Friday, August 20, 2010
It Is To Laugh
How I love it when drug addict alcoholics think they are smarter than me. One of the things I’ve learned about dogs is that you need consistency, consistency, consistency and if you change the routine even ONCE, you have to start all over.
I learned this one the extremely hard way with Pandora, she who was also consistent in just waiting for an opportunity to take over the alpha role. So I do know when something has changed in the routine.
These puppies are pretty damn smart, (as most labs are), and they pick up instruction and training rather quickly. They know, when we go outside, the very first thing they do is go to the bathroom. They do that and THEN they get to play, NOT the other way around.
I came home after work tonight to walk the little hoodlums and suddenly, everything was off. Not only would they not go in their designated spots, they wouldn’t go at all. It was like they feared their usual spots. And I started to wonder exactly what happened today to change everything, while I was at work.
If you’ve been reading along, you will know that I have a neighbor kid helping me out during the day while I’m at work until he goes back to school next week. I told him my rules for the dogs, “They go to the bathroom first, then they get to play”. He nodded his head in agreement. I showed him where the boy dogs likes to pee and where he likes to go for further business. I showed him where the girl dog likes to pee and where she likes to go for further business meetings.
But today, they wouldn’t go in their spots. Today, it took forever to get them to even go at all. And that is getting on my nerves.
I have concluded that one of two things has happened today.
1) Neighbor kid flat out disregarded the rules for the dogs and now we have to start all over.
2) Another neighbor, who also has dogs and completely scoffs when I tell him, “No, my dogs cannot come over and meet your dogs right now, they are in training and they have to go to the bathroom first”, saw neighbor kid walking the dogs today and despite what I have told him, went right up to neighbor kid with his dogs to meet and play with my dogs.
I’m leaning towards number 2 because neighbor kid is pretty good about following direction and all has been working well up to this point. I have, however, had issues with other neighbor with dogs basically letting me know he thinks my rules are bullshit. For example, yesterday morning I took the dogs out before work. As they were getting ready to do their first order of business, (in a grassy area next to my house), Other Neighbor came out with his dogs. He saw the puppies and started getting his dogs all hyped up about coming over to the puppies to play.
I firmly told him, “No.” He stated that his dogs were not going to hurt my puppies. I KNOW that, asshole! I said, “That is not why I’m holding them close. I’m holding them close and not allowing them to meet and play because they are in training and must use the bathroom FIRST. When they have completed that task, they can then play.”
He scoffed and scowled and waved his hand completely dismissing what I just said and continued to bring his dogs closer to my puppies. Of course now my puppies have completely forgotten why they were out there in the first place and were jumping in place trying to get to the big dogs. I said again, “NO! AGAIN, I said, they are NOT to play until they go to the bathroom. There is nothing further to discuss. And I don’t frankly care if you like that rule or not. YOU are not the one walking my dogs at 2am and 4am being eaten alive by mosquitoes.”
He huffed and puffed about that and said some bullshit under his breath and pulled his dogs away.
Once they were out of sight, my dogs finally calmed down and went to the bathroom. Der.
So, I’m thinking that at some point, neighbor kid came over, was walking the dogs and Other Neighbor came out with his dogs and basically said, “Fuck you” to my rules and allowed the dogs to play before they went to the bathroom. And neighbor kid isn’t going to say shit because he’s a kid and this is an adult and I’m guessing he doesn’t completely get it what I mean by ‘no playing’.
I’m almost positive that is what happened today because it’s like night and day in the dog’s behavior.
Therefore, I have no other recourse but to walk the dogs myself and use training pads in the house during the day. First of all, I’m not putting neighbor kid in the middle of this because he’s only 11 or 12 years old. No way. Second of all, I want to confront that mother fucker Other Neighbor and tell him a fucking thing or two if I find out that is what happened. And, unfortunately, until these assholes can fucking respect my SIMPLE FUCKING REQUESTS with my dogs, neighbor kid isn’t going to walk them anymore, not even on the weekends when he’s out of school and I’m working.
I hate to take that fun away from him...he really does enjoy walking them...but I’m also not putting him in the middle of an adult disagreement.
And now I have to FUCKING START ALL OVER with training these dogs when going outside and I have to tell you, that really fucking chaps my hide like you wouldn’t believe. We had made so much progress to have one person fuck it all the fuck up in one day.
There is a possibility it was fault of neighbor kid. I doubt it but there is a chance. And if that is the case, then I guess his dog walking days are over, at least where my dogs are concerned.
So many of my neighbors are complete losers, complete drug addicts, complete alcoholics, completely fucking STUPID and they want to give me assvice like they know better than I do. Yah, right, I’m going to listen to you assholes.
One neighbor never takes his dog to the vet. He wonders why I don’t bring my puppies around his dog that much. Oh, I don’t know, it may have something to do with you asking me to help you find the ticks on your dog, once. I don’t need my dogs getting ticks because YOU can’t properly care for your animal.
He of the Shitty Underpants keeps his dog inside a cage in the house ALL. DAY. LONG. The ONLY time that dog is out of the cage is when they take the dog out to use the bathroom and that is about 5 minutes, twice a day. And they are always yelling at the poor thing the entire walk. I’m sure as fuck not listening to that assface.
Another neighbor has two doxies that are, for the most part, behaved and he walks them off leash. The only problem is, you will hear, every single day, and I mean, every. single. day. him yelling for his dogs to follow him to come home. You can set your watch by it because he gets home and walks the dogs for about 20 minutes and then you’ll start to hear, “Nathan! Nathan! NATHAN! NATHAN! Nathan, come here gottdamnit! Nathan! Nathan! NATHAN! Gottdamn dog...get over here...damnit Nathan!” (This is verbatim. I hear it every day and I also know that when I hear this, it’s about 5:30pm.)
And finally, another neighbor has three dogs and the dogs are very friendly and playful. But they do not listen to their owner at all. They run out in to the street, they run in other people’s yards, they are out of control. They’re happy...but they’re going to get themselves hurt one day because they come back when THEY want to come back.
Then of course, as I’ve said, co-workers like to tell me how to “get a dog to respect you” and, as I pointed out in an earlier post, like to pantomime hitting the dog. They then say that some dogs cannot be trained.
No, twat, some HUMANS cannot be trained.
So, I will take over this business of walking them myself. I ordered a thing for them to use in the house when I’m not home...we’ll see if it works well. I have hope. They have used the little pad in the house a couple of times, in the same spot so I’m sure that I can get them to use this thing that’s coming. And that will make things less anxious for everyone and I won’t have to deal with assholes disrespecting my wishes no matter WHO is walking my dogs.
And, in about....well, probably less than a year, my dogs will emerge and they will see that my dogs listen to ME, not them, not traffic, not squirrels, not anything else...ME. They will go when I tell them to go, they will come when I tell them to come, they will sit when I tell them to sit and they will perform all sorts of ridiculous tricks.
I long for that day simply because it makes both me and the dogs feel good about things in regard to our lives together but also to show these fucking pieces of shit, THIS is how you train a dog, you fuckwits.
Having said that, I’ll take a moment to make a prediction: When they see this, they’ll say it’s because labs are smart and completely disregard all the work I put in to it..you know, as if the puppies were BORN acting this way. Because these assholes cannot STAND to be shown they’re wrong. Especially by a girl.
I really should start playing the lottery. I really should.
