I am craving a cigarette so damn bad right now. Luckily, (I suppose), I don’t have any so I’m going to tell you a story instead in hopes that this will take my mind off the desire for nicotine! (drool!)
I live in a house in a really nice neighborhood here in my city. It’s one of those neighborhoods where it’s fun to walk the dog at dusk and it’s not hard to chat a bit with your fellow citizens.
Anyway, the house I live in has two floors. There is, obviously, the main floor, and then there is a “basement” but because the ground slopes downward, it’s what they call, a “day” basement. (I think that is the correct term.) In other words, the only room in my part of the house that is underground is my bedroom. Everything else is actually above ground. Yes, I took the lower unit because it meant I didn’t have to do yard work.
Which is perfectly fine with me and if you think about it, I get to enjoy the work of others. heh. I had a yard and gardens and all that and I’m just not much of a gardener. For the most part, I HATE spiders and they are everywhere in a garden. Second, I hate mowing the yard and trimming bushes. Other than that, yardwork isn’t so bad.
Anyway, so, now I don’t have to do that anymore--my neighbors get to mow and weed and plant and I get to enjoy the look and get free veggies.
Back to the story. So, I moved in here last year with my dog and other assorted pets. I had to go through a lot of hell to convince the landlord to accept my dog. Because of that, I did everything in my power to be very, very quiet so as not to disturb the upstairs tenants. Apparently I succeeded because one day, we ran into each other in the yard and they said they didn’t even know I had moved in yet. (I had been there 2 weeks by this time).
Anyway, over the course of the next 7 months, I was privvy to the worst, noisiest, rudest, insensitive pricks on EARTH! Why does someone need to start cleaning their house at 11pm on Sunday night? And why do they feel the need to SLAM into the wall with their vaccuum cleaner on every pass? And why is it that they feel the need to STOMP as loudly as they possibly can and walk around in circles for three hours non-stop? Oh, and why, dear G-D why, do I have to listen to them have sex?!
It was horrible! I hated them! When they finally moved I was the happiest person in the world. I discussed some things with my landlord as he was looking for new tenants. Well, apparently it got through to him because the new tenants are quieter than church mice.
They moved in at the beginning of May and I’ve heard them maybe twice. When I say, “heard them”, I mean, they’ve annoyed me. Everything else is just normal living noise.
Anyway tonight I woke up from a lack of nicotine induced sleep and decided I’d better let the dog out to do her business. Oh, I forgot to mention, the upstairs unit has stairs outside at the back of the house that leads down to the yard. It also leads right to my patio. Ok, where was I? The dog. So, the dog finishes up and then proceeds to race up the back stairs up to the neighbors house. Crap! Come here Dog!
I didn’t want to see anyone because, as I said, I had JUST woken up. I was still in my pajamas, I was covered in sweat from sleeping in too many clothes and my teeth weren’t brushed, my hair wasn’t brushed and I needed a shower.
Well, OF course. When you look your absolute worst, that is when everyone wants to come over and talk! I called my dog down repeatedly but of course she wasn’t listening because the upstairs neighbors were showering her with pets and such. *&%#@!! I don’t mind people petting and playing with my dog. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. sigh. Now I’m forced too.
The guy comes downstairs and says, “Oh, that’s okay, she’s a great dog.” He then looked as if he wanted to carry on a conversation.
So.......
Me: “Thanks, well, I better get back in. I just woke up and I’m not looking the part right now.”
Do you think he took the hint? No. He brought his girlfriend and HER friend down. Hey! Bring the whole block!
We discussed courtesy and noise and gardens, pets and all that stuff. They gave me their phone # to call if they were ever too loud. I told them, “Just knock on my door and let me know if you’re having a party so I can prepare myself or go somewhere else.” blah blah blah. You know. Neighbor chat. Throughout, I kept hinting that I was rather uncomfortable talking right then and there as I was in my pajamas and slippers, (my WAY too big for me pajamas), my hair was dirty, my teeth were dirty, (you know, like you swear everyone from here to the next county can tell you haven’t brushed yet) and that I’d be thrilled to talk to them later. Did they get it? Nope. Yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack......Oi Vey!
Finally they said good-night and went upstairs. As I was pulling the dog back inside with me, it dawned on me. OF COURSE they didn’t get why I was uncomfortable! They’re fricken hippies! I just look like one of them!
<--- Here Endeth The Lesson
