Friday, July 25, 2003
Dark Day
Operation Pet Liberation/Battle of the Flea
0500 hours: It has come to the attention of this unit that 4 hostages have been taken over by holometabolic insects. Battle plans have been drawn up. In the process of reviewing strategy, a suicide flea entered the area and threatened the life of the General. Said General was able to kill suicide flea with one mighty and swift slap. Minimal damage and only slight injury was sustained by General.
0900 hours: After breakfast, troop was ready to rescue hostages and begin, �Shock and Awe� campaign. Vehicles and equipment have been issued and the Maintenance Company has inspected and verified all are in top working condition. Troop lined up in formation and re-examined battle plans. Motivation is high. Unit is waiting on word from the top.
0930 hours: The Commander in Chief (aka General aka Troop) has declared that the war has begun.
1100 hours: After much fierce fighting, the hostages have been rescued and have been taken to a secret location. Battle was bloody. Standard weapons such as the M1A1 vacuum cleaner, Whirlpool F-17 washing machine, in addition to several chemical agents were used to kill enemy fleas and to take over several sections of the country.
1230 hours: Region known as the �French Quarters� (aka kitchen) has been taken over and renamed. General feels it is fit to bug bomb entire area and rebuild as this was a wasted and rarely visited area. Scheduled dropping of MOAB is classified.
1400 hours: All hostages have been given a decontamination bath by Troop and they have been moved to another undisclosed location. All are resting comfortably. They have been fed and watered and will be watched closely for any signs of medical conditions.
1530 hours: Campaign to �Win Hearts and Minds� has begun. This included providing food rations and treats to citizens of the country. Water is once again flowing. Other actions included cleaning and refilling Booda Dome and LitterMaid. These objects have been restored to better than pre-war conditions. A toy drop has taken place.
1600 hours: Troop has just returned and is exhausted. Request for leave has been approved. Troop has retired to the showers due to the fact that troop was drenched in sweat and chemicals. Troop has been issued fresh civilian clothing to wear on leave. Troop is required to return to base within 48 hours.
1630 hours: Commander in Chief/General has determined that the ground war is over but flearilla fighting may continue. Intelligence agents are combing the country. Operation Pet Liberation has now been changed to Operation Fleas Better Stay Dead.
1700 hours: Rotation of Base Guard schedule has been posted. General will be the sole troop to carry out this mission.
1730 hours: Body Count has been released.
Our side: 0 casualties. However, several friendly fire war wounds were inflicted when hostages were being decontaminated. Troop expected to recover.
Enemy Flea side: Unknown but estimates reach well over 100.
Photo of one dead enemy flea has been posted to prove to citizens and other terrorist fleas that battle was a success and that this unit means business. Several citizens outside the borders have complained that this was hypocritical. General has promised to personally take care of those individuals.
**Warning!** Photo is graphic. All those with small children should remove them from the room immediately before viewing.
Click link to view: Dead Flea.
