Saturday, October 18, 2003
Escape From Cubicle Hell
Well, I think it�s apparent I didn’t get the job I applied for last week. Which is fine. I mean, granted, I’m TIRED of looking for a job and just wish to be employed, thank you very much, but at the same time, it was one of those dreaded cubicle jobs and after my last few experiences, I can’t say I’m all that broken-hearted about it either.
Now, I happen to like the original concept of the cubicle because I like to concentrate, get into my work and get the job done. But apparently, “cubicle” means “tiny neighborhood” and “work” means, “cocktail social hour” (sans the alcohol) to some.
Why is it that there are always a handful of co-workers, (or bosses), who feel the need to fill you in on EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. DETAIL. of their lives to you at work? I’ve talked about the idiotic things my ex-boss has said in the past but she wasn’t the only one who ran her mouth on and on and on about mindless, trivial, BORING, bullshit! And there I am, a prisoner at my desk, unable to escape the incessent mouth diarrhea spilling forth all around me. Often I prayed for lightning to strike me dead right then and there, just to relieve me of the misery.
I DO NOT CARE ABOUT:
How much you like chocolate chip cookie dough.
What color nail polish you have on today.
How you don�t want your orange and how you feel the need to ask for 10 straight minutes if someone else wants it.
Who the hell is going to Taco Bell for lunch.
Just write the email asking those who want Taco Bell to come by your desk with their order and money. Must I suffer through 35 mind numblingly STUPID emails, �I do!� �Oh! I do too!� �I do but I don�t have enough money!� �I�ll loan you some money� �Ok, who�s going?� �I don�t know, do you want to go?� �No, do you want to go?� �No, hey Lynn, will you go?�
G-d BLESS America WHY must I endure this?
The reason your shoes are dirty because you went to the Spaghetti Factory, got drunk and puked all over yourself outside in the parking lot two weeks ago.
Your intimate details of not only your painful and long pregnancy but the birthing process too.
ANY female problems you are having, MOST ESPECIALLY WHEN I�M TRYING TO EAT MY LUNCH!
Your marital problems, money problems, ex-lover problems, etc.
I came here to do a job not listen to you prattle on ENDLESSLY because you don�t have the self confidence or esteem to handle a lull in conversation.
(Note: This is a fantastic time to actually do your work!)
I don�t need the 300 emails of everyone�s reaction to a joke that was sent. QUIT HITTING “REPLY ALL” FOR THE LOVE OF G-D!
But there is one thing I will talk about and that is if I catch you not washing your hands in the bathroom. That is just sick! Especially if we happen to be having a pot luck that day and you want to go reaching inside the cracker box or be touching the meat or deviled eggs with your bare, soiled and nasty hands. And if I find out what you made, don�t expect me to try it and don’t give me that hurtful look because we both know that I know that you don’t wash!
I understand that people socialize at their jobs. I have no problem with that but can we PLEASE talk about something thought provoking before I stab myself in the neck with these scissors?
