Sunday, September 13, 2009
Being Poor Makes You Stronger
It’s unbelievable to me how many people talk about how poor they are while they are listening to their iPods, diving in to their McD’s drive thru lunch, stepping out of their car and/or lighting their $8 scented candle. It’s unbelievable to me that in my life, I’ve had people ask to bum a smoke from me, telling me they can’t afford them as their cell phone rings again. It’s unbelievable to me that someone will ask me for money as they leave from work, on payday, check in their hand because they say that all of the check goes to bills and they have nothing left. It’s unbelievable to me that someone who doesn’t have to pay rent, sewage, garbage, water or electricity, who has a job, talks about how they don’t have enough money to eat, that they are barely scraping by this week and ask me for a hand out and sympathy knowing full well that the reason they don’t have money is because they don’t show up to work half the week. It’s unbelievable to me just how many people in this country do not understand what it is like to actually, truly, really be poor.
I’ve been poor. I’ve bored you with the story many times. I have been homeless, without a bed, with no food. I’ve been without a car, no phone, no cable, no cell phone, no internet, no washer/dryer, no video games, no take out, no drive thru, no money for the movies, no pop, no hair cuts, etc. I just love it when people try to lecture me about what it’s like to be poor and how I have no idea what it is like because America is such a rich country. They look foolish when they say that. I do know what it’s like. (And yet I still am against hand outs, welfare and national healthcare...go figure!)
I found a list from writer John Scalzi on Being Poor. I’m going to include the ones from his list that I know about, personally, have lived them, as well as add my own:
Being poor is knowing exactly how much everything costs.
Being poor is having to keep buying $800 cars because they’re what you can afford, and then having the cars break down on you, because there’s not an $800 car in America that’s worth a damn.
Being poor is feeling like you’re moving up in the world because you can actually afford an $800 piece of shit.
Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away.
Being poor is wondering if your well-off sibling is lying when he says he doesn’t mind when you ask for help.
Being poor is a heater in only one room of the house.
Being poor is thinking having more than one room in the house is a sign of your fortune changing.
Being poor is knowing you can’t leave $5 on the coffee table when your friends are around.
And when they do steal that money that was for your rent, you have to go and sell clothes and any CDs you’ve accumulated over the years but are so out of date, worn out and tattered that no store will buy them from you. Since the “friend” won’t admit to stealing, you have to go get another job to try to make up that rent money before it’s too late.
Being poor is feeling the glued soles tear off your supermarket shoes when you run around the playground.
Glued on soles also tear off when you’re stomping the pavement filling out applications and/or working.
Being poor is thinking $8 an hour is a really good deal.
I’ve actually thought this at one point in my life. Ok, a few times in my life.
Being poor is relying on people who don’t give a damn about you.
Number one lesson on being poor. This is the absolute first thing that you must learn. And you must not just learn about it, you must learn to accept it and deal with it. Because it IS.
Being poor is an overnight shift under florescent lights.
Being poor is stopping the car to take a lamp from a stranger’s trash.
Being poor is the police busting into the apartment right next to yours.
Being poor is not talking to that girl because she’ll probably just laugh at your clothes.
Or guy.
Being poor is hoping you’ll be invited for dinner.
Being poor is people thinking they know something about you by the way you talk.
Being poor is needing that 35-cent raise.
Being poor is six dollars short on the utility bill and no way to close the gap.
Being poor is crying when you drop the mac and cheese on the floor.
Being poor is knowing you work as hard as anyone, anywhere.
This is the one that gets me every time. I have worked my ever loving ass off my entire adult life. I’ve had three jobs at a time which meant that Mon, Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun I got only four hours of sleep. Tue and Wed seemed like vacations when I actually got to go home after an 8 hour work day. But I kept going. And I really get annoyed when those who don’t know what it’s like make the implication that poor people are that way because they are lazy. These are some of the most insensitive people I’ve ever known and these people have absolutely zero understanding of what life is like for many people. I am not lazy, have never been lazy and continue to work hard. Some people, no matter how hard they try, just can’t get ahead. And some of us served our country and went to college to get an education and something happened along the way to rip that out of our hands. Show some compassion instead of so much hatred. Not everything works as it should.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you’re not actually stupid.
Oh God, I could go on and on about this one.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you’re not actually lazy.
See above.
Being poor is never buying anything someone else hasn’t bought first.
Being poor is picking the 10 cent ramen instead of the 12 cent ramen because that’s two extra packages for every dollar.
To this day, I cannot stomach ramen noodles. I will never eat them again. I survived off of these things and I mean only these things, nothing else, nothing, not a bite of anything else, for an entire year. The mere sight of them now makes me feel nauseous. No lie. Also…
Being poor is knowing the big difference between ramen noodles and Cup O’ Noodles and knowing you can’t afford Cup O’ Noodles.
Being poor is getting tired of people wanting you to be grateful.
Being poor is knowing you’re being judged.
Constantly. Non stop.
Being poor is checking the coin return slot of every soda machine you go by.
Being poor is deciding that it’s all right to base a relationship on shelter.
Being poor is knowing you really shouldn’t spend that buck on a Lotto ticket.
Being poor is hoping the register lady will spot you the dime.
Being poor is a cough that doesn’t go away.
Being poor is making sure you don’t spill on the couch, just in case you have to give it back before the lease is up.
Being poor is a $200 paycheck advance from a company that takes $250 when the paycheck comes in.
Don’t do it. It may answer your problems right now, but it will cause massive problems later and it is very hard to get out of that cycle. DO. NOT. USE. Advanced pay day loans. Don’t do it.
Being poor is four years of night classes for an Associates of Art degree.
Being poor is a lumpy futon bed.
Being poor is knowing where the shelter is.
Being poor is people who have never been poor wondering why you choose to be so.
It’s not a choice. It is absolutely not a choice. “Well you chose blah blah blah and that is why you are poor.” No. You don’t know a damn thing of what you are talking about. Again, not everything works out in real life like it does on paper or in your ideal little world or daily planners.
Being poor is seeing how few options you have.
To an extent, this is true. It’s not that you don’t have the options, it’s that you can’t exercise those options when you want to. And it’s not a matter of not getting what you want, it’s a matter of struggling to exist and hope to GOD you have enough left over to save so that you can go for that option...someday....hopefully soon.
Or not.
Being poor is knowing things you never wanted to know and seeing things you never wanted to see.
Being poor is knowing that your life would have been so, so much different if you had $500 at the time you really, really needed it.
Being poor is being reminded, daily, that a matter of $500 is what drastically changed your life.
Being poor is knowing that those who could have helped you just didn’t want to.
Being poor is not having a family or friends to help you out because they either don’t have themselves or they think you don’t deserve it.
Being poor is not having the money to fight the insurance company who totally screwed you over; and they know they did simply because you were poor.
Being poor is feeling completely and utterly alone.
Being poor is putting yourself in potentially dangerous situations because you are so desperate for help.
Being poor is also scraping the inside of the toothpaste tube, shampoo bottle or lotion bottle trying to get every last bit out of it because you don’t have the money to get more.
Being poor is washing your clothes in the bathtub with generic shampoo because you can’t afford the luxury of the laundromat, are too embarrassed to haul your dirty laundry on the bus to get to the laundromat even if you could and don’t have enough money to get actual clothes washing detergent.
Being poor is knowing the difference in how socks feel when they’ve been tumble dried and how socks feel when they’ve been hung in up your bathroom to dry.
Being poor is stressing out about how you’re going to get to work when the bus fare goes up 10 cents.
Being poor is rolling up your long sleeved shirts to the elbows so no one will see that the cuffs are tearing off.
Being poor is having people call you “white trash” or “ghetto trash” even though you know you’re not trash.
Being poor is writing in for free samples and when they arrive in the mail, it feels like Christmas.
Being poor is not being able to participate in office pot lucks because you can’t afford to bring anything.
Being poor is being told you are too poor to receive government assistance and the humiliation that takes place when the “guy in the next room” won’t even come out to look at you.
Being poor is stealing toilet paper rolls from work.
Being poor is partaking in medical studies at the local university hospital that wreak havoc on your body because after one year there’s $100 in it for you.
Being poor is knowing just how expensive it is to be poor.
Being poor is literally not having any money when you say, “I don’t have any money.”
Being poor is listening to others talk about reusing tea bags because they are so poor and wishing you could afford tea.
Being poor is doing an intensive search inside your friend’s car for change, any change that can be found in hopes that you’ll find enough to put gas in her car to get you home.
Being poor is having to go to Planned Parenthood for all of your check ups and still not being able to donate any money when you’re done.
Being poor is eyeballing the left over breakfast on a room service tray and seriously contemplating eating it.
Being poor is losing out on so many jobs because you have no way to get there and that includes public transportation.
Being poor is having your landlord pay your rent for you one month out of total and complete pity for you because he knows how hard you are trying. You pay him back after going to a few charities but you never stop feeling embarrassed about it.
Being poor is splurging and buying Kool-Aid. As time goes on and the level of juice lowers, you keep refilling the Kool-Aid pitcher with water, over and over again until the color finally fades leaving you with only slightly tinged drinking water.
Being poor is thinking that maybe strippers aren’t so dumb afterall.
Being poor is accepting a hand out from a homeless man begging for change. (Yes, this actually happened.)
Being poor is taking the fast food job up the street because it offers 25 cents more per hour and you don’t have to sit 4 hours on a bus to get to and from there. Besides, you might get some free food.
Being poor is not having enough money in your bank account to do a minimum withdrawal from the ATM.
Being poor is getting new clothes from the “exchange table” in the laundry room of your apartment building.
Being poor is using blankets for window coverings.
Being poor is meeting people elsewhere because you don’t want them to know where you actually live.
Being poor is becoming friends with the bus driver so that on the days you just don’t have the money, at least you can get to work. How you get home is another story.
Being poor is trying to pay for food at the store with a big bag of change and the grocer won’t accept the money.
Being poor is asking a stranger on the street what time it is and the lady looks at you with wide eyed fear and she grabs her handbag closer to her and her husband whisks her away from you.
Being poor is having a gang member lock their door when they see you cross the street in front of their car.
Being poor is realizing you’ll never be able to afford to finish your college education no matter how badly you want to finish.
Being poor is having the heat so low in your apartment in the winter that the zippers on your boots break.
Being poor is counting out your change and realizing that if you buy a pop from the pop machine just once this week, you will not have enough money to get the bus home on Friday.
Being poor is swallowing your pride and letting others know you are poor because you have lost 30 pounds in one month from starvation and you need food.
Being poor is doing things you never thought you would do just so that you can get ahead.
Being poor is only telling one person about those things you’ve done because the rest of the world has told you that you should be ashamed of your current situation.
Being poor is understanding that most people will never fully grasp what it means to be poor.
And finally…
Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.
Being poor is not having any margin for error. The problem is that life only rarely lets people get through it without error.
Actually, this is “and finally...”
Being poor doesn’t mean you give up hope. Being poor just means it takes you a little longer to get there. But if and when you do get there, it will be very, very tasty to teach those who shoved you to the side when you were down, how to treat a human being.
Being poor is learning that you can survive almost anything.
Being poor is learning compassion and forgiveness even for those who put you down for being poor, saying you are/were lazy and/or stupid, for one day, they may need your help.
Being poor is knowing that you may be poor financially, but inside you are far wealthier than most of those around you.
