Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Another Wise Saying ...
....I learned from my mother:
“Never expect anything from anybody.”
When my mother told me this over the phone some years back, I thought she was wrong. I thought she was a pessimist. I thought she had lost the meaning of hope. It took me many years to understand what it was that she was saying and when I figured it out, it came at a time when I wasn’t even thinking about it. I had thought of my mother’s words many times over those years....at times when I knew she would advise me of it again but when it clicked, I was doing nothing.
Seriously. Sometimes I just lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling and lose myself in thought. I go over memories, think about things I’ve learned, think about things I want to do....it’s like my form of meditation. I always give myself time at least once a week to do this. I don’t plan anything, I don’t answer the phone, I don’t read...I just lay back and lose myself in thought. I was thinking of something that had nothing to do with this expression, this advice but for some reason, it came rushing to the forefront of my mind and it really was almost like an audible click.
I remember bolting upright into a sitting position and feeling like I had just been smacked awake after so long. I sat there....a little dazed and allowed the realization to wash over me. Holy Moly! I GET IT! Oh my G-d! That makes so much sense! Damn! All that angst! All those hurt feelings.....oh how I could have spared myself from them if I had only understood this sooner!
Since then I have made great efforts to put it into practice. Realizing and understanding it is one thing. Applying it into everyday life after living a different way for so long is a lot harder. I get better each year and I hope one day to attain the ability to do it all the time.
Sometimes I can do it immediately. Sometimes I forget and after I start to get worked up, I remember and talk to myself...oh like you don’t....and get myself to do it. And....sometimes, I fight it. But again, I get better at it every year and it’s a piece of advice that so many out there would benefit from.
Whenever my friends used to dump their problems on me, I would tell them this story and hope that by repeating it, maybe one day they, too, could have their “A-HA!” moment and it would improve their lives.
I don’t expect it. I can only hope. All I can do is pass on the wisdom and then I have to step back and let them work it out or dismiss it. As long as I’ve tried I feel that’s the best thing I can do.
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately....a LOT! And I’m working through them, slowly, piece by piece....trying to get through this life utilizing the lessons I’ve learned so far. It’s funny...the older I get, the more I live another expression:
“The older I get, the more I realize how much I don’t know.”
Boy howdy isn’t that the truth? I was just writing to a friend of mine and mentioned that what makes me stronger actually isn’t when friends tell me, “You can do it! Just do it!” What makes me stronger is when I say, “I’ve experienced this” and my friends will say, “Yah. Me too. I struggle with that all the time.” That, amazingly to many, pushes me, motivates me, gives me strength to do what I know I need to do. Knowing that someone else has the same or similar struggles is what improves me. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. It makes me realize that I’m not an idiot...I’m a human being who is trying to get it right...just like they are.
When others admit they have made mistakes too, I don’t feel like I’m the only one who makes them on a constant basis.
Yes. I make mistakes all the time. I make a lot of my mistakes when it comes to trust. I want to trust so very much that I push instinct and reason aside. I never blindly, fully 100% trust another peson’s words if I feel it doesn’t add up but I do have a habit of giving them excuses. I have a habit of giving them the benefit of the doubt; I’m not living their life, I don’t have the full story, I haven’t seen the full picture and just because someone else may have fooled me doesn’t mean everyone will.
Of course a very good friend of mine tells me, “Never trust anyone! Ever!” I think she was half joking. I’ve gone a long time in this life not trusting people and you know? I don’t like living like that. I would like to think that there are some people out there who can be trusted, who’s word IS good enough.
Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’ll get hurt again but I want to enjoy those moments of bliss when I had some fun because I just allowed myself to trust someone. Maybe I’ll get thrown down again but each time, I learn.
Many have asked me if I regret things in my past. Not a bit. First and foremost, there is nothing that can be done to change any of it so why concentrate on the negative? What I try to do is remember it and take my lessons from it. As long as I have learned something, I regret nothing.
Nonetheless, I have just discovered today, because of an envelope I received in the mail from someone I have known almost my entire life, that just when you think you know someone and how they are going to respond or act....you don’t.
The contents inside this envelope absolutely shatters every idea I had about this person. I absolutely did not expect anything from this person. That doesn’t mean I did it right though. You see, I did expect the opposite. I expected this person not to show any support whatsoever. This envelope has opened up a whole new series of lessons for me to learn in the “expecting” field.
Don’t expect someone to do.....but don’t expect them not to do.
Funny. Sometimes I think I was smarter when I was younger. Bliss is a wonderful thing.....but learning is better.
[side note: I still haven’t decided if I’m going to post my photo or just email it to those who wanted to see it. I was testing a theory and my initial thoughts were right on the money. Some out there think a photo is going to bring readers back. I had a feeling that my readers come back because of what I say....whether it’s because they really like it or if for no other reason than to point and laugh....I’m pretty positive my photo would make absolutely zero difference in my loyal readers. Will it bring in a few more? Probably. Will they stay around? I think very few would if they initially came just for a photo. So, I know some of you wanted to see it but those of you who did....I know you would come back anyway. I was going to mention the theory on comments with that post but I think it speaks for itself. Still, you guys made me feel pretty good. Thanks for that.]
