Sunday, March 20, 2005
WILS-9
Good Morning class! It’s Sunday, you know what that means!
1) I’m normally a night person and have been all of my life but apparently, when I’m excited about something, I become a morning person.
2) The day is really long when you wake up way early every morning.
3) When I was in TX, I gained 25 pounds because the food was aplenty and my system was not used to that. Also, the food is really, really high in carbs and fat. I decided to start a no carb thing on Feb 14th. Today the scale says I’ve lost 17 pounds since then.
4) I could have lost more if I did a zero carb thing from the start. Instead I tried the plan the right way and did less than 20 a day for three weeks. I lost 10. Last Sunday I decided to do zero carbs each day and I’ve lost a pound a day.
5) Even though I see commercials for noodles and potatoes, (I’m Irish and Italian...I cannot be blamed), and I really crave those things, seeing that I’ve lost 17 pounds by sticking to it is a big, fat motivator to keep going.
6) I know I’ll get toned back up once I’m in my new city because I’ll finally have some sort of life again.
7) This move is becoming more real to me.
8) I know I lack trust in others and things getting done and while some of that was true in this whole moving thing, overall, people are following through.
9) Every time something happens as I planned, I gain a little more trust in others.
10) It has been a very difficult one and a half years since I left Seattle to finally get to this point.
11) I know I am the one who made the choice to go for it, and I know I haven’t handled every pitfall gracefully, but I think I’ve done a pretty good job.
12) It has been worth it because nothing good ever comes easy and my goal is a mere 11 days away.
13) This goal has been 3-4 years in planning and I can finally see the end.
14) Having a member’s only site has made me feel free to talk about whatever I want; giving me a sense of freedom and peace and an outlet where I know the common troll surfer won’t be coming by to tick me off.
15) Speaking of sites, I’ve talked about this weblog a long time ago: The Dullest Blog In The World. At the time I was pointing out how the writer takes the absolute most simple activity, writes it down in a one or two sentence entry and receives pages and pages of comments about it.
16) Today I learned that even though the writer has not updated since LAST September, he is STILL getting comments to this day. Put that in your pipe and smoke it pretentious bloggers! (Not any of you guys....but you know there are pretentious bloggers out there who think their shit don’t stink. The fact that this guy gets more comments and readers than any other blog I know makes me point and laugh at many of the “highly recognized” blogs whose owners think that makes them G-d.)
17) Back to the subject, it’s amazing how much you appreciate the little things when you don’t have them for awhile.
18) Every time I move I throw away so much stuff. This time is no different. I’m either donating a LOT to Goodwill or it’s in the trash.
19) I just don’t like to be burdened with a lot of things.
20) However, this move? This will be the absolute, very first time in my entire life I’ll be owning a dining room table. I’m still not into getting a couch though. I guess I think that once I get a couch, I’m committing to a place and while I have no intentions of ever moving from this city, I still want to wait on the couch until I either own a home or a condo. THEN I’ll have fully committed and a couch won’t be a big deal.
From the sounds of some of my previous entries, one might conclude that I don’t trust anyone, I’m a control freak, impatient and fear committment.
Well, those are partially true. I don’t trust everyone, I fear some things and situations that I can’t control, I’m very patient in things most people aren’t and impatient in things most people are and I can committ to things but I don’t often tie myself down to anything because I want to be able to get up and go whenever I want. I choose to look at it in the fact that I seek adventure and having something holding you back prevents you from experiencing a lot. In other words, I’m just not done seeing the world yet. I’m committed to the welfare of my cats and myself and that’s about it.
I’ve learned much in a decade and a half and I’m not going to allow anyone to make me feel bad for decisions I make because they think I’m being selfish. I’ve been very generous in the past, again, given more than I could afford to give, trusted so many I shouldn’t have trusted and those actions are precisely why I’m in the situation I’m in right this second. It doesn’t mean I won’t still help people but I’m not going to put myself in the poor house doing so. I’m not going to be the one who makes the same mistakes twice or give money and more money and more money because I bought into the lies and actually believed that some of these people were worse off than I was. I’ll help with information. I’ll help search. I’ll help a little old lady across the street. I’ll volunteer. But I will never loan another dime to anyone for the rest of my life. I can still help people without buying them furniture or giving them the money to fix their car or help pay their rent, etc.
I’ve borrowed money once in my life before, ($800 from the parents after my car accident). I will never borrow again. Not because it went bad but because the line, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be” is how I’m going to live my life from here on out.
I am now able to tell someone, “No.”
And after everything that I’ve gone through in this past year and a half in addition to the lessons learned in the previous decade, saying “No” comes really easy to me now. After awhile, your self preservation becomes the top priority over thinking you might hurt someone’s feelings if you tell them no.
