Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I'm Baaaaack!
Well, well, well, look who did not heed my warning. YOU! Therefore, the boring attention whoring continues.
(I would like to say ‘thank you’ to Jan because she GETS IT! And Blood Spite...three years is unacceptable BUT I do give you props for saying something today. The rest of you? I eyeball you warily.)
Now. Then.
Back to the cell phone. I looked at my co-worker’s phone today and found out that the web access is total shit and would not suit my purposes. Those purposes being coming to my site, writing boring ass shit, detailing every last minute of my day, LIVE and sharing random thoughts. So..you have been spared for now but you will RUE the day when I do find a phone that allows me FULL access to the web in a ‘pay as you go’ plan and the phone does not cost the same as a car, she exaggerates.
It’s ok...the phone was ugly anyway.
So...today I drove and pretended I liked people for each trip. I now have a headache but it’s slight so I think I’ll live. For lunch, I had french fries. I was going to have a grilled chicken salad (sans salad dressing because there isn’t any at work..cheap bastards), but someone had fries and I made another co-worker go get me some as well. By the time I was done with the delicious, humongous fries, I no longer cared to dine on my grilled chicken salad. So I fed that to the birds.
Now, I’m about to go have some dinner...oh wait..I have to heat it up first. Shit. Eventually, I’m going to have some dinner, is the point.
When I got home, I cleaned my bathroom and the cat water dish out and that has been my day, thus far.
Oh, real quick before I go, (and I certainly hope you’ve learned something the past two days...this will not be the end of the post..pshaw! As IF you would be so lucky...updates WILL follow), I would like to thank the state of Massachusetts for pulling their collective heads out of their collective asses at a time when it was really important. Course, anything can happen anyway but it’s a step in the right direction and it most certainly does send a message. I see back pedaling in the near future.
Update The cats just knocked something over. They are always doing this. I have to go see what the hell they’ve wrecked this time. Cats are a lot of work. Gottdamnit! As I was writing that, they fucked something else up. Buncha little shits!
Update Turns out one of the cats was trying to get in to the cupboard where I hide the stash of cat nip. He was trying to be all sneaky about it but he knocked over a bottle of salad dressing, (yes, it’s unopened..der!), and that was the crash I heard. The little punk was looking for a fix. He has a serious drug problem. It’s embarrassing the entire family. I think I should contact A&E to do an intervention.
Update Reader, Mat, wants more anti-stupid posts. My God the stories I have....where do I even begin? How do I choose? Let me think which one I’ll share and I’ll get back to you. I have years of material about stupid people. YEARS!!!!!
Update The strangest thing has happened to me. Here I was, thinking of all of the stupid people stories and I got stage fright. Yes. I started doubting my abilities to write something to entertain. This does not bode well with me. The only thing I can think of is that when I do write about stupid people or one of my famous rants, it’s because I am writing it before I even know what I’m doing. Really. I do not sit down and think, “Let me write this..outline it, build the characters...” I just write it. In fact, often times when I write on this site, it’s something that just flows out before I even know what I’m really doing. Sure, I know I’m writing something and sure, I know I’m on my website but sometimes I’ll sit down to write something totally different and then out pops a rant or post about the stupid fucking idiot I had to deal with recently.
And the real kicker is, when I’m done, the venting is over, I will re-read what I wrote because I hate typos and grammatical errors, (although I still make plenty), and I’m almost fascinated by what I’m reading because it’s like I don’t remember writing it. Does anyone have a damn clue as to what I’m talking about? I don’t mean that I’m possessed or anything, I mean sometimes it’s easier for me to write something really good when I DON’T think about it and just let it happen.
Hm. I could have just said that last part and saved us all a couple of minutes.
Anyway, I was thinking about where I’ve recently met stupid people and these are the categories:
Work, Store, Post Office, Road, Parking Lot, Gas station....
Speaking of gas stations...I just went recently to fill up my tank on one of those cold, blustery days we had here. Because I work for tips, I try to spend the cash money on food and gas and things like that and reserve the checks for paying bills from my account. Whatever, anyway, so I go inside to give the counter person some money so they’ll activate the pump for me and I saw something that I see a LOT where ever I go....I’d like to know if you do, as well.
So, I grab my wallet, walk in to the store through one door while another patron is walking in to the store through another door opposite me. I see him look at me, look at the counter, calculate the distance we both are from the counter and RUN to the counter to be in line in front of me.
Is he serious?
Are all of the people who do this, SERIOUS?
Do I wear a look that states, “I’m a slow ass shopper and will hold you up for hours”? I’m the last person you need to worry about holding up the line because the less interaction I have with the public, the happier I am.
Does this happen to other people? And I don’t mean once or twice or even once in awhile, I mean ALL the time!
Ok, anyway, back to stupid people...wait...we just talked about one..but back to my list. I figured I just posted about some of the stupid people at work, co-workers and customers alike so that wouldn’t do. I already told you about cell phone bitch, the Post Office...I’m still not ready to talk about it, roads, parking lots...I write about those all the time as does everyone else...I need something original.
Like the bitch and the towing sign that I wrote about some years back. Or the bitch and my dog, that I wrote some years back. Or the bitch and the parking spot in front of the apartment building I wrote about a few years back.
I guess that is my destiny. I’m supposed to go through all of this with the stupid people, the bitches just so that I can come back here and write something out without being fully conscious of what I’m writing just to entertain you all. I can live with that...especially if people actually started commenting on those posts. Why should I suffer alone?!
Wow, I think I just bored even myself with this update so I’m going to find something else to do now. I think I’ve realized, you can’t force these posts...you just have to let them come to you naturally.
Update Kids, you got off light today. I mean, really, this was by far one of the most boring posts I’ve ever written but it was short and much like a quickly ripped of band-aid, the pain only lasted a short while. That’s because I had to drive all day today which meant I worked hard. I have to drive all day tomorrow, as well so you may get lucky then, too...we’ll see. HOWEVER! This Friday and weekend? The gloves come off!
And by the time I get two more days off, I will re-evaluate what has gone on around here and decide whether I shall keep with the boring or try something new. It all depends on you. THINK about THAT while I go get ready for bed. And then go to bed. And read...take a guess....have you been paying attention? Yes, that’s right, “Under The Dome” by Stephen King, the best damn story teller there ever was besides Mark Twain...and I will, again, eat peanut M&Ms until I pass out.
Tomorrow is yet another day, kids. Don’t you love it when people say that? “Tomorrow is another day.”
THE HELL YOU SAY!
And grass is green. The sky is blue. Chickens have wings. This is fascinating stuff, thank God you shared with me! Tomorrow is another day....all this time I thought tomorrow was the same day.
As Bill Cosby says, (paraphrased), “A word to the wise isn’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need it.”
