I am constantly amazed at the things you can find on the internet. I’m even more amazed at where I find the links to certain things on the internet. Today I was browsing through VoxDay‘s blog and found a post he wrote on June 5th titled, “Freud Didn’t Know The Half Of It”.
The topic? A site that claims to teach women how to pee standing up. VoxDay insists this is a parody, nonetheless, I grew curious because seriously, I have been in enough situations, (ie: the ARMY!), where I really wish this had been an option for me.
If you are easily offended, do not click the extended link. If you have ANY sense of humor, read on.
So I clicked the link: Restrooms Of The Future and read with skepticism.
I have heard about devices on the market for women so that they don’t have to get out of the car, find a tree or rock big enough to hide them from traffic, squat down, make sure none of the clothing or shoes are in the firing range and complete their business. At these times, you hope to G-D no animal or insect decides to make its appearance....or another human. Regardless, I never really looked into the devices because I thought just having one would be humiliation enough. Truthfully, I’d rather get caught with my pants down, realizing I’m actually....erm....watering someone’s front lawn than I would carrying a device around and having it fall out of my bag at the most inappropriate time.
But still. To stand up to pee? That would be fantastic!
So I read further. I read the instructions. Hmmm. Not precisely my cup of tea but again, sometimes you are in situations where having this knowledge will come in very handy and you can always wash your hands...which you should all be doing anyway.
Ok. Does this really work? This just doesn’t seem possible. Welp, in the name of science, I guess I’d better experiment.
Yes.
Yes I did.
I figured the worst that could happen is that I’d soil my hands and clothes and since I’m at home in my own bathroom with a shower and sink nearby and just down the hall is the washing machine....oh, and the fact that no one is home so no explanations need be given should I make a mess all over my clothes and the floor or where ever the hell the...eh....stream landed...I figured, “perfect time”.
Without getting too graphic....I positioned myself and let loose.
I then proceeded to laugh the hardest I have ever laughed in my entire life.
It fucking works! I am not kidding, it totally fricken works!
Now if I ever find myself in a position, say, I’m out camping and too terrified to “go find a place to pee”, I can just go right outside the tent, standing up!
Or if I am on a road trip and all that is around for miles and miles is flat, barren land...I have a new alternative!
Hell, if I really want to get a conversation going, I can waltz into the men’s room when out at the nightclubs because the women’s room is ALWAYS packed and they take forever, and use one of the urinals along the wall. I know, don’t look around, keep your eyes on your business but tell me that wouldn’t be one hell of an ice breaker.
No, it’s not something I anticipate using very often but knowledge is power and I will no longer suffer the torture of a full bladder and no place to go.
Life is good.
[update] I’m an equal opportunity type blogger so I am going to include the following find for the guys out there: I had completely forgotten about an article written by Velociman back in September but Beagle Express remembers. Per Beagle Express:
Velociman thinks men should Sit To Pee.
And
Serenity thinks women should Stand To Pee.
What a mixed up world we have got going here.
Crack me up.
<--- Here Endeth The Lesson
