Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Duck Season! Rabbit Season!
It’s mosquito season and I’ve already bagged about four in the past 20 minutes. Considering these things were in abundance when I moved here in September and did not take their leave until some time in November, it’s shaping up to be a long war. I don’t know why they come at me, they don’t attack my brother.
Within the first two weeks of my arrival, I was literally covered in mosquito bites on my arms, face and neck. My brother, who spends a lot of time outdoors either tending to his yard or camping, comes up spotless. I find this highly annoying.
I went so far as to purchase three different brands of repellent last year and that was like giving them a complimentary drink on the house before they dived into the main course. I will not let these bastards mark me up again.
One good thing about having a cast/splint on is watching them land on it and try to find a good location to put their straws. I envision their tiny mosquito beaks being shattered as they jab into heavy plaster and I laugh heartily right before I smack them dead.
Anyway, I think by staying in the front yard this year, I will greatly reduce my chances at having my blood sucked dry by these beasts. I’ve become quite comfortable these days with sitting on the garden bench in the front yard. If I want to just enjoy the day, I don’t have much of a choice, really. I’m getting used to the neighbors staring at me so really, there is nothing else that would make me pick the back yard over the front.
The back yard does have a nice patio/deck area with some wrought iron chairs and it’s a little more private but I’ve made the decision that I’ve had quite enough of that area. Since I broke my ankle, I have only been out in the back yard two times. I wouldn’t even call it, “being in the back yard” actually.
The first time I opened the door to “get back on that horse”, a paook came screaming in and after my heart seized, I had to crutch after it at a high rate of speed and destroy it. (Some may remember that post.)
The second time I opened the door to the backyard was when the power went out and the workers were up looking at that transistor, (I think that was the word), searching for the possibility of a fried squirrel. And again, a paook came racing in at top speed the second I opened the door.
Forget it. Just forget it!
While the backyard may be lovely, it just isn’t worth the heart failure. Additionally, it seems the paooki have taken over and have built a tiny city on the outside of the panes on the wall of windows and French doors. I just don’t have it in me to fight them all off. Maybe one day I’ll go out there with a can of Raid and soak their fat backsides but for now, I think I’ll let them have it.
After killing the 3rd mosquito, I recalled a conversation via comments with a reader about killing things. Yah, I forgot about mosquitos. I don’t feel a shred of guilt for killing them. They are nasty, annoying, they drink out my very life blood and they carry diseases. If that wasn’t bad enough, they go after my cat and that, dear readers, is the quickest way to get yourself injured or destroyed if you’re a bug.
Unless you’re a cockroach. Then the cat is on her own. She doesn’t chase after them like she does other bugs though. Can’t say that I blame her. I’d probably bag a couple of those as well if I had the stomach for it but I don’t think I could hold my lunch down after hearing their exoskeleton snap and pop apart. Eeesh that is a nasty sound.
I’ve seen more in this house than I desire, (Desire content=0), and some have had the cajones! to run after me but with a few quick dodges and sharp turns, I have been able to outsmart them and they eventually tire and give up. Thing is, I never minded cockroaches before I moved here. The ones up north are small and kinda cute. These spawn are gargantuan and they scuttle around on the tips of their legs as if to threaten me. Oh no, Mr. Cockroach, the last thing you want to do is threaten me! If I can overcome and obliterate a paook, I most certainly can overcome and break you in half. Best think twice.
The other bugs that bother me, (yes, I know how easy it would have been to place a pun there and use the word, “bug” as in, “bug me”...but it’s just too simple), are those blister bugs I was introduced to last year. Man those are some ugly creatures. One reader stated that they don’t attack unless you attack first and I’ll have to believe that but they sure like to fly right up in my face on their way to the side paneling on the house. They’re pushing their luck as well.
So, as it stands, I have successfully knocked out four potential West Nile Virus carriers and am currently wearing the remains of their carcasses on my clothes. Which is to be expected since I decided to wear something lighter in color today. Oh yes, that just goes without saying. If I wear light colored clothing, it will be stained within the hour. Many people think I wear dark clothes because I’m brooding or depressed or trying to be gothic or punk. No. I wear dark clothes because....well, okay, old school punk is in there a bit, but I wear dark clothes because I am incapable of keeping dirt and grime and food and other such substances off of me otherwise.
If you ever saw the movie, “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” and you remember the bar scene where Abby sits down at the bar and dips a chip into the salsa and promptly spills it down the front of her,you’ll understand what I mean because that’s me. Especially if I’m talking to a hot guy like the character, Brian. In fact, I can guarantee that result 100% of the time if there is a fine young man in my vicinity.
So, if you will excuse me, I’m off to throw on some darker material.
Oh, and should anyone actually be wondering what’s up with the site, explanations are due to arrive on April 09. Not that anyone cares.
