.

[Update] While I was learning and finding my way around, working hard as a gangsta, some punk ass bitch named Svensson attacked me.  Well guess what, bitch!  You lost!  I destroyed you and took your money.  Now get up and take your shattered carcass home...you’re messin’ up the scenery on my streets.

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Told You I Was Going To Do It

Alright kids, I have made that Face book account I told you I was going to make.  Since I’m still learning the ropes and my way around, I am not sure how to link right to my page.  I will tell you that my name on there is Marc Miwords.  If you have a FB account, look for that name and feel free to subscribe to it.  Or tell me how to get you on there if you want to be a follower.

Please remember kids, this is a mockery of those FB accounts by those mommies out there who delight in sharing their child’s poops and other disgusting information. 

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sunny Days Are Keeping The Clouds Away

Yes, let’s.  By the way, here’s what you can expect under a socialist, national health care plan:  Not Close Enough To Death

As always, keep voting like idiots so that 10, 20 years down the road you can look around, bewildered asking, “What happened?” YOU did, asshole.  You are what happened.

(hat tip: Kristine)

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"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

"The question is not: 'Can they reason?' nor 'Can they talk?' but 'Can they suffer?'" ~ Philosopher Jeremy Bentham

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