I also used AOHell when I began my internet connecting in 1996. As I didn’t have any experience with, “surfing the web”, I, at the time, thought AOHell was a great service. The alternatives were Prodigy and Compuserve. They both sucked worse. I also tried my hand at Netscape but as I said, I was brand new to the internet and found it a little harder to use.
Anyway, this was back in the day when AOHell charged $2.95/hour. Yes...$2.95 PER HOUR! (thieves!). They then switched to charging $21.95 per month. But after awhile, I decided to venture on to other ISPs for the simple fact that they were offering MUCH lower access charges and I felt much more comfortable with the internet now.
I don’t have the verbatim down like Rachel does but I do remember trying to cancel my account one day. It’s a damn good thing I decided to do this on my day off because what ensued was the most ridiculous, irritating, insanity-making, longest telephone marathon I’ve ever endured. EVER!
I called up AOHell Customer Service (HA!). After going through all the damn, “If you want to upgrade, press 1”.
“If you need to change your address, press 2”.
“If you want to cancel your account, well that’s tough shit, we aren’t going to make it easy for you to find the menu you need. Continue pressing random numbers on your phone. Maybe you’ll get lucky.”
After about 10 minutes of this crap, I finally reach the menu for customer service to cancel my account. What followed was mind boggling and, as with Rachel, drove me to homicidal thoughts.
My FIRST attempt, left me on hold for an hour. I was subject to the most annoying music on the planet. I waited, waited, waited, fumed, waited, plotted my revenge, waited......THEN!
I got disconnected! *(&%$#@!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAGHGHGGHGHGH! I had to start ALL over!
Repeat process: 10 minutes later, back on hold. Sat on hold for another good hour or so. FINALLY get someone on the phone.
Me: “I’d like to cancel my account please.”
Idiot: “What is your account information?” (or something like that)
Me: [insert account info here.]
Idiot: “Hold please.”
Oh for the LOVE OF G-D! I sat on hold for another 20 minutes and THEN!
I got disconnected!
(This is the point where I started to laugh maniacally and I was sure I was going to actually go insane.)
FUCK!
So, *&$#@!, I dial the *$#!@ phone number again! ARGH! SHITFORBRAINS! This time, I sat on hold for.................and I’m NOT exaggerating:
4 FUCKING HOURS!
You read that right. FOUR hours! I heard that gottdamned tape with their hold music replay itself no less than 5 times!
You may ask, “Geez, why didn’t you just hang up and try again later?”
Principle! There was NO way in HELL these bastards were going to make me pay for ONE MORE DAY of their service if I had to stay on the phone ALL NIGHT!
I went through every emotion in the world. I even contemplated throwing my computer out my 6th story window onto the busy street below---but AOHell would still charge me so I reconsidered.
FINALLY, someone answered.
In a quivering, anger filled voice, and with spittle flying, I told the rep, “Look, I will do my damndest to not take my anger out on you but I have to forewarn you of what I have just gone through to get to here!” I then proceeded to explain.
Idiot: (in irritating cheery voice) “I’m sorry that you haven’t found this process easy. What can I do for you today?”
Course, now my irrational part is thinking, “Hey, SCREW YOU! That is NOT a decent apology!” But my rational side took over and tried to remember, it’s not this person’s fault.
Me: “I’d like to cancel my account.” (voice still shaking, trying to hold back the venom).
Idiot: “If you reconsider, we’ll give you (whatever the deal was at the time).”
Me: [thinking--even if I would have fallen prey to that, pre-phone call, I’m so fricken pissed right now that you couldn’t pay me to stay on your service! Assholes!] “No, I’m not interested. I just want to cancel my account.”
Idiot: “You do realize what you are giving up when you cancel don’t you? You lose, (blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah).”
Me: [thinking--Christ Almighty JUST CANCEL MY FRICKEN ACCOUNT YOU IDIOT TROLL DOLL!!!!! AAAAAAAA] “I know. But I still want to cancel my account.”
Then he proceeded to ask me, as they did Rachel, WHY I wanted to cancel my account. I asked them what difference it made, just PLEASE, I’ve wasted so much time trying to do this simple task, PLEASE cancel my account and stop with the Spanish Inquisition!
In the end, my account was canceled. I was lucky enough to not get billed a month later or even a year later. I think the person on the other end of the phone knew what was good for them and did it right the FIRST time. However, after that experience, over 6 years ago, I will NEVER, EVER, IN MY ENTIRE LIFE EVER use AOHell again! And I will advise, pester, mock those who are still using it. You are getting ripped off! There are many other ISPs who will do a thousand times better, way lower and they don’t leave you on hold for half the day when you need their assistance. Do yourself a favor and GET OFF AOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<--- Here Endeth The Lesson
