Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Worship Me! I'm A Hollywood Celebrity!
It seems that for some people, the more money they make, the dumber they become. You see, in Hollywood, you don’t necessarily need talent or brains....all you need is a breast augmentation, dress like a slut and act as fucking ridiculous as you possibly can.
In serious need of attention and perhaps in an attempt to make up for her SNL laughfest, Ashlee Simpson reveals that she can belch out the entire alphabet. In fact, she considers this a “special” talent. Well, when one can’t sing to save her life, I guess belching would be considered top notch skills. Maybe she should start belching out her songs. Right...she’d probably lip synch that too.
As if we hadn’t heard enough from J-Lo for a fucking LIFE! TIME! She’s now pleading with us to stop calling her just that. She wants to be called “Jennifer” because, damnit, that’s who she is. And don’t you dare call her Jenny either despite the fact that she wrote a song called, “Jenny From The Block” in which she stated that Jenny is who she really is and she’s just “keeping it real”. Perhaps she and Madonna Ethel can swap ideas for a new name.
I wrote about Tom Cruise and his belief in Scientology awhile back but it appears now he has been awarded a medal from the Church of Scientology for “changing the face of education”! Yep, he certainly educated the rest of us on what a fucking whack job he is. That medal, a purple cloak and a tube of chapstick will really help Tom when his alien ancestors stop by Earth for a visit.
And oh goody. Dennis Rodman has accepted to be part in an ad for PETA where he poses naked. The slogan is, “I’d rather go naked than wear fur.” I personally do not like it when people wear fur myself but in this instance, I think I’d prefer Dennis Rodman wear fur than go naked. Dudes. You have seen what he looks like right?
Of course, you can’t have a stupid celebrity round up without good ol’ Paris Hilton. Seems she was looking through magazines at a news stand and saw they were selling her sex tapes. Miss Pose and Preen Look How Cute and Nice I Am, went apeshit and started tearing things down before stealing her own sex tape. Seems she didn’t want “‘young fans’ who shop at the store...[to] see it and get the wrong impression of her." Uh, little late for that Paris and even without the tape, I think we all got a big fat impression of you in your little series with your skank ho sidekick, Nicole Richie. So NOT hot!
Some celebrities will just never, ever get it. They have too much money and very little sense. Thankfully, however, there are Hollywood celebs out there who continue to get it right. Sandra Bullock, that adorable, humble and fine lady, has donated 1 Million dollars towards the tsunami relief efforts. Of course, after she did this, many other celebrities hopped on board the “Look How Charitable I Am” bandwagon but so far, none have come close to Miss Bullock’s extremely generous donation. I’ve always liked her and this makes me like her that much more. Maybe she can give the rest of Hollywood a few lessons on class, grace and thoughtfulness.
