Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Paint Past The Irritation
While I do love my job, some of the people that come in can be exhausting to deal with. It’s true that there are people out there who can make the easiest job or situation a nightmare just because of their personality or attitudes. I do believe, however, I’ve found the perfect solution to all of this. But first, an example of the types of people we deal with each. And. Every. Day.
On Sunday, my last boat of the day, I called all down to the dock to load up. The first two families didn’t have a problem with this but the last one, a rather large one, had major issues. First they wanted to argue about which boat to take. It does not make a difference. You will see the same things no matter which boat you are in and they all basically look the same. What is the deal? I advised them that if they were so set on taking another boat that they thought they were going to be in, they were welcome to do so. In the meantime, this boat was leaving right now. That boat was leaving in about 40 minutes. Pick one.
They hmmed and hawed and carried on deep discussions over this. I told them they had 20 seconds to decide. They finally decided my boat was good enough. (Idiots, it’s the fastest one out there.) THEN we had to play musical chairs because they got in, they got out, they sat here, no they wanted to sit there, wait, Grandma is sitting there, I want to sit here…on and on it went for about 5 minutes.
THEN! Because they are idiots, they allowed their small, tiny children, the ones who wear life jackets, to be seated on the sides. I have a rule in my boat. No one under the age of 12 gets to sit on the side. The reason for that is because little kids have a tendency to stick their hands in the water, splash around and someone could lose fingers. Or they lean way too far over and if they do that, especially when going fast, they could fall out. And, I don’t have kids for a reason and I do not wish to babysit these children. That is the job of the parents. I am the captain, not the nanny. Mmmmkay!??? So another 5 minutes elapsed because when I first instructed them of this rule, no one budged. It’s as if they thought that if they just refused to adhere to my policy, I would give in.
HAHAHAHA! They do not know me at all. Long story short, I got my way. You see, that boat does not move until I get them situated how I want them situated. Plain and simple. If these people can’t think about their own safety, I’ll do it for them.
After that entire mess and the fact that the big family blabbed the entire tour so that the other two families could hear nothing of the tour, I was tipped one whole dollar by the big family. I looked at it, looked at the lady and said, “No. If you think I’m only worth $1, I’d rather you just keep it.” Yes, dollars add up but that was insulting and I was not going to tolerate that smack in the face.
I was discussing this incident with my co-workers and talking about how I need some range time in a big way when one said, “We need to get you some paintball guns. That way after work you can fire them off in your backyard…BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!”
I started thinking about that. Hmmm. Paintball. That’s something I’ve never tried but I’ve always wanted to and I can indeed shoot them off in my backyard. I can set up “tourist” looking targets.
Today I found just the store I need. This paintball store has everything I need from the guns to paintball gun parts, paintball equipment, paintball gear (gotta look the part for the full effect ya know), the paintballs themselves, of course, to milsim paintball, (Military simulation paintball) stuff…I mean, paintball grenades and mines?
Haha. HAHA! Ahahahahaha! MUhahahahahahahhahhahahahahaaa!
I can get off of work, come home, get in to my little paintball clothing; dark goggles, mask, whatever, go back out, set up my “idiot, irritating tourist” targets, get my paintball gun, load it up, check down the scope, toss a grenade or two in to the mess of them and then fire off while enunciating at the top of my lungs with each shot:
“Get. In. The. Boat. You. Idiot! Stop. Asking. When. The. Next. Boat. Leaves. They. Told. You. At. The. Counter. Do. Your. Math! No! You. Can. NOT. Drive. The. Boat. No. You. Are. Not. Funny. I’ll. Provide. The. Humor. Here. No. You. Can. NOT. Pet. The. Alligator. You. Moron! Yes. The. Water. Is. $2.50. No. I. Do. Not. Feel. Bad. About. That. Stop. Scowling. At. Me. I. Did. Not. Force. You. To. Buy. It. Personal. Choice. And. Responsibility (rapid fire sequence here). Ma’am! I. Can’t. Tell. You. How. To. Get. Here. If. You. Don’t. Tell. Me. Where. You. Are. Now.
And so on.
I think my co-worker has a good idea and I think I’m going to go paintball gun shopping. And then when I get really good at this? It’s time for the paintball arena. I’d like to take a shot, (get it?) at some live, moving targets for a change.
