Thursday, October 07, 2004
Wanted
I hate looking for jobs. I hate the entire process. You have to go through the searching and then the rewording of your resume and writing up cover letters that you hope will not only impress the pants off the employer but will be so different from the 500 other cover letters and resumes they have received that you will stand out and make them take a second look. If you are lucky enough to get called, then there is the painful interview process and this is usually where I blow it. I’m pretty good at getting called in but then in the interview, I get really nervous and just fuck up no matter how hard I concentrate on not repeating the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. The following is a typical conversation I have with myself in my head while in the interview:
“Ok, remember, look them in the eye but don’t bore holes into their skulls.”
“Stop flapping your hands all over the place for G-d’s sake.”
“That doesn’t mean sit on them!”
“When they ask you a question, don’t look to the ceiling to find your answer.”
“Try not to wipe the sweat from your brow with the same hand you will be using to shake with.”
“For the love of G-d stop fidgeting!”
“Aw crap, what did she just ask? You were so busy talking to yourself you missed the question. Quick, think of a non committal bullshit answer”
“Aw shit! The question pertained to committments! CRAP!”
And it just gets worse from there.
Seriously though, I usually give great answers, (thanks to my public education, I mastered the art of bullshitting my way through test essays...does it show?), but all that other crap I do just destroys it for me and the more I think about it while in the interview, the worse I make things. Ugh. Sigh...I hate interviews.
“Why do you want to work here?” Gee, I don’t know, cause I need a fricken job?
“Tell us one fault you have.” Does anyone else hate this question?
“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Hint: Show them you aspire to be something greater than you are now but make sure not to give them the feeling or inclination that you intend on being their boss one day.
Anyway, I’ve just recently really started looking for jobs because the one job I thought I had back in August I guess I don’t have or it’s not actually panning out or they aren’t ready...I don’t know. I won’t get into that right now but since it doesn’t look like it actually is happening, I’ve been looking around and applying elsewhere. And now all I do is think about jobs and interviews and past jobs and what I liked about them, what I hated about them and gah! I can’t stand it.
One thing I do know is that I cannot stand cubicle work. I despise it. Loathe. It. I’m not a cubicle mouse and the last thing I want to do is wake up every morning hating how I’m going to spend my day. I am so not into “let’s make as much money as humanly possible” because to me, what good is that if you can’t stand 8-12 hours out of each and every day you live? I would much rather take a lower paying job and enjoy where I work than be miserable. Some people are the opposite and that’s fine. I just wish people would accept that how I view things works for me. I only have one chance at life and I don’t want to spend it hating it. Besides, I could get a fantastically high paying job, get my fat paycheck and die the next day. No thanks.
ANYWAY, so while looking around for work, I start thinking about jobs I’ve had in the past and it occurred to me, if I had a blog 5-10 years ago, (had they existed), I would have one of the best fricken blogs out there. I’ve had some of the all time real pieces of work for co-workers. I would have had material each and every day. The kind of material that would make half the audience shriek, “OH MY G-D! I know what you mean!” and the other half wilt, “Holy shit! What’s wrong with those people! Get out while you can!”
This time around, however, I’m trying a different approach. See, in the past, I have only obtained two jobs from newspapers or websites. Every other job has been via word of mouth. Newspapers and websites just don’t work for me. There is currently a job I really, really, really, want, pretty please with sugar on top give it to me but I’m not so sure I’m going to get it. The reason for that is because my experience with this kind of work dates further back than my resume or application would allow so unless they actually call me up for an interview, they don’t know I have any experience in this field at all. Further, it’s a city job and chances are they already have the person they want but had to keep the job opened for all to apply because sometime in history, someone, somewhere pissed and moaned that they didn’t have a fair chance to try for some job one time and now government and city jobs have to remain open. Now I think that’s bullshit.
It’s bullshit because if that whiny ass would have stopped whining for a second, they would have realized that, “Tough shit, that’s life. Buck up and move on. Someday you’ll get that opportunity and someone else won’t. That’s how life works. Stop complaining and making things worse for everyone because you can’t handle reality.” I also think it’s crap because if they already know who they are going to hire but have to go through this dog and pony “feel good” show for someone, it gives everyone else false hope and wastes their time. As far as I’m concerned, if you have an opening and you know who you want, hire them and close the job. Big deal. You’re going to hire them anyway!
So this time, because I really want to work in this field and I’m not so confident I’ll get the actual paying job, I’m going to volunteer at this place. See? Instead of bitching and moaning, I found an alternative. So I don’t get paid but I do a service for the community, (always good), and I meet the people at the job, (also good), and when there is an opening, I have the experience and the people know me. (Double plus good.)
I go for orientation towards the end of the month and unless I’m a real loser, I should actually get to volunteer. I already filled out the application and the lady already interviewed me and now I just meet the people I will work for. Basically I’m in unless they absolutley hate me which I can’t imagine. I mean, this is ME we’re talking about. I totally rule.
I mean, of course, it depends on how many people are looking to volunteer as well. I have tried volunteering a time or two before in the past and it was fricken harder to volunteer than it was to get a damn job! It doesn’t make you feel good when you are offering your time and hard work and they tell you, “Yah...um, no thanks.”
Ah fuck...I just lost my concentration. Some little kids are playing outside and one keeps screaming bloody fucking murder, (nothing is wrong with them, they just scream....irritating..I mean, unless your arm is being severed or you are being abducted, could you shut up with that level of screaming?), and the dog started barking. Now, most dogs give you some sort of warning that they are going to start barking. You know, you might get a low growl, a half bark, something. This dog? No warning. You can be sitting there, blocking out the screaming, blocking out the 3000 chirping birds sitting on the rooftop outside your window, blocking out traffic noises because you are deep in concentration when this dog will give you a gottdamned heart attack because she just lets loose with her high pitched and extraordinarily loud sudden barking. If I die of heart failure here, it’s the dog’s fault.
Son of a bitch. I have no idea where the hell I was going with this post now. It had something to do with jobs and writing in blogs. Well anyway, if I do get this job, I can’t write about it here because it’s a city job and it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out precisely where I work and the last thing I’m going to do is jeapordize my job. When I worked in the restaurant it was easy because there are a kabillion restaurants in Houston...no one would know which one I was referring to. No one at my job knew I blogged. Hell, no one at my restaurant job knew much about me at all...which is actually how I prefer things in the workplace. I applied for a job to work, not to pretend it was a cocktail party. If I do make friends, that’s just a bonus but I don’t go out of my way to do so. I try to keep my work life and private life two completely separate things. But if I get this job, I can’t even tell you what kind of job it is because you’ll figure it out and anyone out there who hates me or is just an asshole could easily make life hard for me with one phone call. Course, if I had a cubicle job, I could come on here and tell you horrifying cubicle work stories and you would all feel my pain and/or laugh along with me....but I don’t think that’s a good reason to get a cubicle job.
Nope, the whole point of starting this entry isn’t coming to me. *&^%$#@! mutt! Soooooo, I guess I’ll close this now and state only, if you like me, wish me luck. If you don’t like me.........why are you here?
