Sunday, December 21, 2003
What Do I Need?
So, this morning I’m on the bus on the way to work and was privy to a nice little striptease by an old man sitting in front of me.
You read that right. The old man, with a pigeon feather stuck in the back of his baseball cap decided to change his clothes on the bus.
ALL of his clothes.
First he changed his shirt...eh, no big deal. Then he took off his socks and slapped them around the bus causing a disturbing and toxic dirty sock cloud to hang in the air, beckoning you to breath...yes, breath, I dare you.
After he put his dirty, old socks back on, he flipped a pair of trousers out in front of him and stepped into them.
Yes.
He then stood up, giving me a full on shot of his old man underpants and just a peek at his old man thighs before pulling the trousers up around his waist and fastening them.
Then he turned around in his seat and looked at me, offering me a rose petal.
For G-d’s sake I need a car!
Or so I thought until I was on the bus on the way home. We were at a stoplight when I noticed a dog sitting behind the wheel of an SUV at the cross street turn signal.
What the hell is up with this town?
As we turned the corner, I craned my neck around to see where the human was. It seems the human was indeed operating the SUV but he had his Husky between him and the door, so that it would appear the dog was doing the driving.
Real cute.
Until they get into a traffic accident and the dog is broken by the air bag. (Btw: Great place for a Husky.....Hot Town, TX)
That’s when I decided, I need neither the bus nor the car. I just need to live within a few blocks of my work and a scouring of my eyeballs with sulfuric acid and a wire brush.
And you all thought Seattle had some freaks.
