Thursday, September 23, 2010
I'm Your Prey But Your Predator Is On My Side
I walked in to the bedroom to peel the wet clothes off of me from a day working in the rain. As I tossed my work shirt to the floor, I glanced down and saw a leg. It was a broken leg, brown, with hairs protruding off of it, lying there, next to my bed, waiting to be stepped on.
This could only mean one thing.
I called Casper, my fluffy, black cat over and inquired where this leg came from. He sniffed at it and then raced off in to another room of the house. I decided that I was not going to touch this leg until I found out where the rest of the body was located.
About an hour later, I got up to clean the litter boxes and noticed Casper causing all kinds of mayhem with the electrical wires that dangle behind the covered litter box next to the wall. He was trying to catch something and these wires were minor obstacles that needed to be pushed aside.
Not knowing what was down there, I jumped up on the bed and stared down, coaxing Casper along. “Get it, Casper. Get it! Does it have 8 legs? If it does, KILL IT! KILL IT AND EAT IT! OBLITERATE IT, Casper!”
I watched and waited but Casper could not find his intended prey and he once again raced off towards another room leaving me anxious knowing that something was in my house and that I would not be sleeping tonight until I knew what and where it was.
I decided to go outside to cool off a little bit in the evening breeze laced with mist from earlier rain storms. After about 10 minutes, I came back in. I turned on the main light in the living room and started to walk towards my table to open the laptop.
That’s when I saw it. It.
There, in the middle of the carpet was an inch in length, hideous, brown, legless body with black, beady, dead eyeballs staring up at me.
My stomach did a flip.
As I stood there in horror, I noticed another leg about two inches from the body, again broken, and again with hair protruding from it. Another leg, one inch from the first and another, a few inches behind where I stood. All brown, broken and disgusting.
My stomach started to lurch. I started to heave. I knew I had just a few moments to rectify the situation or I would spend the rest of the night poised over the porcelain bowl, losing my dinner and my mind.
I grabbed the small broom and dustpan and hurriedly but ever so carefully, flicked the body in to the dustpan. I repeated the process with the legs and raced to the bathroom, holding the dustpan as far away from me as possible without endangering the contents. I had only a few seconds left and a spill of body parts would be a disaster.
I flung the toilet seat cover up, it smashed against the wall as I tipped the dustpan over, dropping the mangled arachnid in to the bowl.
I started to retch. Hurry, HURRY!
I flushed and slammed the lid back down and turned towards the sink. This would not be fun to clean up later but there is no way I’m losing my dinner in spider water because if any of it back splashes on to me, I will crack, I thought to myself.
The water gurgled down in to the nether world, I counted to twenty five while hovered over the sink and everything started to calm down. My goosebumps were starting to deflate and I was able to convince myself to go pick up that last leg lying next to my bed.
I steeled myself, flicked it in to the dustpan, flung it in the toilet, flushed it down, scrubbed my hands raw but clean, sat down and lit up a cigarette.
I have earned my sleep tonight. Casper has earned himself a permanent place in my heart and home no matter how bad he may decide to behave for saving my life, yet again, tonight.
