Sunday, August 16, 2009
You Are Not Special
“You look great!”
“Did you do something to your hair?”
“Let’s do lunch! I’ll call you.”
“You’re not fat!”
It’s amazing the lies we tell each other every day. Everyone wants to feel good. We read self help books that tell us it’s not our fault that bad things happen to us. We go to psychologists who help us find our voice inside of us to blame the world for everything. People feed us all kinds of bullshit to boost our egos. No one wants to face reality. The reality is, you are not special. You are just as mundane, run of the mill, average and dull as everyone else.
These lies typically begin in childhood when our parents tell us how wonderful and special we are. That’s your parents’ job, to build your self esteem. “Come here, honey, look at yourself in the mirror. Look at your eyes, they are so pretty. And your face, it’s oval shaped, all the models want an oval shaped face. Look at your beautiful hair. See how long and shiny it is? How about that smile? What a wonderful smile you have. You light up the whole room with that smile. And sweetie, your laugh? It is so contagious, it‘s like music.”
They’re supposed to tell you those things so that you grow up and move out of their house. You’re not supposed to be living in their basement well in to your 30s, get! Out! Some kids are so pathetic that some parents resort to extreme lies. “Of course you’re talented, honey! You dance and sing really well, you should try out for Broadway. Go! Go to New York! Get an apartment out there and audition! Get out of our hair. Leave us be! You’ve been exhausting us for 18 years! Go!”
Yes, they are supposed to boost your self esteem but there is a line. When a parent crosses over that line they’ve moved from “helping” to “hindering”. I fear that this will only get worse with newer generations. Now we’ve got parents naming their kids all kinds of weird shit in an attempt to show the world how special their kids are. These parents are living in denial because they haven’t learned yet either. Parents, your kids, nor you, are special. Your kid is just as annoying, loud, obnoxious and sticky as any other kid. Giving your child a different name is only going to bring hell on to that child. Oh I’m sure you think that by doing this your child will feel the uniqueness and grow up to pick up where you left off in your failures but the fact is, your kid is just as bland as every other kid.
No they cannot sing, dance or act. That drawing is not a sign of a future Picasso, that drawing is horrid and I can’t believe you would pin it up on your cubicle wall for everyone to see. Instead of trying to ride on the coattails of your kid, hoping that they’ll be somebody when they grow up so you can hear people gush about what a wonderful mother or father you‘ve been, let them know, right from the start, that they are the same as every other kid. “You don’t know your ABCs, you can’t color inside the lines, your finger painting is atrocious and your jokes are stupid. Now apply yourself and do better, kid.” If you don’t do this, you’re going to end up on a talk show with your teenager who has dyed their hair black, is wearing black clothing, black make up and talking about how much life sucks total and complete ass while you throw your hands in the air exclaiming you have no idea how this all started, please Mr. Talk Show Host, won’t you send my child off to boot camp?
You are harming your kids by lying to them. These days everyone wins because everyone is special! “Bobby, I know you couldn’t hit a baseball if we gave you a sheet of plywood to swing at it with but we still want you on the team because you have talent, son!“
Remember when we were kids, trying out for the team? It was mortifying to be picked last. God, how embarrassing that was! “Please don’t pick me last, please don’t pick me last, please don’t…..got damnit! I got picked last again!”
Sometimes you wouldn’t make the team at all. I remember trying out for cheerleading, year after year after year. Hey, according to my mom, I had pretty, shiny hair and a good face and my teachers said I was loud, of course I could be a cheerleader. Why not? I’d rehearse over and over again and get my routine down pat. I’d go to tryouts nervous but sure I could make it this time. I’d put my all in to it and I’d get the same response: “Thank you, no.” The reason I never made it was because I wasn’t popular. I was not special.
And you know what? We learned to deal with that. We learned to live through the shame and humiliation and move the fuck on. “Fine. I don’t need to be a stupid ass cheerleader. They look like a bunch of fat whores anyway. I’ll find something else that I am good at and get on with my life.”
These days all the kids get to make the team and even if their team is the worst ever in the recorded history of man, it doesn’t matter because they will still get a fucking trophy and be carted off to McDonald’s to celebrate the end of the season. Their coach will tell them they did brilliantly. Sure they lost every last game they ever played, but that’s not the point. “The point is that you tried and that’s all you can do.” (“You failed miserably and I‘m not sure why I just wasted the last 3 months of my life, but hey, you tried.”) What horseshit. You didn’t try hard enough or you just plain suck and should never have been on that team in the first place. But we can’t tarnish the delicate sensibilities of children! Let’s tell them that they’re all special and unique and talented so they can live in a bubble inside of a dream world.
And while we’re at it, let’s do away with red marks indicating wrong answers on their tests. The red scares them. The red tells them they were wrong! The red is angry! We’ll mark their papers in a more soothing purple. Look at the purple marks all over their paper! The purple does not intimidate. The purple tells them it’s no big deal that they didn’t learn anything. They are still special and unique.
When they grow up, that bubble will burst and psychologists and counselors everywhere will reap the rewards as these now grown kids ask, “What’s wrong with me? Where did everything go wrong? I used to be a star!”
It’s called “reality”, sunshine, and you best just suck it up and deal with it. The real world will smack the shit out of you and put you in your place.
Coddled Adult: “Hello World! I’m here! I’ve come to conquer you!”
World: >smack< “I don’t know who the hell you are but you ain’t nuthin’. Now sit down and shut the fuck up, we‘re going for a ride.”
The point is not that you tried. The point is to realize that very few people out there actually have any talent, charisma, charm or intelligence. The people who do have talent are being rewarded. We buy their things and we gush over them. The people who have charisma and charm are what we laymen call, “bullshit artists” who have weaseled their way to the top by kissing ass and batting their baby blues at the people in power. The only exceptions to these rules are the ones who were born in to it. These people, without all their money and the glamour behind the name would also be nothing if it weren’t for past generations of family members. So don’t be envious of them. They suck just as hard as you do.
The point is, you are no more extraordinary than the next guy. Remember when you would travel around on family vacations, looking at the neighborhoods, people in the mall or amusement parks? Remember looking at your own family and thinking, “God these people are boring. I hope I’m never like them.” You would daydream about life as an adult and how you were going to be better than that. “It’s going to be great. I’m going to be rich and famous and have millions of adoring fans. I have talent! I’m unique! ”
No, you aren‘t and you won‘t. If you have not already realized this, your time will come. And when it comes, it’s going to hurt. And that hurt will spin you out of control in to a period of great confusion and sadness. “What happened? What has become of my life?” You will look for people to blame. Why didn’t they support you? Why didn’t they help you become that great thing that you are? How dare they tarnish your shining star!
Some of you have discovered this and are currently wallowing in self pity. And any time anybody or anything shows you an ounce of attention you grab on to it to relive those glory days in your mind. When that attention gets taken away, you will crash back down and look around, bewildered. “What is wrong with people? Can’t they see who I am!?” You will repeat this process over and over again until you wake up one day and face reality. You are but one of billions. You do not stand out in a crowd. You blend in to the background of life. You are an extra in everyone else’s personal movie.
I’ve realized that I’m not special. And I’m still currently sucking that up and dealing with it. I simply do not have it in me to help another on a constant and daily basis but I am willing to help you out this one time. What you do with this is on you. The next time you come crashing back down to earth, don’t blame me. It’s not my fault you’re a loser.
You start your day by getting up and going to work. On the way to work you are treated like shit. People cut you off, blare their horn at you for no reason, ride your ass…if the freeway doesn’t illustrate just how unimportant you are, nothing will.
When you finally make it in to work, you have to deal with your co-workers. Do you actually believe that your co-workers care about you? They do not. That chipper one who always says, “Goodmorninghihowareyouhowwasyourweekendokgottagobyebye!!”, doesn’t really care about you. You can tell by the way she doesn’t even bother to wait for an answer to her questions about how you are and how your weekend was. She doesn’t give a shit about you, your feelings or your weekend, she only cares that she is viewed as the chipper and cheerful one at work so that she doesn’t get the axe.
Your other co-workers don’t care about you either. They talk to you because you’re there and there’s no one else to talk to, not because they actually care about your private life and what goes on in it. Other co-workers are merely using you for their gain. They are using you as either a) a punching bag to relieve themselves of their own self pity or b) using you to climb that corporate ladder. They don’t give a shit about you. They’re kissing your ass to get what they want.
The customers don’t care about you. All they want is for you to give them what they want. They don’t care if it’s hard for you, if it’s not your job, if you have only been there one week and don’t know everything yet, you better fucking figure it out and give them what they want. And if you don’t give them what they want they’ll make sure to make your life even harder by reporting you to your boss and if they’re successful, you’ll be out of a job. And you can stand in the unemployment line where a whole new batch of people won’t give a flying hornet’s ass about you and your problems.
When it’s time for lunch, you drive to a nearby restaurant. Do you think that waiter actually gives a shit about you? No. All they want is for you to hurry up, order, eat and get the fuck out while leaving them a substantial tip. They will pretend as if they care about you and if you are enjoying your meal and if you have everything you need because they want you to tip them. The second you have paid your bill and left, they won’t even remember you. Because you are not special or unique and you do not stand out. Unless you don’t tip them, they’ll remember you then but it won’t be fondly. And you might not want to go back to that restaurant because they aren’t as impressed with yourself as you are.
Finally the day is over and you return home. You’ve been treated poorly all day long. You are not in a good mood. You were told you were special and wonderful and gifted but no one seems to notice. You cannot believe how badly you’ve been treated. At least your pets love you and think you’re wonderful.
“Well at least my pets like me”, you say, as you open the door to your home. They don’t give a shit about you either. When you go to the dog park, does your dog stay by you? No, the first thing your dog does is take off and start talking to other dogs. They discuss the shitty foods you make them eat and your stupid rules. They laugh at you and mock you. Then they forget about you and splash around in the water and tear around the acres of park land with their new found friends. All your pets care about is that they have food, water, clean litter boxes in the case of cats and shelter. If you left a giant bag of food, a pool of water and the door open all day long, they wouldn’t give a crap if you showed up again or not, except to replace the food and water when it ran out.
“That’s bullshit! My dog comes up and licks my face every day when I get home!” That’s because your dog is bored. That’s because she’s been inside all day with no interaction. Your cat just wants a free massage and will stoop so low as to climb up on your lap, purr and look at you to get what they want. They don’t give a shit if it’s you or someone else just as long as they get what they want.
Think I don’t know what I’m talking about? Try it, then. Go for a walk with someone and bring your dog along. As you are walking, hand the keys to your dog over to your walking companion. After awhile, just stop walking while the two of them continue on. See how long it takes your dog to notice that you’re gone. Oh sure, eventually your dog will stop and look back at you. But at first, that’s all they’ll do: look at you. They’re working things out in their mind.
“Oh thank GOD I’m away from them! Finally I am free. Except…I’m still attached to this damn leash which means I’m not truly free and life could actually be worse with this person than that person standing way back there. At least with her I know I have food and water and get to come out every day. What if this person here doesn’t do that? You know, I’d better stick with what I know.” Only then will your dog pull at the leash to come back to you. Not because they care about you but because they care about themselves and their survival.
Think your cat gives a shit about you? Think again. How many times have you said, ‘Fluffy! Damnit! Get off the counter! Fluffy, stop scratching my couch! Fluffy, be quiet, I’m trying to sleep!” Fluffy stops what they are doing only to get to you to shut the hell up, not because they actually like and respect what you ask. Look in to their eyes the next time you tell them to do or not do something. See that, “fuck you” look?
Don’t believe me? Put up a video camera the next time you leave the house. Watch Fluffy do everything you told them not to do the second you walk out the door. They don’t give a shit about your wishes. They will do whatever they damn well please and only stop when they hear you return. It’s not about you, it’s about them and their survival.
The same goes for birds, rats, hamsters, mice, gerbils, snakes, etc. They only tolerate you for the food, water, shelter and the hopes that maybe today you’ll leave the got damn cage open, bitch, and let us run or fly around!
Maybe you think you’re special because you think you have a closer connection to God than other people. Wrong. What makes you think you are God’s favorite bunny over that person over there? Because you go to church every Sunday? The fact is, many of those who go to church still act like tools the rest of the week. And some of you religious folks really need to get a grip. How egotistical do you have to be to think you committed the worst sin that’s going to make God sit up and take notice of you? God has more important matters to deal with than you right now. And please stop praying for stupid shit. “God, please make my pimple go away before Prom this weekend. Please God. Please.” “God, please let me live through this hangover, please stop the retching and dry heaves. I promise I’ll never drink again, God.” God’s not listening to you because you are not unique and special, you’re pathetic.
As the night settles in around you, you decide to get online. You open up your MySpace or Twitter or Facebook account. Whee, look at all your friends and followers! You ARE special! This is just another ruse, another lie to ourselves to make ourselves feel better about the fact that we are giant losers.
“I have 1000 friends!” No, you don’t. You have 1000 people who want you to follow them so that they can say, “I have 1000 friends!” Would any of those 1000 people actually do anything for you if you needed it? No. Because you are not special. They take only what they want from you, in this case, a link to their page to get higher numbers and then they are done with you. Do you think they actually read your page or your twitters?
When you are finished gloating over your 1000 fake friends on Twitter, you go to your blog and open the publishing tool. You have opinions! The world needs to hear them! They are very unique and special opinions!
Very few blogs are actually widely read. Those bloggers were either in on the whole thing early on or they are some of the rare that actually talk about things they know about that other people do not but do find interesting. Most of the bloggers out there have dismal followings because they either can’t write, can’t spell, put too much froo froo shit on their sites to distract the viewer from the fact that they can’t write or spell or simply regurgitate shit they found on other blogs. In other words, most bloggers are not special. In fact, there are still millions of Americans who have no damn idea what the hell a blog is.
You started a blog so that you would have people listen to your opinions that you think are unique and simply must be heard. The world must hear what you have to say, it would be a travesty otherwise. No one is reading your site and no one is commenting on your site because your opinion isn’t special at all. You do not have anything important to say. You are not funny, you are not insightful, you are not witty or charming and most people find you to be a bore. They may visit as a feeling of reluctant obligation but only so that you will read their site. You think you have a unique view on the world but you don’t.
Now it’s time for bed. As you lay there, staring in to the dark, you think about all the people you’ve seen today. You base impressions of yourself on what you see other people doing or having. You saw people driving around in nice cars. Why can‘t you have a nice car? You saw really nice homes and wonder why they get to have a nice home and you don‘t, aren‘t you special? You decide that you’re going to have these things, as well. Ten years later you have a nice house, nice car, nice things and a nice credit card debt! You can’t afford these things. Your car gets repossessed. How’s that foreclosure going? Bought those nice things and you’re still not anything.
You think about all the people you saw, blabbering away on their cell phones. How important they are! They have so many friends! Why don‘t you have a constant ringing cell phone, damnit, you‘re special too! We are assuming that there’s someone on the other end of the line that those people are talking to. Who’s to say they aren’t talking to themselves just to appear important? We are also assuming they are talking about something worthwhile. Most people’s phones ring off the hook because their text messages go like this:
Coddled Adult: Hi!
LaLa Land Resident: Hi!
CA: How R U?
LLLR: Gud
CA: Wut R U Doing?
LLLR: Nada
CA: Wut did U eat 4 lunch?
LLLR: nada
CA: I’m bored.
LLLR: Me 2.
CA: Wut R U doing?
LLLR: nada.
And so on and so forth. Real special there.
Seriously, there is no need to talk on our cell phones that much. We never talked on the phone like this in the past. But now we have this need to feel important because we know we are not. And we feel the need to have others think we are important. It’s a lie. We lie to others and we lie to ourselves because we cannot handle that we are nothing special.
Finally, right before you drift off to sleep, you think about something you saw on the internet. It was a page illustrating the amount of money that dead people make. You think about how much money you make. You think about how special and unique you are and how hard you work for recognition of your talents and assets. It dawns on you that you’ve been lied to your entire life because there are dead people making more money than you, getting more recognition and praise than you. You’re alive, they are dead and they are still more special than you are.
And you start to wake up to some realizations. But stop thinking its’ all about you. It’s not about you. The way people treat you doesn’t have much at all to do with you, personally. More it has to do with themselves. You aren’t even special enough for them to think about ways to get you. You are not unique. You are a loser. You are nothing but a faceless number on this earth.
Your head has been filled with total fucking lies. Why don’t we just get down to telling people the truth. That truth is, no, you look rather terrible today, did you do something to your hair because it looks unkempt, let’s do lunch…never and yes, those jeans do make your ass look huge.”
Now suck it up, princess and welcome to the real world. Your life will be much better now. And you will now be special and unique because you will be one of the few in this world who gets it. There is no meaning. We just are.
