Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Another Ship Sails On By
Kids...sigh...would you like to know what real disappointment is? Crushing disappointment? SOUL CRUSHING disappointment? The kind of disappointment that makes you think that you must have been one hell of an asshole in a previous life?
You all know that I would love nothing more than a few acres of land in Florida, zoned for animals, quiet, peaceful, ready to live on so that I could open some sort of animal rescue or sanctuary, right?
And you all know that I’ve been looking around and most of what I see is way out of my price range. I just will never have a couple hundred thousand lying around. Nonetheless, I still look because you never know, right? Besides, looking around educates you on what to look for.
How would you feel if you found exactly, precisely, to. the. letter, what you need and it’s actually IN your fricken price range, something you can afford but!!!! (of course there’s a “but” because this is ME we are talking about), you are just short of being able to go on up, hand them the down payment, sign the contracts and finally FUCKING OWN WHAT YOU HAVE ONLY DREAMED OF FOREVER!
Do you know what it’s like to be thisclose to it all? Do you know what it’s like to know that what you need is what some people spend on a one week vacation or a watch or a fricken TOY and you would kill to have it because you could actually see your dream come true?
Do you have any fucking idea how GOTTDAMNED disappointing that is?
Let me show you what I’m talking about:
It’s perfect for what I want to do. I could cry. In fact, I may just do that.
I was very close to that down payment not too long ago. But then I rescued cats and dogs. I do not blame them, that’s exactly what the fuck I’m wanting to do...I’m just so...I’m actually sitting here wondering how much I can get for a kidney or plasma, how often can I give blood, how much could I make if I sold every last thing I owned, (minus the car since it’s paid for and I actually need that if I got the place), would it come to the amount needed? Should I turn tricks for a weekend? Maybe I could make that as a stripper for a week.
IF I had that down payment, what I would do is snatch that up, sign the papers, make the monthly payments but stay where I am right now, as far as work, and just keep making those payments. I would then, having the freedom to take my time, find a job that would allow me to be able to afford to live there OR I would save up massive amounts of cash over the next few years all the while, paying for this property. And while all of that was going on, I could then apply for my non profit status because I would now HAVE THE LAND to do this, the address and everything would be according to the law.
I could go there on my weekends and maintain it, make sure everything is great, no one is fucking around with it AND, I could even allow a renter or TWO, while I’m here, making money and saving.
I have looked at, literally, thousands of properties. THOUSANDS. This place is perfect. And it’s juuuuuust out of reach by an amount that some people consider peanuts. My fucking life long dream is like an inch away from my fingertips and no matter how much I stretch and reach and strain for it, I just can’t reach it. Even if I save every single penny I make, eating only Top Ramen, for the next three or four months, that place is going to be snapped up right away. It won’t be there in three or four months. A few grand and a couple of months off....I watch it disappear.
That is what soul crushing disappointment looks like, kids.
Please don’t tell me, “There will be others” because you must have missed the part where I said I have looked at thousands...plural thousands and I have NEVER seen something this perfect and something I could afford if I had that initial amount. There will NOT be another like this.
DAMNIT!
