Saturday, March 18, 2006
I Take It Back
For the longest time I would have sworn up and down that Seattle had some of the worst drivers known to man only second to those in Portland, OR. But that is not so. The drivers in Seattle and Portland are just slow. Mind numbingly slow and they absolutely must gawk at every last thing on the side of the road. They also do not have any idea how to merge. This concept escapes them no matter how many times a day they do it.
However! They are brilliant drivers compared to the idiots in this town. As discussed in other entries, the light will turn red but six more cars will plow through the intersection. They absolutely cannot stay in their own lanes, it’s impossible for them. They are constantly changing lanes for no reason whatsoever. They can’t decide if they want to go straight or turn right and will make their decision only after slamming on their brakes in the middle of the road. They are extraordinarily impatient, (my God I thought I was impatient when it came to driving....these people make me look like the patron saint of Patience), they run into the back of people when the light turns green but the other car in front of them hasn’t moved yet, they refuse to use their turn signals and they will climb all up in the trunk of your car because they have no concept of depth perception.
But tonight, I found my winner for “Stupidest Mother Fucker on the Road” award.
Because it’s St. Patrick’s Day, this means every douche bag with a milliliter of Irish blood in them, or the wanna-be Irish, all pile in to town to drink themselves stupid. That means that tonight parking was a major bitch. I did my circle of the block and came back around to wait at a light at the intersection that would allow me turn left to start my search over again.
Allow me to describe the road I was on:
There are three lanes going one way and three lanes going another way. To the side there are two lanes coming from the beach area who will need to cross in front of us. The three lanes going my way turn in to two lanes going straight and one lane that will turn left.
Those of us who wish to turn left are sitting at the red light, waiting our turn while the other two lanes next to us whiz by on their way to being dipshits elsewhere in town. We wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. Finally the light turns green.
JUST as the light turned green and I’m getting ready to take my left, some fucking twit in a large van comes barrelling down the road from the two lanes next to us on our right, crosses over and flings himself right in front of me, slams on his brakes and then does a U-turn causing the rest of us to slam on our brakes and me to almost slam in to the left back end of his vehicle.
Who the fuck does this shit? What driver’s manual has this assclown been reading and why does he think that this manuever is OK?! There are designated areas to make a U-Turn and shoving in front of a line of cars in a left turn lane exactly as their light turns green is NOT one of them! Even if my light had still been red, it is still NOT ok to do this!
These are the kinds of people who live in this town and drive around here. Why is it not legal for me to slap the ever loving shit out of the DMV for giving these fucknozzles a license? Why is not ok for me to point my finger in a cop’s face and scream at them to just plant their asses at this intersection and watch the way these fools drive? If they did that? You would never receive another phone call asking for a donation to the Policeman’s Ball. They would have enough money to throw a week long festival on a luxury cruise line every year. They would make so much money, this town would never need to raise its taxes for anything because all the schools, roads, construction, grants, etc would be paid for if they would just sit on this street and ticket every fucking tool who got in to a car. They would have to hire more policemen just for that purpose. Employment would be up, wages would be higher, taxes would be lower, the roads would be as smooth as a baby’s butt and they would eventually be safer.
I go 5 over the speed limit and I got some cop on my ass demanding I pull over. But these crayons pull all this shit and there isn’t a cop to be found. It’s times like these I’m ALL for those cameras on public streets. Get a video of what some of these pricks do and take a nice close up snapshot of that license plate.
It’s offical. Of all the places I’ve lived...this city has the worst God Awful drivers I have EVER witnessed. Yes, even worse than L.A. The next time some fag honks at me, I may just go ballistic. Honk at me when I pull some stupid ass shit like these people, NOT when I’m just trying to park in front of my home with ample warning.
These people can’t figure out how to vote and they can’t fucking drive. God bless them, the fucking idiots.
