Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Relishing Every Moment
That cat you see in the header, Serenity? She’s my best friend ever. I love that cat. I’ve had her since she was six months old. She’s about 12 years old now.
At first, I didn’t want her. I had a lot of pets already. I was going out with someone at the time and he had found this poor, little white kitten sitting outside, in the dark, in a puddle, in the rain. Very pathetic. He took her in. But he wasn’t allowed to have pets. He gave her to some girl he was dating at the time. A few months later, after he was done seeing the girl, we met. We started going out. A few months later, the girl called him up and said she couldn’t keep the cat. She said that the cat was peeing all over the house. Come to discover, she left the cat in a room, all by itself, all day long.
When she returned the cat to him, poor Serenity was infested with fleas. INFESTED! I was furious. We got her taken care of. Again, he wasn’t allowed to have pets but he loved Serenity. I allowed her to come over with him and eventually her stays got longer and longer...play dates with my pets, if you will.
We broke up. It was not a nice break up. It could have been but the dude owed me money and he wanted to get stupid about that. But, even through all the nastiness, he did still show he did have a heart and really did love Serenity. He was not allowed to have cats where he lived and he knew if he kept her, she might not be able to stay with him. He trusted me enough to ask me, through the bitterness, if I would keep Serenity. By this time, I was attached even though I fought hard not to get attached.
I was relieved because I didn’t want to have to give her back. She’s been with me ever since.
She’s been through everything with me. Every. Thing. All the moves, the heartaches, new jobs, different people I’ve met along the way, different dwellings, in the car for days on end as we moved across the country.
And she never complained. Never.
The only time she will say anything is if I’M too upset about something she’ll start meowing at me basically telling me not to get so worked up about things. And I listen to her and I take a deep breath and just enjoy her to calm me down.
I do everything for this cat. She is in the forefront of my mind when I think about where I’m going to live next. Don’t accept pets? Not living there. I don’t care how grand the place is, you won’t let me keep her with me, you can rent to some other tenant who won’t be as quiet or clean as me. My cat does not make a mess or tear things up but if you want to actually believe that she’ll “scratch up the hard wood floors with her nails”, then you are too stupid for me to give you money.
She used to follow me everywhere I went. From room to room to room she would follow me and she does not like a closed door. Knowing her history, I cannot blame her. She likes to get in to cabinets and sit there so I always check to make sure that she’s not inside a cabinet before I close it. She likes to go outside so I always check that she’s IN the house before I leave for the day. I always give her a pet good-bye and a pet hello when I get back.
I will not leave her in the place by herself if there’s a hurricane. If I can’t take her with me, I just won’t go. If I go on a long vacation or have to stay in a hotel room, I will ask ahead of time if I can have her in there. Nine times out of ten, I’m told yes. Sometimes I pay a deposit, sometimes it’s a fee. But she never leaves a mess and she’s quiet. Nor does she complain about being in a hotel.
The cat toys I buy, I think of her and will she enjoy them. She used to play catch with an aluminum foil ball. I would throw it, she would run after it and bring it back to you. It would be even better if you had a pair of shoes next to you so she could drop the ball in the shoes. I would pick it up, throw it again and she would fetch it. We used to play this game for hours.
I’m not obsessed and stupid about it. I don’t dress her up or throw birthday parties for her. I just love her. Sometimes I look at this cat and realize I’ve never actually loved a human being before because this cat has taught me what love is. I thought I knew what it was but when I got the cat, I realized, I didn’t have a clue. Frankly, I don’t think a lot of people out there have a clue.
But I do now. And I love this cat. I do everything I can to make her comfortable and happy and healthy.
Sigh...she’s getting old now. And in just the past couple of months, I’m seeing the affects of aging on her. She has a hard time getting up on the bed anymore. She struggles and sometimes makes it, sometimes does not. She can’t really jump up to the shelf on the cat tree anymore. When she wants to jump off of that shelf and back on to the bed, I’ve seen her calculate, calculate, calculate and half the time she’ll go for it and succeed and half the time I think she’s saying, “I just don’t have it in me today” and abandons the idea.
I don’t like seeing this. It means she’s getting old. And getting old means closer to death. And I think I will be inconsolable when she dies. This little cat, my best friend, has been through so much with me in the past decade. If it wasn’t for her, I think I would have failed by now. That may sound stupid to some of you but I don’t rightly care because I KNOW the relationship my cat and I have. We talk to each other. She knows words and what they mean, in the most basic sense. She talks to me. We don’t understand every thing the other is saying but we sure do understand a lot.
The whole time I’ve had her I’ve known that one day she would be gone and I always try to enjoy every little moment with her. As she is showing signs of aging now, I’m trying even harder to enjoy every last meow, every last movement, every last bit of silliness, every single piece of fur on her, her adorable little face, our little expressions towards each other, (this consists of things I say to her all the time, playing with her, and the way she reacts), every little sound of her paw pads hitting the floor, every lick, nuzzle and drop of drool.
If it tears me up this much to see her aging, I don’t know what I’ll do the day I wake up or come home and she is no more.
People who don’t have pets or do not have a close bond with their pets never understand this. People with pets do. This little cat IS my family. She is my best friend. This will be like having a best friend and family member die. I already know, it will be devastating.
So I have to enjoy everything, every little thing right now because one day, I won’t get to do that anymore.
