Sunday, January 18, 2009
Guns, Dogs And Idiots
So I got emotional. I’m a girl, sue me.
I got the gun.
Meaning, I paid for it but apparently, I was wrong about being able to get it same day. Oops. Well, I better remedy that right quick as well before that slimey bastard takes that away. Anyhoo, I filled out the paperwork and have to wait my five fucking days and apparently the form is longer and different thanks to the douchebag at VA Tech.
Now that you know I got it and can breathe a sigh of relief, (and it was Dogette who pushed me over the edge. Her comment got to me at just the right moment. I took it as a sign), let me tell you how things went down:
Traffic actually wasn’t too bad getting there, which is one thing I was not looking forward to as the people in this town can not fucking drive. I’ve lived a lot of places, I’ve seen a lot of crappy drivers that make your jaw drop but here? It’s inexplicable. These people go from driving a donkey cart to a car because the DMV test is a joke anymore. Circling traffic cones in the parking lot is not equivalent to real traffic. And if these people can’t read English, they should not get a fucking license. Any time I have to leave the sanctity of my little wilderness, I get angry. Before I even start the car. Just knowing I have to deal with them gets my hackles up. Aside from some ignorant twat who “ssssssed” at me at the stoplight, (to which I simply rolled up the car window without even a glance in his direction), the trip there was simple and pretty much a straight shot.
Ok. Not too bad. Maybe things will go well today.
I got to the place, parked out in BumFuck Egypt because of all the people, (GOOD! That kind of crowd is about the only crowd I’m happy to see), walked to the doors, paid my 10 smackers, got my hand stamped with a big, red “GUN” stamp, (that I hope to GOD does not wash off before tomorrow so all the tourists from France can see it), went through the detector and there I was. In the show.
Now, while I was in line, waiting to go through the detector, I overheard a conversation between some guy and the girlfriend he obviously drug to the show in line, directly behind me. She was complaining about being there. She hadn’t even been in the building more than 30 seconds before she said, “I’m already starting to feel sick seeing this.” I bit my tongue HARD! I wanted to turn around and say, “Look, moron, the people in here are not the people you need to be worrying about. These people are not the ones who go out on shooting sprees. These are people who respect guns. These are people who, for the most part, know a thing or two about guns and seriously, given all the security here and all the fucking paperwork they have to fill out and the waiting period and the background checks, blah, blah, blah....you really ought to listen to your boyfriend there. This is like a field trip for you. He’s trying to teach you something so shut your pie hole and pay attention.”
But, I didn’t. Don’t need to be starting some fight in the line and get kicked out before I get in.
And I am sure there was a lot of straw buying, (I think is the term), going on in there but the guy I got my gun from told me that he had turned away many people who were trying to pull that over on him. These people, many of them, are not stupid when it comes to that. They know what to look for and if they even suspect it’s going on, they’ll tell the person they won’t sell them the gun. Do they catch everyone? I’m sure they don’t but for the most part, the girl’s hysterics were over what the media tells her to believe instead of the reality.
Anyway, once in I found the person I know with the booth and he directed me to the table of his friend who had brought the gun I wanted down for the sole purpose of me purchasing it. I walked over, introduced myself and examined three of the Smith and Wesson SW99s. One was the SW99 .40 cal. I held it, it was nice but I’m picky and I wanted 9mm. Above it were two SW99 OLs. The first one was again a .40 cal and the other was the 9mm. Yes, I know, .40 cal packs more punch but you know what? The recoil on the 9mm is less and when I’m shooting at an intruder, I want less recoil so I can get my shot group tight on his goblin ass. It’s my preference. I’ve heard all the debates and everyone has their opinions. Mine is I like 9mm better.
The SW99OL is a little smaller but that turned out to be a good thing. Fits even better. I looked at it, opened it, fondled it, licked it, named it and then went over to fill out my paperwork. I know why it’s necessary but something internally gets irritated about the whole thing. I don’t like it one bit. It feels wrong. Let me restate in case you missed it, I KNOW why it’s necessary. I simply said that I always get a feeling inside that tells me, “this isn’t quite what was outlined for us all those years ago.” Whatever.
I got a decent deal, not good but decent. He knocked a little off the price of the gun and waived all the fees. I’ll take what I can get. I got it for just under $500. And my timing was perfect because not two minutes after I began my paperwork and passing of cash, another person came up to buy the exact same gun I just bought. HA HA! I beat you to it. HA HA.
Now I wait five days. And I may have an issue when picking it up because my driver’s license address is my mailing address but where I live is not the same address and I may have to go BACK to the DMV and stand in line for HOURS on end to get that bitch of a mess taken care of so that the addresses match. I would do it online but I won’t have it back by the time my 5 days are up. I fucking HATE the DMV. The people in line are idiots and make a 2 minute situation take 30 minutes and the workers are disgruntled and hate everyone. I don’t blame them but damnit, you took the damn job, suck it up and deal! Rather than drive all the way to the store where I pick up my gun and have them tell me, “Your address doesn’t match this”, I’ll just fricken do it and let it be done with, once and for all. *()&^$#@!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I went and browsed around the rest of the place and you know what? Some of those people, guys, are assholes. CLEARLY I am looking, with extreme interest at something you are selling so maybe ignoring me is not the best idea. I have money to spend and you want to assume that I don’t know what I’m doing because I’m a GIRL. And I can’t tell you how many guy customers would jostle me out of the way to examine a piece they wanted that was in front of me while I was looking at something. Bitches, please, I probably shoot better than most of you and I’ve shot many guns in my life time thanks to my dad, the military and people I’ve met along the way so don’t EVEN get that attitude with me. Punks. You are not impressing me at all.
Grrrrrr.
A lot of people missed out on future sales because of their behaviors. Do not judge a book by its cover, kids. Especially if you are in the business of making money. You would be surprised at who has what knowledge on what you are selling. It’s pretty obvious who are the wanna bes and who are the ones who might know a thing or two in the couple of seconds it takes them to handle the gun. If the guy doesn’t know how to open the slide, guess what? But if the girl standing next to him does? GUESS WHAT?!
I may not know all the jargon but I know my way around a gun.
So, after being royally irritated, I walked back to the booth of the person I know and hung out a bit. This person has a dog that is part Husky and part Wolf. He is a good looking dog. I understand people being fascinated by this dog. But let me tell you something in case you didn’t already know this, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about: People are morons.
Countless times I was asked, “What kind of dog is that?”
One time I said it was a long hair chihuahua, one time I said it was a dalmation, one time I said it was a rat terrier and one time I even told the person it was a gerbil.
Only two people out of the many caught on. Most people, the exchange went like this:
Idiot: “Oh, he’s so beautiful! Can I pet him? What kind of dog is that?”
Me: “He’s a Pomeranian.”
Idiot: “Oh wow! Awww, he’s just so gorgeous.”
Dolts.
Only one adult caught it and we made fun back and forth and one kid caught it and smirked. Everyone else? Crayons.
Eventually I made my way home and I have been on the internet looking up my gun to learn as much as I can about it before I get it. A lot of stuff I knew already but I want to learn everything. By this time next week...actually, DAMNIT, Martin Luther King day is Monday so I have to wait through another weekend....sigh!!!! By Monday of next week, I should have my gun.
And even though I know I don’t have any felonies and I’m not a drug addict and I’m not illegal and all that shit, I always have this irrational fear that they are going to say no. It’s stupid. I know. But it’s like when someone declares something of theirs was stolen, say at work, and I sure as hell didn’t steal it, I always fear they are going to THINK I did. I don’t know why that is..maybe I’m just stupid sometimes but there it is. So I get all tense until I’m told, “You are clear, come get your gun.”
I didn’t buy any ammo yesterday because well, frankly, look at the paragraph I just wrote. When I go to pick up my gun, I’ll price their ammo. If it’s any good, I’ll buy there. Otherwise, I think I’ll go to cheaperthandirt.com if they are still doing that. And apparently I’ve been advised to buy another magazine so I’ll be doing that as well. It came with two so I guess I’ll have three?
OH! I forgot to tell you, the magazine release feature on this gun? I LOVE it. It’s ambidextrous and it’s right there by the trigger. I fooled around with that at the show yesterday and found that it’s actually easier to use my trigger finger than my thumb to release but holy shit!!! What brilliance! It’s right there, rapid reload! No more turning the gun and pressing buttons on the side and all that jazz. You fire, run out, use your thumb or trigger finger to release the magazine while your other hand is getting the next magazine out to load. One swift movement. Sweet.
Now I’m going to have to find a decent range. The one up the street from me sucks ass. First off, it’s always crowded by people who don’t know what they are doing. I hate waiting in line behind idiots. Second, you can only have one target. You can’t have your main target and then the smaller targets to hone your skills. You get one, giant target. Where the hell is the challenge in that?
And also? You can’t have a silhouette.
WHAT? That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
“Excuse me, goblin, would you mind holding this frisbee in front of you at midsection so I can shoot you like I practiced.”
I understand why some ranges don’t allow head shots but no silhouette?
What is wrong with these people? I don’t go to the range because I want to hear a loud bang, I go to practice and get my shot groups tight and shoot with left and right hands, at different distances and in different areas of the body and at different speeds so that IF I should ever find myself confronted by a goblin, it will be second nature. That is what training and practice are all about. Not shoot one round every 5 seconds at an orb.
God these rules are getting out of hand these days.
Anyway, so, there you go, kids. I decided to get the gun after all. As for the economy? I have complete faith that St. Hope and Change and the rest of the crooked Democrats will do a bang up job of fucking up the economy even further and that I’ll be able to buy shares at even lower prices. And, like some pointed out, should St. Hope and Change throw gun ownership under the bus, I’ll have a commodity. Although, I don’t know that I’ll want to get rid of it.
So, I get both. The gun AND I’ll have shares for my future.
Lastly, I got three new bumper stickers for my car to go right next to my Maverick/Saracudah bumper sticker that I refuse to take off as long as St. Hope and Change is in office:
1) “God grants liberty to those who love it and are always willing to defend it. ~ Daniel Webster, 1834”
2) “I don’t care HOW you did it up North.” (complete with confederate flag)
3) “Your parking reflects your breeding. You inconsiderate BASTARD!” (That one is specifically for Miami.)
I look forward to pissing off the masses while in traffic--it’s my revenge for the shitty way they drive.
