Monday, April 05, 2004
On Display
Over the years I’ve had many, many friends that have come and gone. My sister tells me how jealous she is of me and my ability to make friends so easily. Making friends is the easy part. Keeping friends is the harder part and I do not have the ability to keep friends.
The biggest reason for that is because I’m very, very particular about my friends’ behaviors and attitudes towards me. To me, friendship is relatively easy but there are times when its going to be hard. And the reason I have not been able to keep the friends is because they have successfully let me know that I am not a true friend to them. Again, my higher standards apparently.
For example: Several times in my life a friend and I will make plans to do something one day, say a week from planning. We get really excited about it and are looking forward to it. However, when the day rolls around, I, for some reason, just really do not feel like going. I would love to be able to call up and say, “Yah, sorry, not going to be able to do this” and release myself from the situation. And there are TONS of people who would tell me not to go if I don’t really want to.
But that isn’t the right answer. That is not the right answer, at all.
Baldilocks has the right answer
Here�s one of the manifestations of love: doing something that you don�t want to do, that you don�t feel like doing, toward the happiness/well-being of the person you love.
People make excuses that one shouldn’t go if one is going to be miserable, have a bad time. No. Incorrect. You made an obligation with your friend and you need to muster up a fucking smile and go with your friend as planned and simply enjoy the friendship. You don’t make excuses and bow out if you are a true friend. You don’t go and act like a miserable ass the entire time because you didn’t really want to be there that day. If you give a shit about how your friend feels, your friend will never know that you would really rather just sit at home, or sleep, or go out with another friend who called later and had something that seemed more interesting to do. You fulfill your obligation to your friend because that is what friends do.
And I know some out there are thinking, “Well, your friend, if a true friend, would understand and not get upset with you if you wanted to cancel the plans.”
You are absolutely correct. But it does not mean that you get to think of yourself first and make your friend feel like shit. Like I said, if you are a TRUE friend, your friend will never know that you don’t really feel like getting out of bed that day.
Countless times I was invited to go out for the night and when the time came to go, I was really, really tired and really, really just did not want to go. But I went anyway because my friend wanted to go, I said I would and plans have been made. To me, it is not only extremely selfish but is also horribly rude to call up your friend and tell them, “I can’t make it because...” pour out some excuse....very rarely but sometimes people actually tell the truth...and leave your friend hanging.
The reason I don’t keep friends very long is because a lot of them don’t understand this concept. But let me put it to you another way:
When someone does that to me, it tells me I’m not important enough to them to make the effort.
(Before people start commenting: I’m not talking about emergency situations. Yes. I understand, sometimes things come up. Be careful with your excuses.)
