Thursday, December 10, 2009
My Job Is Making Me Stupid
Or maybe it’s this entire town, who knows. Here are some things I’ve heard at my job in the past...oh, about 3 months:
Whenever I point out that something can’t be that way because it would be illegal, I get told, “Oh, there’s a new law that just passed this year that allows that.” Apparently there are a lot of new laws out this year.
“Smoking pot is not bad for you. That’s a government conspiracy. You believe what the government wants you to believe. I smoke it every day, it’s not bad for you.”
“The guy who shot JFK, Lee Army Oswald...”
Scene: Co-worker studying for nationalization test brings questions to work to test our knowledge. (I’ve shared this before but I’m doing it again.)
She: “Who said, ‘Give me liberty or give me death’?”
Me: Patrick Henry.
Others: “Thomas Jefferson.” “Yah, it’s Thomas Jefferson.”
Me: No, it’s Patrick Henry.
Others: “No, it’s Thomas Jefferson.....Patrick Henry...please...scoff...hahahahahhahahaha...it’s Thomas Jefferson.” Look at each other all smug.
She: “Patrick Henry.”
Me: :::Stupid pricks:::
“It’s beer o’clock!!”
“It’s beer thirty!!”
“I’m gonna go smoke some pie!” (This is what they call pot.)
“Piss!” At random moments. No, it’s not in conjunction with anything...it’s just out of the blue, random moment, someone just yells, “Piss!”
“I don’t read, it’s boring.”
“You’re gay.” “No, you’re gay.” “No, you’re gay.” “No, you’re gay.” “You’re gay times infinity.” (I wish I was making that up.)
We have some roosters at the park where I work. When one of them is looking for them, they will say, loudly, “Where’s my cock?! Has anyone seen my cock?!”, because they are 4.
Showing me a newspaper article: “Read this headline.” I read it. It says, “Haitian Community Coming Together”. I look up, “Ok...what?” Them: “I’d call that perfect timing! BARHARHARHAR!” Don’t worry if you don’t get it....it was so stupid I didn’t get it for a couple of minutes. Until I remembered who I was talking to.
As with “Piss!”, periodically, for no reason, someone will yell out, “Bob Saget!” for no reason.
Mon: “I’m still hungover from last night.”
Tue: “I’m still hungover from last night.”
Wed: “I’m still hungover from last night.”
Thur: “I’m still hungover from last night.”
Fri: “I’m still hungover from last night.”
Sat: “I’m still hungover from last night.”
Sun: “I’m still hungover from last night.”
“It was all because of Bush.....” (Still.)
“You don’t burn calories just from moving around at home or work. You have to exercise to burn calories. Walking around all day at work doesn’t burn calories.”
“Fuck these tourists. Only 4 of them tipped me. I’m going to be late on rent again this month.” This comes from a guy who budgets in $400 a month for pot. He can’t pay his rent, but he can afford his $400 in pot every month.
Me: “There’s a plethora of issues here...”
They: “Serenity’s using big words again...she’s trying to make us all look stupid.”
Me: :::I don’t have to say anything and you all will still look stupid:::
I wish I could say that this was 5 minutes of conversation out of the day but this is pretty much all the conversation one gets throughout the entire day. When you top it off with tourists asking the dumbest questions on earth, (really, there is such a thing as a stupid question....example: Tourist is standing right next to the boats on the dock. They’ve seen people loading in to boats and unloading out of boats at this dock. They then ask, “Where do we go to get the boat.” I pretend they have stumped me and reply, “Hm. Uh....to be honest, I’m not sure.” Many of them have no idea that I’m making fun of them), I think my IQ has slipped about 100 points since I’ve been here.
I’ve not had an intelligent conversation in 2 1/2 years. No wonder I can’t think of anything to write these days.
