Monday, September 17, 2007
Honestly
The first week at my job I was told, “The stupidest people in the world will walk right through those doors.” I’ve worked with the public many times before and am well aware that the vast majority of people, in general, really are idiots.
As an example, you can sell these empty headed twits a ticket for the air boat and tell them that the next ride begins in 20 minutes. They will nod and smile and say, “thank you” and sit outside to wait. They will then, not 5 minutes later, harass us drivers, asking us, “When is the next boat ride?”
Me: “Well, what did they tell you at the counter?”
Idiot: “They said 20 minutes.”
Me: “Ok. And how long ago was that?”
Idiot: “About 5 minutes ago.”
Me: “Well, alright then....let’s see here...multiply the ::mumble mumble:: carry the one ::mumble mumble:: divide by pi...::mumble mumble:: Sir, the next ride should be in 15 minutes.”
I mean, JESUS!
So, I’ve decided to offer a little public service announcement to all the tool sheds in this world who don’t have the slightest understanding about wildlife whatsoever and have miserable attitudes about life in general.
This is something that I’ve heard complaints about by far too many people, (meaning, if even ONE person complains about it, it’s too much stupidity for the mind to handle), not only in my current job but also when I worked in the cruise industry.
If you are on a shore excursion from a cruise, an air boat ride, an African safari, whatever, please keep in mind that no one. NO! ONE! Can guarantee that you’ll see wildlife in the wild while you are out looking for it. You’ll probably see it. Chances are pretty good you’ll see something. We know where they like to hang out and we’ll look there but you are in the wild. You are NOT on a ride at Disneyland. These are wild animals, not mechanical robots. If you want to come out to the Everglades in the summer, in the boiling fucking afternoon, you may see very little and you may not see a damn thing because it’s fucking hot! The animals, unlike you crayons, are not stupid enough to sit out there and cook themselves just so you can get a shot of them on your camera. They are burrowing in the shade, or the mud, or in the water. And I am not personally responsible for that so shove your nasty remarks and shitty attitude up your ass and go back across the ocean where you came from, you ignorant fucks!
Further, don’t you dare get pissy with me stating that you deserve another ride because you didn’t “see anything” when the rest of the fucking boat of people managed to see things out there and were very happy. It’s not my fault you don’t turn your damn head when I point it out. If you don’t want to listen to me, fine. But perhaps you could take your cue from everyone else who is leaning to one side of the boat, oohing and aahing, cameras flashing and realize that, perhaps! There might be a reason for that. And, finally, if you didn’t see anything the first time around, what makes you think you’re going to see anything the second time around 1 minute later? If it’s fucking hotter than the bowels of Hades, you’re not going to see much of anything. And excuse the fuck out of me if you watched too much Discovery Channel and do not realize that those shows have spliced together hours and hours, hell days and days of footage to bring you a half an hour show. Just because our waters are not teeming with hissing, teeth gnashing, monster sized alligators does not mean that the two 6 and 7 foot alligators that were out there are “nothing”.
Perhaps if you listened to the tour I gave you instead of prattling on and on and on to your traveling companions the entire fucking time, you would have heard all the information about alligators and realized that Hollywood has blown things out of proportion. And, really, do I really need to actually tell you that? Do you not already realize that Hollywood blows everything out of proportion and just makes shit up? Are you that damn gullible?
Wait. I forgot I was talking about stupid fucking people. Nevermind. No need to answer. Just remember, don’t take it out on the people if the wild animals don’t come out and do a jig on your command. Better yet, just stay the hell inside your house. It’s too shocking to my system to comprehend how you managed to find your way out of bed, let alone the front door, without injuring yourself.
That should do it and Lord knows I feel better now.
And now, here are some photos of some new friends I’ve made. I feed these little things every day and it may only mean something to me but I’ve never been around chickens. Who knew they were as funny, sweet and smart as they are?
The only problem with feeding them is that the ducks and peacocks also follow me home now, too. I actually don’t mind. I’d rather deal with these birds and other wild life than many of the people I’ve met in my life.
And no, these are not my birds. They just really like me and I really like them.
And that is it for the day because we just got nailed by one hell of a storm. Ciao, kids.
