Thursday, November 02, 2006
Handle With Care
Seems a lot of people have been going through some moments in their lives lately that cause them to sit back and think about how they handle situations. Same has happened to me recently and I, too, am looking at how I handled it all and have come to the conclusion that while I certainly didn’t handle it all that bad, I could have done it better.
So I’m human and I don’t know everything. Who has it right all the time? What matters is not that we know everything and how to do everything exactly, perfectly right all the time but that we learn from the experiences that we have and become better people because of them.
Maybe I’m a little rough around the edges; I’ve never claimed I was the epitome of grace and poise but I sure as hell try. If I don’t get it right all the time, that’s ok. I do listen and I do learn.
It also helps when you actually give a damn about what someone else thinks. It practically forces you to look at yourself and see where you can do better. And that is what has been going on with me lately. I am listening, I do care about certain opinions and I am looking pretty deep inside myself so that I come out much more improved.
What I’ve noticed though is that it seems quite often far too many expect perfection out of us. This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I have been the hardest on myself than anyone else for the longest time. I grew up in a household that expected perfection, 100% of the time. That’s impossible to accomplish. But damn if I didn’t try to be the best, smartest and most perfect at everything.
After many years of doing this, I decided to start cutting myself some slack. Everybody else kept telling me that I didn’t have to be perfect, I didn’t have to be right all the time. They all understood that I am going to make mistakes and that I should take it easy on myself. So I did. I learned how to accept that I have flaws, just like everyone else and that it was okay.
The reaction I got after listening to that was disappointment that I wasn’t perfect. I was told how I didn’t do this right, that right--from the very same people who told me not to worry about being perfect. Well come on people. Would you just pick one and stick with it?
Then I realized, you know what? This is who I am. I am all those wonderful things that people like about me and I’m all those flaws that people don’t like about me. They all make up who I am, entirely. You cannot have good without the bad and you cannot expect a person to learn and grow if you don’t allow them to be imperfect.
So while I’ve been listening and while I do see how I can definitely make some changes; and I am doing them already, I will say this:
I’m a pretty damn good person. I’m decent, I’m fair, I can make you laugh, I’m patient in a lot of things---more so than a lot of people know, I’m kind, I’m intelligent and I tend to put others before myself...I have a lot of strengths that may not show on the surface. Many of my strengths reveal themselves over time.
Am I perfect? No. None of us are.
I can only be who I am. I cannot be who anyone else wants me to be. I grow and change in my own time, as my life leads me there. I cannot change simply because someone wishes I would be or act differently.
I am perfectly me. If there are people out there who can’t see my good qualities through the flaws, their choice is to either accept that and encourage me or to move on.
But can we all please stop badgering each other just because we aren’t perfect?
