Tuesday, October 09, 2007
I Do This For You
Dearest Felions:
You know I adore you. You know I’ll give you tons of scritches and pets and let you sleep on the bed all sprawled out even if it means I remain uncomfortable the entire night. Whatever it takes to make you happy.
You know I provide you with delicious food, on schedule, twice a day. You know that I’ll clean up your yack and hairballs and poo so that you may have a cleaner, more sanitized environment. You know I make sure you are healthy and happy and stay healthy and happy. You know I buy toys for you so that you may entertain yourself or show off your fierce hunting skills to me. You know I offer treats for absolutely zero reason because I love you.
But we need to establish a few rules:
Rule #1: When I’m reading, please do not stick your head under the book to peek at me or plop your butts on the pages that I’m currently reading. There are several other places you can seat yourself to commence your grooming. Yes, you are distracting me, but you don’t want to do this. I need to relax.
Rule #2: When I’m watching t.v., please do not situate yourself right in front of the t.v. screen so that I have to look at you to see anything. You are not invisible. I cannot see the program through you. Yes, you are distracting me, but you don’t want to do this. I need to relax.
Rule #3: When I’m on the computer reading, please do not sit right in front of the monitor. As stated in rule 2, I cannot see through you because you are not invisible. Yes, you are distracting me, but you don’t want to do this. I need to relax.
a) When I’m on the computer typing, please do not plop your butts on top of the keyboard pushing all sorts of buttons and letters that cause my typing to go crazy or the work to disappear. Yes, you are distracting me, but you don’t want to do this. I need to work.
You see, if you do not let me relax, I will become a giant mass of useless flesh and will lose my job because I’m too tired or mentally exhausted. In addition, if you do not let me work, I do not make more money.
You see, darling kittehs, I do all of this for you. I relax with a good book, television show or internet surfing so that I may wind down and be prepared for the following day of work. And the day after that and the day after that and so on. I work extra all for you. I type on that keyboard so that I may be paid from advertisers who want me to tout their sites and products. That typing brings us more money. More money means you get more things. Those things include your free lunches, your retirement fund, your free health care, your free toys, your free maid service, your free drugs catnip. It also means that soon, you’ll have much better living quarters; much larger, newer, exciting living quarters. More room to play and gallop around. More room for your cat tree to climb. More places to hide your little treats that you may hunt for throughout the day.
If you don’t stop trying to distract me and acting like you are emotionally neglected, you’re not going to get any of those things. Got it? PUNKS!
I thank you for your time.
Love,
Me
