Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Humbling Or Great Entertainment?
As I wrote previously, I have taken up another job where I work in a restaurant and made the joke that I wanted to keep myself humble. I have worked in restaurants before and remember some of the “good times” but it has been awhile.
Of course, the more I changed, the more the customers stayed the same.
By that I mean, even though there are still extremely rude customers, my reaction to their rudeness is a lot different than it used to be.
The first time I ever worked in a restaurant was when I was 16 years old. I don’t remember a lot except for two incidents.
The first one was when one of the waitresses sliced the tip of her finger off while cutting meat with the slicer....yeesh.
The second was the asshole who had eaten his meal, put his napkin on his plate, scooted his chair away from the table a bit, leaned back and began smoking a cigarette. Considering there were only 2 fries left on the plate, I thought that was a good indicator he was done.
So I took his plate...he said nothing.
About 10 minutes later he started bitching when it came time to pay his bill. He claimed I took his food away from him before he was finished. Oh fucking please. He was trying to get his food for free....scammer....and blamed it all on me as to why he should. I explained to my boss what the situation really was and the asshole got free fries. That was it.
Anyway, I worked in a restaurant again when I was fresh out of the military and it was pretty fun. What I did notice is that the upper middle class people were the rudest, most obnoxious and messiest of all customers.
I mean, did you not notice that you knocked your salad plate to the floor? Let me get that for you Mr. Too Good To Lean Over And Pick Up My Own Damn Mess! And the clean up of their table was a fricken nightmare. Hey, next time, why don’t you just step right on up to the trough. Or, better yet, we can just slap a feeding bag around your face since you are such pigs.
Anyway, I had forgotten that apparently, if you work in a restaurant, it means you’re stupid. Not foolish....stupid. No intelligence. Uneducated.
Just because I work in a restaurant does not mean I’m stupid Mr. Sneer and Scowl so you can take that look that’s worming its way across your face and choke on it. Next time you come in, bring two IQ tests with you...I guarantee you I’ll wipe the floor, counters, tables, doors and parking lot with you ya redneck demon. Enjoyed staring at the liver in protest you call a gut...how many beers a night you swill down to keep that fine figure? I can just imagine how you spend your mornings; straining on the toilet because you drink your life away...yet you want to snarl at me simply because I work in a restaurant. And hey, great shirt! Did you beat a homeless person for that outstanding attire?
It’s very dangerous to have such internal conversation when the person is standing right in front of you. I had to duck down and pretend I was looking for something I dropped on the floor so he wouldn’t see the smirk and stifled laughter.
Then there was a very gracious woman in there today. I had brought the meals out to her and her friend earlier and they were pretty cold to my questions and gratitude for visiting our fine establishment. About 5 minutes later, I was cleaning tables and I happened to turn around and saw her looking at me while she raised her hand in the air.
So I went over and asked her if she needed anything.
“I’m EATING it aren’t I?” she barks, waving her sandwich around, lettuce flying everywhere.
I told her I saw her raise her hand while looking at me and since that is the universal gesture for, “Hey! Waiter! Get your ass over here!”, I thought I’d come over and see if they needed anything.
“Well! Does it LOOK like I need anything?” she replies hotly.
I bit my tongue. Oh how I bit my tongue.
And I fought very hard to keep from busting out laughing right in her face.
I did manage to squeeze out a, “Fabulous. If you do need anything, do not hesitate to gesture!” and walked off...face turning red as I held in the laughter that so wanted to burst out of me.
This is going to be fun. See, when I was younger and a customer was rude, it actually hurt my feelings....hell, I was young...what did I know.
But now? Now it makes me want to laugh....hard because they are so rude and yet treat me like I’M the idiot.
Yah...you are eating it indeed lady. You certainly are.
