Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Pet Peeves
I’m doing some early Spring cleaning in my mind to make room for new stuff:
A friend and I were having a debate about the following:
If a person who is admittedly selfish, gets very jealous of things you do or people you talk to and seeks revenge whenever you displease them, turns around and says, “I love you”, would you believe it and is that really true love?
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So far this week alone I’ve had three different people tell me some real whoppers. I mean, c’mon folks....I’m not stupid.
You may think I believe you but it’s because I’m sitting back to see how big your lie will become.
In the past I got myself into real trouble by not listening to my instincts....I do these days. Regardless, the three people who have been lying to me this week have done SO poorly, that it has been obvious almost from the very start.
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Speaking of listening, I’ve noticed that a large percentage of the population, that I’ve observed, do not do so.
People talk too much. They never shut up. (erm...not trying to steal any song lyrics there......sorry)
Seriously, people are so full of chatter either externally or internally. I see it all the time in comments sections of blogs, for example. It’s easy to spot who skimmed a post and who actually read, listened and heard or TRIED to hear what the author was saying.
I have been asked so many times this week, “Where is building ‘x’?”
The people are not only a mere 10 feet away from building ‘x’ (which is CLEARLY marked), but there is ALSO a sign, right behind them, that they just read, that points them to said building not 10 feet away from them. They read the sign but still ask.
When I worked at the cruiseline, it was the same thing. People read what they want to read and when you point out to them what they missed, they get hostile and bitchy.
Hey, shut up for 30 seconds and fucking listen! to someone else besides yourself. You would be AMAZED at what you can learn when you do that. And by shut up I mean, not just close your mouth, I also mean, when someone is speaking to you, LISTEN to them instead of working out what you’re going to say when they are done....if you even give them the chance to finish....most people out there interrupt......I HATE it when people interrupt. That is the height of rudeness.
Anyway, be quiet. Listen. Hear what is being said. Not only with voice but with gestures. Observe people. They give so much away even when they don’t realize it.
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Sometimes when someone is asking for help, they aren’t asking for money or for you to take time out of your day or to exert yourself, (G-d forbid), in any way shape or form. Sometimes they are asking your help by way of information. If I am discussing a problem with you, 90% of it is me thinking out loud. The other 10% is me asking YOU if you have any information. Have you been through anything like this before. Do you know anyone who has? What did they do? What happened? If you can’t help, all you have to do is say so.
But do NOT insult my intelligence by stating:
“Gee, I’d like to help but.....”
Because I will call you on that “but” and if you give me even MORE excuses, I know that you are not interested in helping me at all, you are merely attempting to make yourself feel good by saying what you think you should say and you think I want to hear. Spare me. Don’t even bother...just say, “I can’t help you.”
And if you DO say, “I can’t help you”, do NOT, for the LOVE of G-D! come to me when I have figured it all out and succeeded in getting past that hurdle, and say, “I could have told you that.”
I may possibly strangle you.
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Tom Leykis is known for saying, when asked, “How are you?”, “Do you really care?”
I’m not a big fan of Leykis but I agree with him on this. If you ask me how I am, you’ll get an answer. If I ask you how you are, it’s because I actually want to know. I don’t believe in that Hollywood phony courtesy, “Let’s do lunch” b.s. Too often I have encountered this question followed by a story about the person before I ever got to answer their question.
Other Person: How are you?
Me: Oh, I’m.....
Other Person: Anyway, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Don’t bother asking me how I am if you are just using that question as a false courtesy. Just jump right into your anecdotes or other such items about yourself.
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These things have occurred at some of my places of employment:
If the food in the fridge isn’t yours, don’t eat it. Most especially when said food is IN a bag, MARKED with the person’s name on it. Hint: It’s NOT yours! Did it occur to you, pig, that this may be the ONLY food the person has for the entire day? You work, you get paid, buy your own damn food. Bastard. Next time, I’m putting a stale, old sandwich with expired mayonnaise in the fridge. I hope you get really sick because you chose to steal my food.
Other items that are not yours:
I put my things out of the way of anyone. I ensure that they will not hinder the work flow or any other process for anyone. Therefore, there is absolutely NO need to move my things. I don’t care if you “don’t like it there”, it isn’t in your way, it’s not yours, keep your mitts off other people’s things.
If for some reason, you feel that you simply MUST move it, then tell someone you are moving it and don’t shove the item behind something where no one will find it for an hour.
If you DID move someone’s belongings, don’t watch them search frantically for it all the while keeping quiet. SAY something! In the end, I’ll find out you did it and I will give you a big fat speech on common courtesy...especially if you expect me to just take it by saying, “Oh, that happens all the time here.” I don’t give a WHIT if it happens all the time here, it’s RUDE. Stop it.
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I really wish people would stop making excuses for rudeness. You know it’s rude. You weren’t born on a deserted island....you KNOW. And if someone is venting about rudeness they encountered, here’s an idea...let them vent. Telling me to “ignore it” or “move on” or “get over it” or my favorite, (right), “calm down” will only piss me off.
Just because I’m annoyed doesn’t mean I’m pissed. It doesn’t mean I’ve acted out or made a scene at the time. I usually will say something but I try to be tactful. So, when I come here, it’s to vent and get it all the way out of my system.
Of my entire time writing at this site and meeting people and talking to them via email, I do believe only TWO people have seen me pissed. (You both know who you are.) It takes a lot to piss me off.
It doesn’t take a lot to annoy me, it takes a LOT to piss me off.
There is a difference.
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Is there any particular reason people need to slam every cupboard, drawer and door in the house? I’ve had neighbors who slammed everything around so loudly I could hear it in my apartment. Is that necessary?
Oh, and here’s an idea: 11pm on a Sunday night is NOT the time to start cleaning your house, including vaccuuming. Most especially if you are the type who sees the need to >slam!< the vaccuum cleaner into the wall with each pass.
And if I talk to you about it, don’t be a dick. Acknowledge, for once in your life, that you are, indeed, being an asscow.
Oh, and if we have discussed that the reason your music is so much louder in my apartment than your own is because you put your speakers on the floor....wouldn’t you think to put them up off the floor? Or is that too complex?
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If I do let you borrow my stuff, return it in the same or better condition than what you borrowed it in. I do the same with your stuff. Extend me the same courtesy.
And I have a timeline on my books. If you borrow a book, you have one month to finish it. Movies you have one week. Don’t get upset with me and tell me, “I haven’t watched it yet!” or “I’m not done reading it yet!” Consider me like a library. My stuff is not to be borrowed indefinitely. I shouldn’t have to come to you three or four times asking for it back either.
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If you are my roommate and I have dishes that I will not put in the dishwasher...so that they last longer....have the fucking decency to stop putting them in the dishwasher. Don’t give me some story about how your old roommates always put THEIR cutting knives or pots and pans in the dishwasher. The point is, if you are going to use my stuff, respect it. If you cannot do that, don’t fucking use my stuff. Simple. Oh, and for the hag who said I was acting like a dictator with my own things....no shit. Are YOU going to replace it when it breaks? Not a roommate has yet....so when using MY things that I bought with MY own money, again, respect it or buy your own and destroy them.
Don’t tell me any of you wouldn’t be upset.....if you do, I will call you a liar.
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That’s all I can think of for now. Before anyone writes in and wants to know if I was referring to them, chances are, I was not. Chances are, my life does not revolve around my online time. Chances are, these things occurred in real life. So please, do not ask me if I am talking about you and if I’m mad at you.
Oh, I will say one thing to my online peeps: Just because I haven’t emailed you back doesn’t mean I’m ignoring you, mad at you, hate you, or whatever other idea you’ve put into your head. It simply means I am being worked to death and I’m exhausted. I will write to you....just have patience. Again, don’t take this personally...trust me, you are not the only one who emailed me and asked these questions. What’s funny is that most emailed and asked me what my problem was instead of asking me what was going on. I thought we had all learned by now that if I have a problem with you, I WILL address it. If you haven’t learned that, know it now. I’m not too busy to read your email and respond, I just may not respond as quickly as you think I should.
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Ah...I feel so much better. You know, it really isn’t that hard to be courteous to your fellow man. It’s really easy and you’ll find you actually enjoy doing it after awhile. Sometimes people ignore you and sometimes they, oddly, get upset...but more often than not, you will receive a VERY positive reaction from doing a simple, SIMPLE act of courtesy.
I haven’t always been courteous at every given moment but I am 99% of the time. It’s not a weakness....if that is how you view it, you couldn’t be more wrong.
Anyhoo....I really would like an answer to my question at the top. I’m very curious to see what people have to say about it.
