Monday, April 26, 2004
Other People's Opinions Of Me...
...are none of my business.
Sometimes, though, people let me know their opinions and sometimes I can’t believe how much people expect of me. It’s not just the big things, it’s even the littlest thing you can think of.
Sometimes people expect the impossible from me. Sometimes they expect me to be something I’m not and part of my troubles from the last decade were because I pushed myself to be that, do that, go there by not just meeting, exceeding their expectations.
Sometimes they expect me to do things I simply cannot do because it’s either physically impossible for me to do or it’s something I’m not mentally prepared to do.
How can so many expect me to just end up at the goal line without taking the steps required to get there? It’s very rare that anyone can just get up and immediately score a touchdown. Why do so many expect that of me?
Sometimes I have people telling me to do this and I have another set who tell me to do the opposite.
Sometimes it makes me want to scream. I want to find an open field and run, as fast as I can and scream at the top of my lungs, “Stop it! Shut up! Leave me the fuck alone!” Their demands are exhausting. I’m so damn tired.
A nudge from a friend is one thing. To expect me to perform miracles every other day is too much. Some things take time and require patience. It’s funny that people tell me I’m impatient when I recognize that there are times when one has to sit back and wait. Patiently. Yet they are impatient for me to reach the “prize”.
And one day....I’ll stop trying to appease them and allow myself to be me. Someday I’ll be able to say, “This is who I am. Take it or leave it.”
I can’t wait for that day.
