Sunday, April 02, 2006
My Mind Is My Worst Enemy
At long last I have moved. I have a solid roof over my head, no more threats of it crashing down on me after another rain fall or at any old time, actually. The windows are solid and close all the way. The floors are nice and laid correctly. The tub is sparkling white and I did not have to paint it to be able to stand to get in it. I no longer have a/c window units installed under windows that do not close all the way or have holes in the frame. In fact, I have central a/c and frankly? I’m freezing my ass off! I am actually going to have to keep the temp higher. No more incessant horn blaring all day, every day, for eternity, never shutting up ever, I will slay the next person who lays on their horn I swear, no more horrendously loud thumping bass to listen to as the car sits at the stop light just outside the building. In fact, I close my door? I hear NOTHING!
Several neighbors have introduced themselves to me and one couple has already invited me to come over for wine when I’m settled. Not a wine drinker but I think the invite is cool. What I got at my old place were people banging on walls and spitting in stairwells after they threw their garbage on the back sidewalk of the building.
The grass is not only green, there’s actually grass here. No more slots of dirt and small tufts of grass choking for survival. No more drunk bastards shooting weapons at people they have arguments with. No more punk ass drug addict who sits on the steps all day long, talking smack. No more laundry mat visits and no more water temperature issues every time someone 4 apartments over flushes their toilet.
This place rules.
However.
(There is always a “however” because nothing can just be easy for fuck’s sake.)
My clutch has decided to give me serious problems. This is a problem because I don’t have any money left; I just put everything I had down on this place. Two days later? Clutch decides to start acting like a bitch. Because Murphy is real prick.
I predicted that I would eventually have clutch problems because that and the brakes are about the only things not brand new inside this car but it would have been nice if it could have waited just one more month. So I’ve been scouring the internet looking for answers and while I know it’s not the entire clutch that needs replacing, (Thank GOD!), it could still cost a pretty penny. (Of COURSE!)
Now why is my mind my own worst enemy?
Because this is what my mind says:
“While you do have a chance that something is just clogged in the line leading to the clutch fluid (brake fluid) reservoir or that it could just be a cable or plate, it could also be flywheel or master or slave cylinder or something that requires them to remove the fricken transmission to fix and that means $80 an hour in labor times however long they wish to dick around fixing it, bleeding you dry of funds you do not have which means that you may not actually get to have this fixed for another month. The problem with that is you either a) take a chance and drive it to the dealer, hope for the best, may be met with worst news, have to drive it back because you can’t afford the $25 a day baby sitting fee until you do have the funds and have to bum rides from people at work to get to work and eventually have management come talk to you because they have fired other people for having car problems and you have had three instances now in less than a year working there and maybe you just aren’t as valuable as you once thought and it could happen to you and then what the fuck are you going to do because you just signed a lease on a unit that you need this job to afford and most jobs in this damn town don’t pay shit and you won’t be able to pay rent and then you will have breechd your contract and be totally up shit creek with no paddle in site because Murphy fucking ate it or b) keep driving it until you fuck up absolutely everything else that is even remotely associated with the clutch and gears causing you to lose more money and the first scenario to eventually happen anyway.”
I want? To vomit.
So, as per usual, just when I’m getting everything set to be right, some fucking thing else pipes in and says, “Not so fast!” And, as usual, the timing always sucks total shit.
I really like my car and I really like where I live and I happen to like the fact that I have the job I have because it affords me simple luxuries like moving out of the ghetto and into normal people’s type homes and I really like it when they all work at the same time. I would like to keep them all functioning but my mind won’t stop coming up with worst case scenario. You see what reading a lot does for you? Let that be a lesson to you all.
Now I’m going back to enjoy my non ghetto home while I still have it.
update
Welp. As I was unable to find a lift to work I decided my only other choice was to chance it with mine. I got exactly three blocks before my clutch said, “You know what? Piss off. I’m spent.”
I hobbled the car in to the nearest service place and I get to be the proud owner of a new master clutch and slave cylinder. Something I figured I would have to get after all my research yesterday. Parts aren’t so bad....labor blows. I can’t pay for this until Friday and I can’t get in to work today because apparently if you have a debit/credit card, the car rental people hold $250 on your card. Well, hello! I just used every last dime to move! So no car rental, no ride, car in shop....I’m missing work. For car problems. Something others have been fired for. Feeling a little anxious right now. Hopefully some one at work will call me back and offer to car pool with me till Friday.
I wish it was just a spongy pedal. At least it didn’t give up on me a couple miles down the road because then I would have had to pay towing fees so there’s that anyway.
