Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Time Is Running Out
One of the things I hate doing the most in this world is waiting for people. I am absolutely no good at it. I have too big of an imagination and too many doubts that enter my mind while I wait.
I hate unplanned plans. What is “later”? When is that? Later that day? Later that week? Three weeks from now? What is it?
What about, “some day”? What day is that? How far off into the future is that? Is that just another empty promise? Why not tomorrow? Why does it always have to be weeks or months or years from now?
If it’s a good idea, why not just do it? If it’s something you really want to do, what’s holding you back?
Time? You don’t have time? I hate that excuse. There are 24 hours in a day. Everyone has time. If it’s really important to you, you’ll organize your time so that you can do it...even if it’s 5 minutes, if it’s important to you, you will find that 5 minutes.
When I wrote about that wisdom from my mother, “Never expect anything from anybody”, this was one of the issues I was referring to that I just haven’t got right yet. I fight this one all the time. I can’t help myself. If someone tells me they are going to do something, I actually expect them to do it. I know, I’m not supposed to....this one has given me problems ever since I understood what my mother meant.
“Someday we’ll do that.” “I’ll call you later.” “We’ll have to go out to lunch one day.” “I’ll be there at six o’ clock.” “If you need anything, let me know.”
Yah, I need something. I need you to act like the friend you tell me you are. You are my friend because I enjoy your company. I LIKE talking to you. I like spending time with you.
I have sat back patiently far too many times with far too many people and I ultimately end up feeling like a pest when I do, on occasion, admit that I want to hang out with you because I miss you. Because you don’t call. Because you don’t write. Because you don’t come over.
Don’t take my friendship for granted because I will grow tired of waiting. I will get hurt and I will feel dismissed and I will learn not to have you around anymore.
Don’t promise me anything if you can’t follow through....and that includes your friendship.
I’m done waiting. I don’t have the strength to do it anymore.
