Sunday, March 14, 2004
Spiraling Out Of The Darkness
At long last, I can actually sit up for awhile without feeling sick. The worst part is over; after this it’s just a matter of getting staples removed and waiting to heal. However, I am going to write about this experience so click on the extended entry if you are in the least bit interested. Thanks again everyone who stopped by to wish me well and an enormous feeling of gratitude for those who keep checking in, emailing me, asking me the questions I don’t want to answer.....I appreciate you very much.
On with the story.....
Funny thing is, I had a premonition about this entire thing happening. In that I mean, I didn’t know I’d break my ankle and I didn’t know I’d be getting surgery but about 3 days before this whole thing went down, I started getting “scenes” of being in the hospital and my friend’s name kept flashing across.....kind of like on a movie screen. (Friend being Dok Russia who kept you all updated.) It was this name that would slide across the scene or flash a few times before taking leave and it was always in red. I have no idea how to explain any of this to you, I just know that it happens from time to time.
I also know, I never listen or pay heed. I think I’ll start doing so from here on out.
I sort of paid attention when I started to get the feeling that all was not going to be very easy during this surgery. It wasn’t the surgery I was wary of....wasn’t excited about it of course but I wasn’t scared of it either.
It was being put under that had me on edge. Granted, there is a complete state of vulnerability which I do not like; loss of control really that I waasn’t cool with but it was more than that. People kept telling me, “You’ll be fine” and shared their stories but I couldn’t shake the idea that this wasn’t going to be so simple.
Might I also add that I do believe animals know more than we do about certain things. Now my cat and I have a very strong bond but even she has been acting differently these past few days. The day before surgery, I woke up to catch her staring at me. Sure, she’s stared at me before...usually with pupils dialated and ready to play but this time, her eyes showed no play. I don’t know how to explain this. It wasn’t just that she was staring at me, it is the WAY she was staring at me that kinda made me feel weird. Even when I said her name and smiled at her and petted her, she continued staring at me....I swear it was right into my soul.
She’s always hung around me but lately, she has been keeping real close to me. She always starts off curling up next to me or cuddling in my arms but by the time I wake up, she’s either off doing something else or she has moved out of my embrace and positions herself at the end of the bed or on my dresser or chair, etc. After I got home, she has not left my side for more than 10 seconds unless it has been to eat or use the cat box. Its like she knows.
Anyway, my friend Dok Russia agreed to get up at the crack of dawn and drive all the way to my house to pick me up and take me to the VA hospital. Now, if that wasn’t cool enough, he also hung out with me until my name got called and he and his wife wanted to take me back to their house to take care of me while I recovered after the surgery. I tell ya, those are some fine friends.
Of course, I can never seem to stick to a plan. We got there at 0600 hours and saw that the waiting room was half full. A bit dejected, I stated, “See? I knew there would be people here already. It’s like we should have come at 4am to get here first.”
The nurse said, “There might be people in there, but you’re the first case.”
To that, Dok Russia and I shared a high five. We went into the waiting room and watched Fox News....laughing at the stupid things Kerry has done/said and within 12 minutes, my name was called.
A nurse directed me to a small locker room/bathroom where I was to get into my gown, give them a sample, (which was nearly impossible considering I wasn’t allowed to have anything to drink after midnight) and get wheeled into another room. This is where I said ‘good-bye’ to Dok and did as instructed.
Upon arrival to the other room, I was put into a bed/stretcher and asked my name, SSN and what kind of surgery I was getting...meaning, where on my body was it to take place. Then they called for a “site mark” where a dcotor or RN came in and physically marked the spot, in my case, my right knee, with their initials as to ensure the correct part was being worked on. (This confirmation was done yet one more time while I was awake so any fear I may have had about them working on the wrong leg was squashed. It has happened...not at the VA, in a civilian hospital...Many years ago, I read a story where a patient was to get one leg amputated and the doctors amputated the wrong leg. Allow that to boggle your mind for awhile and then consider why I might have had a bit of apprehension.) You would think this all unnecessary considering I had a splint on my right leg but....stranger things have happened.
Then it was time for the anaesthesia guy. He came by and discussed two different types of being put under. I didn’t want general because that was all the way under and they would be intubating me....NO thank you! However, the other was a spinal block....where they just numb you up from mid spine, down but the senior anaesthesia doctor said that because of my ongoing “therapy” for my spinal injuries due to my car accident in 99, he advised the general. Sigh....that damn hippie scum who hit me rears his ugly head again. Get the IV put in....left hand....painful...two shots to numb it up didn’t help....lied and said it was fine just so I wouldn’t get another shot....and next thing I know, I’m being wheeled into the surgery room.
It was cold in there, just like they warned and they brought me a blanket that felt straight outta the dryer. I recall commenting on that. I recall them strapping the legs down so I wouldn’t fall off. I recall them strapping the arms down and thinking I wasn’t altogether cool with any of this....I am very claustrophobic....I believe I have mentioned. I recall an oxygen mask and then I recall nothing more.
Next thing I know, I woke up, saw a lot of green...so I must have still been in the operating room, saw my anaesthesia guy standing over me to my left and someone else on my right. He said something like, “You’re all done” and I said, “You guys are done already? That’s so cool!” and then I remember nothing else.
Then I woke up in the recovery room. I was a bit light headed and very tired but started to feel okay. They called my friend Dok Russia to come get me. I got dressed and they gathered my things together. Dok showed up and it was time for me to get into the wheelchair to leave. I was in that wheelchair about 30 seconds when I realized, if I don’t lie down right now, I’m going to black out. My hearing started to go and I started to see those dark spots and I was feeling really sick. I told them I was going to pass out.
Back onto the bed. They took my blood pressure and it was low. They decided to keep me a little longer so Dok went home. I later found out that my BP had gotten as low as 88/47. Normally my BP is around 110/68....in that area. Let me tell you....you feel like ultimate shite when your BP drops.
Because my IV had been pulled not 10 minutes earlier in preparation for me to leave, I had to get another one. Crap!
Problem. Because my BP was so low, the nurse had an extremely hard time finding a vein. Now. I have to point this out....I have very pale skin and finding a vein has never been an issue for any medical professional ever in my entire life. Not only do they show up quite nicely, some are prominent. The nurse slapped my right arm for a long time trying to get a vein to come up. She thought she had one at the wrist...(painful!) and inserted the IV there. Pain, pain and more pain. It didn’t take. So she began her slapping process again. She rubbed an area in my forearm with rubbing alcohol, slapped it again, rubbed it again, slapped it again....repeat, repeat, repeat. Finally, she went for it. She told me to make a fist and she rubbed it one more time before inserting the IV. I, not being able to watch, had my head turned. She found the vein but I forgot to unclench my fist so blood shot out everywhere. She said in a hurried voice, “Let go of your fist!” and then began to finish up her work. I know she was worried about not finding a vein. I know she was worried about what she was going to do if she couldn’t. I could hear it in her voice and read it on her face. I know she was extremely relieved when this small vein, this hope she had that she went for, worked. Trust me, I was too.
For the next few hours I slept and felt sick and had no energy. I couldn’t lift my head, I couldn’t eat anything, I couldn’t drink anything and keep it down no matter how many times they tried. I also remember it really hurt to keep my eyes open.
My throat was very sore from the intuabtion. When I first came out, I had a really hard time speaking. After awhile that got better but even now, today, right this second, my throat still hurts.
Dok Russia was called to come get me again but pretty much the same thing happened. As soon as I was in a sitting up position, I realized I was going to pass out. Apparently I was asleep by the time he showed up and was sent back home. He did come to find out that I was given a higher than normal dose of anaesthesia during the surgery. Not sure why but if you read my story of my “surgery” when I was 5, you would be no more unsurprised than me.
Ended up spending the night in a room so they could monitor me since my BP was still kinda low. It was getting a LOT better by the time they wheeled me into my room but I was still very sick. I was in a lot of pain that night and they didn’t give me enough pillows to prop my leg up as far as I was concerned. Dok Russia came by to visit and my brother called up while he was there.
Then I was alone to wait it out. I watched FoxNews to make me feel better. After awhile, I fell asleep again. The thing about this whole experience is that I have had the weirdest dreams I have ever had. Now, I have some strange dreams so that is saying quite a bit.
By the way, why do they take you into the hospital to ‘rest’ and recover and then proceed to interrupt you at all hours of the night with medicine to help you rest and the maintenance and cleaing guys banging shit around as loudly as humanly possible?
I decided to just watch t.v. again and found Godzilla playing. Heh. Right on. I watched that until I passed out yet again.
Pretty much the rest of the night and morning was spent passing out, waking up, passing out again. I was anxious to get going so even though I hurt and still couldn’t eat or drink, I told them I was ready. They had lost my crutches so we had to get new ones...this took forever.
I told them at 7am I wanted to go home now. I was finally released at noon. It took that long for them to get me new crutches, take out my IV, get a visit from the doctor and have me sign the relase papers. Grrrr!
I knew that once I got home, I would feel much better. I knew that I would be able to prop myself correctly and that I would have some sort of quietness and be able to sleep.
That is exactly what happened too. I got home, my brother got me set up with everything and then he left for a few hours and I passed out.
That night, I was finally able to eat, actually was looking forward to eating and it stayed down. I drank a lot of water and I was not feeling any pain. Finally.
So, there we are. I’ve been taking my drugs, drinking my water and using my incentive spirometer. (That’s the thing that trains your lungs to breathe because the anaesthesia and bed rest for so long can collapse your lung) and basically feeling much better.
My throat still hurts and it makes me cough a little and I SWEAR sometimes it feels like the staples are popping out....even though they have no place to go. I wonder if this is how cardboard boxes feel....I can’t wait to get them out.
Basically the pain I’m feeling is the incision pain. I don’t feel any pain in my bone or muscles or anything else. I feel the pain where they cut my skin and I feel...I know I’m feeling the staples. But I feel better and I know that this will soon be over and I know I made it.
Next time I have a premonition, I’m paying attention.
