Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Early To Bed, Early To Rise
Does not make one feel more rested. And the jury is still out on that “wise” bit.
Dudes...I can’t remember the last time I was this exhausted. Maybe when I was in the military...but back then, I was 18, 19, 20 years old. Now I’m a bit older than that and man...I’m fricken tired.
This job is kicking my ass. And I love every single minute of it.
I had actually received the phone call about this job on June 28th but I didn’t recognize the number, I didn’t have a lot of minutes on my phone left, I didn’t get a message so I never called that number back. I thought it was a wrong number and I didn’t want to waste minutes on that. He called again the day I wrote about it and I did get the job anyway but I could have been doing this about two weeks longer than I have been.
So far, I’m doing pretty well, I think. Granted, the parking/docking of the air boats is NOT easy--remember, we have to parallel park them coming from the opposite direction in a canal that is not very wide with no reverse and no brakes. Can be difficult. I’m getting my turns down a LOT better but I’m still a little off when it comes to docking...I still wait just a little too late. But, again, I’ve never done this before and I’ve only been at it less than a week.
The guys tell me I’m too quiet. That’s usually how I am until I get to know someone. Another girl who started at the same time as me, (one week earlier), is too loud. She’s trying too hard to fit in and is misunderstanding what it is to be a girl in a “guy’s world”. She’s going to talk herself right out of a job, I think. At first I thought it was just me and that maybe I’m just not good with female co-workers but it’s not just me. The past three days I’ve heard all the guy drivers talking about how much she annoys the crap out of them, she talks too much, she curses WAY too much, (and these are guys who use “fuck” as a noun, verb and adjective), she is a massive smart ass and she sits on her ass a lot instead of working. Now, she does do some work but it seems only when she is asked and only after complaining about it or making a smart ass comment. She tries to laugh it off as a joke but not many are impressed with her. Still, she docks really well and she can drive the air boats. She’s biting at the bit to get started giving her own tours. I don’t blame her and I think she is good at driving the boat...I think she just needs to calm the hell down and learn when to be quiet, take some initiative and stop acting like she’s known these people her entire life. I know the feeling of wanting to fit in and be chummy...but it takes time.
I also noticed that the boss, Mr. Grumpy Pants, is actually quite funny. He’s very mellow and he is very serious about the work and the money and he’s not too keen on people sitting around doing nothing...but he throws a good zinger out there once in awhile and smiles. LOT different than the person I met for the interview. I’ve also noticed that when he’s dealing with the other girl, he is quite short with her. I’ve watched that and waited for him to be short with me if I make a mistake or don’t do something exactly right but so far, he has not been that way. He has asked me several times, “So, what do you think?” and I’m afraid he thinks I’m not going to be able to handle it and go scrambling back to corporate America despite how many times I’ve voiced just how much I hate it.
I work my ass off there. I’m always there to do a task they give me, I don’t give them lip, I don’t whine about it, I do it. I’m not very good on driving the air boat just yet but I’m getting there. I’m doing a great job with it considering I don’t have any experience and it’s only been a week but no, I’m not ready to go driving some tour yet. I know this. I have graduated to practicing on my own, though. Drivers have been telling the boss I don’t need anyone to go with me; just get out there and learn on my own...but I’m not ready for a tour yet. As far as I know, that’s the only thing I’m not 100% on as of this moment. And it’s okay that I’m taking this time to learn it because even people who have driven air boats before are made to practice for a couple of weeks before the boss lets them take tours. So, I THINK I’m right on schedule and I’m doing everything correctly or as expected. I don’t think I’m falling short anywhere.
I have the day off today after 6 straight days and yah, ok, 6 days is no big deal...I know. That’s not a big number. I’ve done many jobs in my life, I know. But trust me, 6 days out there doing this job? It will kick your ass. I’m not sore...I’m fricken exhausted. Every single muscle in my body is screaming for rest. Unfortunately, I have the other job and yah, it’s at home but there have been days that I’ve been so damn tired and have had a horrible headache from the heat, (no a/c where I work....just giant fans and it’s been HOT this week), that I’ve laid in my bed while working on the lap top. No, I don’t mean sitting in bed, I mean LAYING in bed..on my side, head on pillow while working the other job on my laptop. You see? I’m fucking devoted.
Friday, though, I couldn’t do the second job no matter how much you paid me. I came home and passed out early. Last night I did the same thing. I didn’t even have the energy to bathe when I got home. I had just enough energy to throw on my pajamas and crawl in to bed. I couldn’t even get up to put my nightguard in when I realized I hadn’t put that in yet. I got home around 6pm. I was asleep by 7pm and I did not wake up until 6:30 this morning.
EX. HAUSTED!
So. After all this talk about the job, a friend is going to apply there today--I think they would fit right in. I called the boss this morning to ask if he was still accepting applications and he said, “I have a pretty full staff right now...but I don’t think everyone I just hired is going to work out, if you know what I mean.”
I hope to GOD he is not talking about me. I said, “Yah, I know”, thinking about the girl who everyone says talks too much and is annoying them. It’s sad if that is who he is talking about because again, I think she’ll give great tours but the girl is messing up with her mouth and sitting on her ass too much. If he’s talking about me? If I lose this job? I’m going to be pissed. I work my ass off. I sweat 10 gallons of water a day. I am always right there, whenever they turn around and need me to do something. I’m learning the air boat and doing well considering my experience level and short amount of time doing it. I’m always on time, every single day. I don’t request any special schedule, (except my birthday), I have nothing that conflicts with this job, I even THANKED the boss for hiring me, (I’ve never thanked a boss in my life...and I meant every word of it), I take initiative and find work to do....yah, acclimating to the constant heat has been rough. The boss has conversed with me about that telling me he understands. I didn’t complain, said not a word but he saw me rubbing the side of my head one time and asked if I had a headache. I told him, “Oh yah, it’s just from the heat...I’ll get used to it.” He replied that yes, it can take awhile to get used to it after sitting in an office with freezing a/c temps and then told me to stop drinking ice cold beverages--that actually makes it worse. Drink beverages that are somewhat cold or room temp. I did that and the next day? No headache.
But I worry. I always worry that I’m fucking up somehow. Maybe I’m doing something or not doing something..maybe I AM too quiet, maybe that bothers people and they’re not telling me. Maybe I SUCK at driving the air boat but they’re not telling me. I always worry about things like this. The more I like something, the more I worry it will be taken away. No jokes about it. It’s something that I’ve done all my life...it’s a learned behavior from when I was small and I cannot seem to kick it. The better something is, the more I worry it will go away. Now, sometimes, I worry it right out of my life...hell, I think I’ve done that recently, but it does not make me stop doing it. When I care that much about something, I go in to full on fear mode. “Don’t fuck this up! Do NOT fuck this up!” And I do everything I can to make sure I don’t fuck it up to the point that sometimes people misread it as needy or clingy, (when it comes to relationships), or ‘always under foot’ when it comes to a job or whatever.
Some people think it’s a self esteem issue. It has nothing to do with my self esteem. I KNOW I kick ass. I know I’m awesome. I know I’m a great person and funny and smart and pretty cool all around. I know I have a great work ethic and I know I do the job right. It doesn’t stop the worrying. That’s not something that can be easily explained away from your basic Psychology 101. It’s something deep rooted in me from my early days. Yes, of course, 9 times out of 10 I realize I had nothing to worry about and I eventually calm down but until I reach that point? I worry. Worry, worry, worry. When it comes to work? It tends to go in my favor because I work that much harder. When it comes to relationships? It tends to screw me right out of a good relationship. Whatever. It’s there, it’s who I am, it’s part of my character. It doesn’t make me less of a person. It just means I worry too much. Duh. So what?
But seriously, I hope he’s not talking about me.
Because I LOVE this job. Someone said in comments earlier that if you find a job you like or love, you’ll never work another day in your life. And you know what? That is the damn truth. I have worked my ass off over the past 6 days and I have two days off now...and you know what? I’m kind of bummed that I’m NOT working today! I need the rest, I seriously need the rest...but I actually wish I was out there again today.
I’ve NEVER said that about a single job in my entire life.
So, let’s hope to GOD he’s not talking about me. Okay? And let’s hope the friend gets that job, too. (Especially if he’s not replacing me. His wife thinks it would be funny if that happened. I don’t believe that would be funny in the slightest. Ironic? Sure. Funny? Absolutely not.)
And now I have to go back to bed before I collapse. I got up to write this out...you see what I do for you? Now leave me alone...I need sleep.
[update] Sleep. Hahahahaha! I crack myself up. Or I’m cracking up...I’m too tired to know anymore. How foolish I was to think I’d get sleep today. I have another job, remember? And that means I have a meeting today that will last a couple of hours and I have more work thrown at me today. Sleep. Excuse me, I need to roll around on the floor while holding my sides and laughing at my naive self.
It’s all part of the plan. I have goals. I have to sacrifice....I sacrifice sleep this time around. Last time it was my happiness..this time it’s that glorious rest. All for the ultimate goal.
Oh well, I’ll have plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead, right?
Someone kill me?
