Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Paying For Pain
Welp, I’ve gone and done it. I’ve gone and done such a yuppie thing and I don’t actually feel any shame about it. I’ve gone and joined a gym. There are several reasons I did such a thing and the main reason for joining a gym in Texas is because even though I stated the suffering was actually worse in Seattle during the summer than here, at least in Seattle you can go out running or mountain climbing, biking, not to mention the billions of water sports you can partake in.
Here? Hell no. I do concede that it is far too hot and muggy in Texas to do any sorts of working out or cardiovascular type activity outside. There is swimming in a pool of course but most people do not have 25m pools in their yards and there doesn’t appear to be a lot of water around these parts. Which totally sucks and frankly I’m jonesing hard for some water...more than a canal or bayou or whatever it is they actually have the nerve to call rivers around here and I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic and feeling landlocked. But that’s another story for another time.
So, I’ve been here just over a month and let me tell ya something. If there are people out there who need to gain weight, you just need some of the Mrs’ cooking. That lady can make some of the most fantastic meals and I have gained at the very least, 20 pounds since I’ve been here. Insane.
But that’s not the only reason I decided to join a gym. I also have become extraordinarily lazy since a car accident in 1999 and that’s just not me. I’ve never been a lazy person before and frankly, I don’t like being a lazy person. I know that exercise actually gives you energy and makes you happy, (although, not necessarily when you are excercising), and you just end up feeling really good about all kinds of things.
And, I’m also doing it because when my bio-sis found me, I discovered that there is this wonderful little thing that runs in the bio family. Stroke. Yah, no thank you. I really don’t wish to go through something like that.
So what prompted this whole thing? Why now and not a year ago? Well, honestly, gaining 20+ pounds in a month was quite a shocker but also as I was laying around in bed the past few days because I was sick, I was watching a lot of t.v. I watched that real life E/R show..."Life in the E/R” I think it’s called? Anyway, saw some guy come in there who had a stroke and that in addition to suddenly gaining all this weight made me sit back and think.
I’ve got to get off my lazy ass and get back in shape like I used to be.
So I went in to this gym that we always pass and got a tour and all kinds of information. You know what? Sometimes I just love it here in Texas. I cannot believe how much they give you for so little. I get all kinds of services and they have all kinds of equipment, pools, tennis courts, volleyball, rock climbing wall, saunas, spas, aerobics classes, pilates classes, other classes, rehabilitation experts, physical trainers, massage parlors, personal nutritionist, etc. etc. etc. for what seems like a ridiculously low monthly payment. Not only that, I don’t have to sign a contract. I pay month to month so I can leave whenever I so desire. I don’t have to pay for the use of a towel. And these guys are really behind you all the way because they mark your progress at various intervals; starting, 3 months, 6 months, etc. and they even have this thing called “Boot Camp” and if you make it through that, you get all these cool ass prizes.
How fucking cool is this place?
I’m so motivated. You don’t see things like this in Seattle. I sought out some gyms in Seattle and each time I would have to pay to walk in the door, pay to use the towels, pay to talk to someone, pay to have a trainer, pay for this, pay for that, pay, pay, pay.
So, I’m going back tonight and getting started, (oh yah, it’s open 24/7), and then tomorrow comes my real humiliation. Tomorrow night around 7, they are doing the first of the fitness assessments in which they will inform me just how out of shape I truly am. So, even though I may be 35, I’m physically probably a lot fricken older cause, hey, I admit it, I’ve been one lazy son of a bitch.
That’s alright though, cause in about two months, I’m gonna be smokin’. HA!
Really though, in spite of all that fun stuff, I’m really looking forward to the rehabilitation classes for my spine and my ankle. I cannot wait to get those back up to the way they used to be.
Maybe in about two to three months, I’ll show everyone a before and after photo. I mean, I don’t look bad right now but L-rd knows a bit of exercise would do me some good. Mostly though this is for health reasons and when you feel good, you can do anything.
Don’t worry though, there is absolutely no danger in me becoming a health nut. The day I choose granola over an order of scrambled eggs and sausage is the day I need to be put down.
Oh, and there were tons of good looking guys in there when I took my tour. Now that is a hell of a lot of motivation right there.
[By the way, I almost forgot because I was so excited about this gym thing, a most horrendous thing happened on the way to the gym. I had a paook incident while driving to the facility. Do you have any idea just how much it sucks to have one of those blood suckers hurtling itself across the driver’s window, crawling closer and closer towards you while you are driving in traffic? At each stop light I would attempt to slay it but of course, each stop light lasted approximately .0003 seconds so I didn’t have time to get good aim. Naturally. When you want a stop light, they simply will not turn red for you or stay red. So I drove hunched to the side hoping to everything that the damn thing would not touch me. I got to the parking lot and bolted out of the car, door still swinging on its hinges. Thankfully I found it and obliterated it right there on the pavement. One less paook in this world.]
