Monday, December 27, 2010
Introductions
Since it seems that all I do is work and come home and nothing more, these days, and since it takes every ounce of my will power not to beat the crap out of one of these lame ass pieces of shit, I thought I’d take the time to introduce you to some of my more “favorite” co-workers who make my life a living joy, day after day.
I got a new tablet for Christmas so while I have a lot of practicing to do, I am going to give you rough sketches of the type I deal with every day. As I get better at this, (and actually sit at a table, not draw while sitting on my bed), I’ll start drawing more cartoons instead of trying to describe the stupidity I encounter all the time. But, that will take some time as I have never had a tablet before and it takes some getting used to with drawing. It’s almost like pen and paper but...no, it isn’t.
Without further ado, here is a sampling of the cast of characters:
This is the angriest, laziest, most bitter filled male life form I have ever met. He absolutely hates women and he sits on the ass kissing perch all day long, sucking up to the boss. He doesn’t do any actual work, he just pretends to do work and then sits behind the boss telling him that no one does anything around here but him. I wish he would fucking die.
This is his wife, Bitch. You’ve heard about her on here, before. She and her angry, bitter POS husband suck up daily, manipulate and do everything in their power to make everyone else look bad. Every single thing they say, every single thing they do...and I mean, EVERY thing, has an ulterior motive. They never do anything out of kindness or compassion and they never say anything without a message behind it. They are sick, twisted people. Bitch did it to her so called “best friend” again, on Christmas. She told the boss that Bride was high at work. No, she wasn’t. Boss believed Bitch and Bride was sent home, without pay. Next day, Bride came in, took me by my arm and said, very earnestly while staring at me hard, “I hate these people.” Yah, Bride, I know. They are total shit. Finally others are starting to see what I’ve been seeing for a couple of years now. FINally.
From left to right: Boss, RB, Manager. They act like they have a clue but I don’t think any of them actually do. The only one who really knows what the hell is going on around here, as far as people and relations, is the manager. The Boss and RB might think they know but they don’t have a fucking clue. They get one side of the story...the side that the former two, Bitch and her husband, make up. As far as how to run a business....well....sure, it brings in money but there is serious lack of quality customer service...let’s put it that way. And no one cares. When no one cares, things get worse. No one cares about the customers, no one cares about the employees, no one cares about each other. And the boss wonders why the hell there are problems. Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I know!
The Three Stooges. These guys smoke pot all day, every day. They smoke before work, during work and after work. The one on the left is nice but he can never pay his bills because he spends all of his money on pot. The one in the middle...he’s married but he’s hardly ever home. He chooses, instead, to hang out with Bitch and her husband, smoking pot and drinking, after work. Also, he’s fat as hell but he talks shit about fat chick customers who come in, every day. Guess he doesn’t have a mirror at home. Oh and he is notorious for his stench. Every one talks about how much he stinks. Even the boss. The one on the right is also ok...but he’s...uh...not too bright. Anyway, these words have come out of these guys’ mouths. Several times. Kids, this is why you don’t do drugs.
Kids, this is why you stay in school and study hard. Actually, this guy isn’t too bad. He’s also not the brightest but he’s not a complete fucktard, either. He’s had an epiphany, lately and he’s realized that he’s sick and tired of the stupidity around work. He has little dogs, (hence the pooch in the pic), and he is really in to photography. For an amateur, he’s actually quite good. He can have some serious mood swings and just talking about something that happened in the past can get him all riled up once again. I’ve long thought he could have been an actor because when he’s telling a story, he FEELS it. Some days he’s fun as hell to hang around and some days...JEEZUS, go smoke a fucking joint, man. Calm the hell down.
Alright, we are now moving on to our version of your typical co-worker. Every place has one of the following:
The Self Absorbed Moron
The Self Centered Asshole (Not to be confused with the Self Absorbed Moron. The SAM is indeed full of himself but he’s not quite the asshole and he is completely fucking stupid. He’s so stupid, in fact, that he doesn’t have a clue when anyone is mocking him. The SCA is angry, loud, obnoxious and rude and he can be the newest guy there but will act like he created the place from the ground. He comes in and changes everything and doesn’t care who it affects as long as he gets his.)
The Martyr.
Life is so unfair. It’s all just unfair. Don’t you understand how hard he has worked? Don’t you realize the sacrifices? The time he has put in....all 10 extra minutes a day over anyone else! TEN WHOLE MINUTES MORE! You ungrateful bastards never recognize him for it! He’s pissed when he gets a boat, he’s pissed when he doesn’t get a boat. He’s pissed when he has to work, he’s pissed when he’s off work. He never has any money although he works every single day of this life forever and ever and ever and ever....but doesn’t have a fucking dime. Oh how he gives. It’s his work ethic, see, to work, SO. HARD. every. single. day. for all eternity. NOBODY works as hard as he does. Just ask him, he’ll tell you. He has a strong, strong work ethic...that includes whining, pissing, moaning and crying about his strong work ethic and his martyrdom. And if he gets a boat with people who don’t tip...it was...A CONSPIRACY! He was sent those particular people ON purpose! As a joke! Everyone is back on the dock laughing hysterically at him! Because we are all assholes and have no compassion for just how so very fucking hard he works, day after day, after day. (One time, it was about 8 in the morning. I, stupidly, said “good morning” to the martyr. The response I received? “Pscht. Today has really sucked!” Um...it hasn’t even started yet?)
Anyway, that’s it for now, kids. Why am I bothering with stick figures of my co-workers? Why am I talking about shit that is so fucking juvenile and stupid?
A) Because I work with these fucking twats every day and while I’m working my way towards my goal, I wonder how the hell am I going to make it yet another day. I truly, truly do. In the past, when I was younger, I would just quit. “Fuck this! There’s other jobs.” But now is not the time to be looking for another job. I have a goal. I can get to that goal by working here. It will take some time. I will have to endure this fucking horseshit while I work towards that goal and I HAVE GOT TO FUCKING RELEASE because these people truly disgust me.
B) Ain’t a damn soul hardly reading here anymore, anyway. So who gives a shit what I do or say here.
I find the drawing to be very therapeutic and even though I’m not good at it now, I’ll get better and I’m going to draw cartoons for myself so that when I do get to my goal; when I’m there, settled in, comfortable, happy, relaxed and at peace, having a nice, relaxing evening away from FUCKING MORONS, I’m going to look back at this time and see how far I came. I’m going to see how hard it was, what I had to endure to get there....so that I will never, ever take my hard work, my success, my reward for granted.
Till next time, kids.
