Sunday, October 04, 2009
This IS A Hobby
This may come as a shock to some of you but at times, I’m a total asshole. I become an asshole around certain types of people. I don’t like fake ass phony pieces of shit. I don’t like people who preach out one side of their mouths and then say something opposite out the other side of their mouths. I don’t like obnoxious, rude, loud, impatient people.
However, sometimes I display some of those very traits. One group I display those traits around are the mommies who think they just shit gold out of their crotch and tell the whole world about every last poop their child has ever taken, (sometimes with photos), all the embarrassing things their child has done and the TMI, my GOD the TMI!
And it is here that I will reveal just how much of an asshole I can be: I have been seriously considering opening up a face book account just to fuck with the mommy posters who do this very sort of thing.
Now. Before anyone suffers an aneurysm from a lack of reading comprehension skill, I do not think all moms are bad. Many people have kids and do not stoop so low as to talk in baby talk, or create journals where they are talking to themselves as baby and mom at the same time and share every last shit their kid blasts out of their ass. They talk about their kid sometimes, they share the proud moments like a dance recital or lead in a play or an award they received in school for being smart. (Does anyone receive an award for most disgusting pile of poop? I didn’t think so.) I am only against those who act like Kathy Lee Grifford and think they are the very first, ever, to have a child, ever, in the history of man, ever, and every last thing their child does is of enormous importance, illustrates, CLEARLY, the genius of their child, ("My child just pooped again in their toilet! Look at the photo! Someone call Mensa!"), that every string of snot is a work of art and that their child should be a runway model at the age of 2, “does anyone know where I can get an agent? I’m a bored housewife who wants to live vicariously through my child and add insane amounts of pressure upon their head while dressing them up like a slut to dance around like a stripper for all the pervs to see! My child is an adonis! An ADONIS! And excuse me but you will not get angry when my child slams the grocery cart in to your ankle, you should be more understanding and frankly, if I wish to whip my breasticle out in public and not even try to be discreet while FEEDING MY CHILD YOU HEATHEN, you will not give me shit about it because it’s a beautiful and natural thing to breastfeed my 8 year old and not disgusting as you put it!”
Those types.
So, if you have a little bit of an asshole inside of you, I need help creating an account. I will not use my real name. Not because I feel I need to hide behind another name but because the sole fucking reason I have never signed up for an account in the past is because I do not want people from my past to find me. They are in the past and they can stay the fuck in the past.
I need a good, clever screen name. And bio. And I’ll be male. That should really rile those gold plated vagina bitches up. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know about them.
If you wish to berate me in the comments section because you think what I’m doing is wrong, morally wrong, reprehensible, mean and totally fucking rude you got damned hypocrite, don’t bother. You will be wasting your breath and time. I already know it’s mean...but I think that what these shit parents inflict on the rest of society is way more wrong than me fucking with some strangers on face book.
When this is done, I’ll be sharing some of the highlights. I’m sure there will be many because there are many hags out there with crotch fruit running around who have no sense at all.
