Thursday, March 22, 2007
Black and White
“Knowledge is power.”
“Ignorance is bliss.”
These are two ideas that I go back and forth on just about each and every single day of my existence. Some days I wish I was smarter so that I would be taken seriously, be farther ahead in life, have more money, not have things sneak up on me and bite me because I was so blind to them, know what to do and say in any situation....
And then some days I wish I was an idiot. A blissfully ignorant idiot. If you don’t get it, you don’t care. If it doesn’t ever click for you, you don’t feel foolish later. If I could just go through life, laughing like a loon at my own stupidity.....it might just be blissful. “Oh! Did I miss that? hahahahaha! Oh well. La la la la who cares....hey! Where’s my gum?”
It sucks to know too much and it sucks not to know enough. I feel out of place with those who are brilliant and I feel very out of place with those who are ridiculously clueless. I know I’m pretty smart and I know that I do and say stupid things some times. I make mistakes and open my mouth when it should be slammed shut. The smart part of me screams, “Shut up! This is not the time! SHUT! UP!” but the stupid part says, “Why not?” and proceeds to blurt out things I shouldn’t be saying. The smart part of me groans and smacks its forhead in frustration. The stupid part says, “What?” blink.
Later on, the smart part admonishes the stupid part. “You idiot! Why don’t you ever listen to me? God!” The stupid part says, “Hey, at least I’m not too much of a wuss to say something for fear of looking like me!” Smart part: “What the f...? That didn’t even make sense.” Stupid part: “I know! Isn’t it great! La la la la who cares....hey! Where’s my gum?”
I wish I could be one or the other. Either get it right all the time or be so damned ignorant that if I don’t get it right...ever, it won’t bother me one bit.
But what can just blow your ego right out is to be smart enough to know that you can be one ignorant shit sometimes.
