Monday, March 01, 2004
I'm Broken
Sigh.
I try so hard.
Every single time I try to get ahead, something inevitably happens to put a stop to that.
Yesterday it rained pretty hard all day. That night, after it had stopped, I decided to let the cat outside as she had been stuck inside all day. Mistake. I opened the door to trouble.
I stepped outside, turned to close the door behind me and promptly slipped on the wet cobble and fell to the ground. I felt something snap on the way down. I laid on all fours for a moment willing the blinding, searing pain to not overtake me and trying to coax my cat over to me.
I knew I could not walk.
I crawled on all fours back into the house, through the dining room, living room, down the hallway and banged on my brother’s door, all the while fighting off the waves of nausea.
My brother collected the cat and took me to the E/R where I lay on the cold floor for 2 1/2 hours. I had to lie down or I would have either got sick or passed out.
Finally I go to x-ray. I get back to the room and am given the wonderful news that broke me.
I broke my ankle in 3 different places, possibly more and not only do I get a splint, no work until a doctor clears me, (so, who knows!), I get to go to an orthopedic doctor and I’ll probably have to have pins put in.
I could not help myself, I just crashed, gave in, lost hope, and just cried.
Sigh.
No work=no income.
I was at my job just two weeks under 60 days.....when my insurance would have started.
No insurance=I pay for all of this out of my own pocket. That means, pretty much everything I’ve earned to this date?
Gone.
When I called my employer to inform them that I would not be in for awhile, doctor’s orders, I was told I have three weeks. This is definitely going to take more than three weeks to heal.
I try so damn hard and something always happens. Everything I’ve done up to this point is for nothing.
I don’t know what else to do. I’m at my wit’s end.
I’m supposed to stay in bed and not move around much at all so you won’t be seeing any new entries for a few days or more. Which is just as well because I have lost my motivation to try and staying in bed right now is about the only thing I know how to do at this time.
I’m so tired. My soul...my very essence is exhausted.
