Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Hungry? Not After This!
Ah! Bon Jour! Welcome to Chez Serenity, (please remember to roll the “r” thank you). I will be acting as your waiter and host because I drew the short straw. A little bit about me, my name is Serenity and I am morbid, (seriously dark sense of humor), sarcastic, cynical and I love getting a reaction out of people. It brings me great joy. Today I have selected for you a fine menu of culinary delights which is sure to please your.......eh well.... “please” may be too strong a word...but your senses will definitely be intruded upon.
To start you off, I have prepared a most delicious spinach salad mixed up with walnuts, oranges, shredded cheese, a most delectable vinagerette and topped with whistling tree frog....as all meals should have a little music to accompany them, no?
Oiu. I see you have good taste! On to the next course...for your appetizer, please don this snorkel and goggles and head on over to the telephone booth filled with popcorn Americans love their popcorn, no? Ah yes, you do. I make deal with you. If you can consume 50 cubic feet of popcorn in one sitting, your meal is on us.
So, I see you still have appetite! Wery good! For the main course, we have prepared a dish of fresh, juicy, recently aborted fetuses. What is this you say? It is disgusting? It is an outrage? If one is pro abortion, one might wish to ask themselves why they think this. Afterall, it is all the rage in China and has apparently made its way to the fine delicatessens in Kansas. Oui! It’s said to be good for your skin! Afterall, it’s not like we’re serving you human......right?
You may be asking yourself, “What wine would go well with this fabulous meal?” That is not for you to worry your pretty little head about. We here at Chez Serenity have already selected the perfect drink for you. Breathe in deep the aroma of this most delicious drink, swirl it around in your glass, take a large gulp and swish it between your teeth. This is the only way you will get the full benefits of the pig urine that has been developed to better your health. You see, we care about you.
Finally, we come to dessert. Nothing cleans the palate quite like a nice scoop of ice cream. If you would kindly provide the deed to your house and the keys to your car to us, we will be more than happy to offer you one scoop of ice cream. If you want a double scoop, we will need your stock portfolio, passwords and account numbers. The cone will cost you your next 6 paychecks.
What’s this? Ah yes. I can see that you are getting full. Would you care for an after dinner mint? Just one. little. mint?
It’s wafer thin.
Thank you for visiting Chez Serenity. We hope you had a most pleasant meal. Now get out of here, I need to clean up the mess you made. Filthy pig dogs!
[thanks to one of my favorite morbid writers, Forget Your Fears for the Kansas doctor link]
