Monday, March 21, 2011
Grrr!
Well, I’m getting there...S-L-O-W-L-Y because some things are NOT user intuitive and frankly, right now, I’m about to just say “to hell with the whole thing” because I haven’t slept in three days, it’s the LITTLE THINGS that are driving me crazy...I got the big things down...the stuff that most people cannot do, I can do very easily but the little things? THEY WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME, I SWEAR!
And sometimes I think, “Am I going to go through all of this madness, this frustration, this IDIOCY and the whole thing won’t even work out?”
I really hope it does but I don’t know if it will. All I can do is try but damn, man, if I go through all of this and get fucking ignored, I will finally, and at long last, just give up on the world. Seriously.
I can get it started....I can get things up and running for the most part but some things....some things are just beyond irritating and when I do finally figure them out, at great damage to my heart muscle because I’m about to go stark raving mad, I have no clue how to get anyone interested.
I am no good at marketing myself. I am no good at marketing my ideas. I am no good at getting people interested. I really am not. I do not have those skills. And it is because of the lack of those skills, I truly wonder if this is even going to work.
NO, I’m not being pessimistic, I really, really, really am not good at sales or selling things. I have never been good at it. I don’t know HOW to do it. I do not know how to pick up a phone, call someone and convince them to “buy my product” so to speak. (I’m not selling anything for cash, it’s an example.)
I can do a whole hell of a lot of things but marketing? Sales? SUCK, I SUCK AT IT. I am being honest about that. I know it’s hard to believe that I suck at something, that I don’t know something or how to do something but that is the biggest thing I cannot do. I’ve tried. I’ve tried a lot in my life but I. CAN’T. SELL. SHIT!
("sell" here doesn’t mean for MONEY, it means also “sell” an idea or “sell” someone on something.....please understand that...)
Maybe I’m just boring and what I have a passion for is boring and what I like is boring and no one gives a crap what I like, want to do, am interested in and does not give a shit to help out in any way, shape or form.
I think I can be interesting but maybe I’m the only one who finds me interesting. That could be.
I really hope I’m not going through all of this for nothing. What I’m trying to do can actually be something very good and I hope people want to be part of it, in what way they can, and there are many ways to be a part of it....but will anyone bite?
And will I have done all of this for nothing? Should I just stop making myself stress out trying to fix those little things and should I just succumb to a boring ass life of “having done nothing worthwhile in this world AT ALL” and be a nothing who merely exists: I’ll go to work, I’ll do my job and I’ll come home and lay in bed watching t.v. every night....maybe that’s my life. Maybe I’m not meant to do something great. Which would suck because I can’t imagine not doing something good or worthwhile at some point in my lifetime....
Jesus I don’t want to die and have done nothing in this life that made a difference.
But I’m so afraid that I’m going to try my damndest here and that’s what’s going to happen.
However, I will never know if I can be part of something great or I just have great ideas that no one cares about and be a nothing until I get these little things fixed up and working properly and then revealing everything to a HOPEFULLY listening world....and figure out how the hell to get anyone interested....
Gah.
I’m going to go bang my head against a wall now. I think it would be less painful than the current stress I’m feeling.
Yah, kids, I’m very afraid to fail. I don’t mean in situations here and there...I mean as a whole.
I was hoping that I’d have something to share with you and I almost do....almost. It’s almost there. But, I get things set up, add on something else to make it really neat and that add on fucks up the first thing I did so I have to go back and figure out what the hell and I can’t find it and I’m just about ready to be committed.
All this drama....I hope it’s worth it in the end but what if it’s for nothing?
