Sunday, April 10, 2005

Paradise Is Noisy

One of the things I forgot to consider while looking around for apartments so close to the beach is the dumb ass sorority bitches who get drunk and then scream all night long.  I’ve been listening to one such twit scream, “Whoooooo!  Wahooo!” for about an hour now.  Allow me to translate:  What that means is, “Like, Oh my G-d!  Like I’m so fucking drunk!  Like, I have no brain!  Like I’ll sleep with any guy right now!  Whoooooooo!  I’m such a whore!”

So during the day I have all the idiots blaring their, “I’m an impatient asshole” horns and at night time on the weekends I get to listen to drunk college sluts.  Don’t get me wrong.  Despite all of this, it’s still paradise and I love it here.  The guys who honk their horns are just letting me know in advance that they are totally fucking stupid and rude and I get the pleasure in knowing that drunk bitch will be feeling it tomorrow morning.  I hope she has the worst, G-dawful hangover of her life.  I hope she pukes all day long.  I hope she gets it in her hair.  I hope she has that taste in her mouth that makes one wonder if the cat pissed on their tongue.  I hope she has a splitting headache tomorrow.  I hope she oversleeps her check out time and has to pay for another day at her hotel.  I hope she loses her voice for a day.  I’ve lived near a college campus before so I know these hopes are possible and bloody likely. 

And tomorrow while she’s suffering and the guys are blasting their, “Hey world!  Look at me!  I’m a dick and thought you should know” horns, I’ll be down at the ocean, enjoying my little slice of heaven.  They can take away my peace and quiet while I’m home but they can never take away my beautiful ocean.

You see, it’s the little things that make me smile.