Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I Need A Teleprompter
If I had a brain, I’d probably write more. Unfortunately, I’m just a dumb Republican and I get confused very easily. As an example, last night I wanted to write something here but after spending four hours on words like, “the” .........
The. The. The? Eh? What? Green bean salad!!! Wait. Who am I again? I have two hands! Look! One...um, hold on. Shit. I lost count. Let me start over. One....uh...oh screw it. Math is hard!!!
Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I hurt myself jumping out of a tree? No? Dangit, neither do I. I remember saying, “Hey! Watch this!” and then I blacked out. Weren’t you there?
Uhhmmm.........what was I saying?
Oh right, I’m a moron Republican and I approve this message.
No, no...that’s not it. I’m sorry, I just get so bewildered and overwhelmed by smart people and yesterday Joe Biden spoke about us ignorant Republicans. You know, he and St. Hope and Change are not from my neighborhood because they are really, really, really, really, really, really, really smart, apparently. I’m having a terrible time handling this.
Terrible.
Terrible.
Terrible.
Terrible.
Oh, speaking of racism, I think my car is racist. Why, you ask? You tell me why my tires are black, then. Why can’t they be white? Hmm? Is a white tire less able to perform than a black tire? Oh don’t give me that crap about whitewall tires. What the hell is that? Is that some sort of affirmative action? “We’ll let a little bit of white on your tires to appease you.” You think that fills your quota? Why is the man trying to keep the white tire down? Think about it, is all I’m sayin’.
I had a point. Oh yes, the point is, St. Hope and Change and Joe Biden think that we Republicans are basically sound, (not completely though, that would be impossible), but are complete imbeciles.
“If you do not vote for me, you, sir, are a total crayon!”
Well, that’s not what they said, really, but it sure as hell was implied. You’re Decent But Just Confused And Stupid.
From St. Hope and Change:
"The one thing that I want to insist on is that, as I travel around the country, the American people are a decent people. Now they get confused sometimes. You know, they listen to the wrong talk radio shows or watch the wrong TV networks, um, but they’re, they’re basically decent, they’re basically sound."
That was last summer.
From Joe Biden:
"All this stuff about how different Barack Obama is, they’re not just used to somebody really smart. They’re just not used to somebody who’s really well educated. They just don’t know quite how to handle it. Cause if he’s as smart as Barack is he must not be from my neighborhood."
That was yesterday.
I’d continue on but I’m so fucking DUMB that I simply cannot. Please, click the link and visit a one Miss Rachel Lucas. Her post will explain everything in terms you will understand, if you are a Republican, that is. And she’s funny and makes me feel better about being a booger eatin’ moron!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to....do...something. I forget. OH! That’s right! I need to continue in my ignorance by watching Fox News, the TOTALLY wrong TV network to watch the interview with Sarah Palin, another, obvious, brain dead twit of the Republican party.
Oh Democrats...thank you for showing your asses. You could not possibly understand how happy you’ve made me.
