Tuesday, May 13, 2008
What Is Your Problem?
Face:
Excuse me, Face? What is the deal here? What in tarnation do you think you are doing?
Might I remind you that I am no longer a teenager. Those years are almost two decades past us. It is completely unneccessary to cling to those years. Keep up with the rest of us and show some signs of aging...a fine line, less than dewey skin, whatever but you have crossed the line by giving me what you did this morning.
I am 38 years old. Giving a 38 year old a zit is a completely inappropriate gift. Please return to sender.
Hair:
Excuse me but you’re not funny. Look, even though I am 38 years old and well past the prime age for pimples and zits, I am not old enough for gray hairs. That is unacceptable. Oh you and Face are just hilarious aren’t you? Between the two of you I look like a 17 year old with gray hair. Hardly amusing. And I find it even less humorous that the gray hair you gave me is RIGHT where I part my hair which makes it stick straight up for everyone to enjoy. Stop it immediately.
Body:
Tha hell? Where do you get off feeling like that? I had absolutely NOTHING to drink last night. In fact, I haven’t had a drink in....three weeks and yet you have the audacity to give me hang over symptoms? I wake up feeling like I painted not only my town but every fricken beach community up and down the A1A red last night. I would appreciate it if you would at least let me earn the nauseous, painful, sluggish crap you pulled on me! Inexcusable!
Mind:
If you would be so kind not to wander out of the yard, I would appreciate it. Between my zit, gray hair and undeserved hang over, I am having a terrible time keeping track of you to put my thoughts inside. As it stands, I have to throw them at you and hope they sink. If you will notice that pile of unorganized, homeless thoughts littered all around you, you will see that I don’t have the best aim.
You all, I took such good care of you when I was younger. I fed you right, I moisturized you, I drank plenty of liquids, ate my veggies, read a library full of books and this is the thanks I get? Ok, since then I’ve had a few drinks, smoked a few cigarettes and pushed my veggies to the side since there was no parent forcing me to eat them but the point is, I do not find your actions amusing. If you would be so kind as to meet me somewhere in the middle so I don’t have to be the first zit faced granny, I’d appreciate it.
